


Catalogued Butterflies and Lost Memories

by knighthart



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternative Universe - Eggsy is a Statesman, Amnesiac Harry Hart, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, Eggsy is Agent Gin, Eventual Romance, First Meetings, Fluff and Angst, Good Agent Whiskey, Grief/Mourning, Harry Hart Lives, M/M, Mutual Pining, Whiskey was Eggsy's mentor, alternative universe, kind of slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:08:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 47,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24599548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knighthart/pseuds/knighthart
Summary: Lee Unwin was never a Kingsman. When Eggsy was 10 years old he received a big job opportunity in The United Stated and moved there with his wife and son. However, it didn't stop Lee from dying; or Michelle from marrying someone that wasn't good for her, or Eggsy from having a rough life. Sometimes you can change your destiny, but not your fate. And Eggsy’s fate was to meet Harry.OrEggsy Unwin was the Statesman also known as Agent Gin, and he was one of the best in the field despite the fact that he was only twenty-five years old. However, after a complicated mission went wrong because of the chaos created by Richmond Valentine, Eggsy got severed injuries and was banned from going on missions.After a couple of months, Eggsy was completed healed and ready to go back to work, but his excitement quickly faded when he found out that his first task was to take care of the Lepidopterist that Tequila came across outside a Church one day before the V-Day. Eggsy didn't train to be a fucking babysitter.He also didn't expect to fall in love with an amnesic bloke.
Relationships: Harry Hart | Galahad/Gary "Eggsy" Unwin, Jack | Whiskey & Gary "Eggsy" Unwin
Comments: 172
Kudos: 169





	1. Still ill

To be honest, Eggsy couldn't believe that the man he was observing through the two-way mirror was the same of the footage that he'd watched. The man on the video was completely methodic while murdering all those people in the church, he was also very tidy even with his hair disheveled and his suit dappled in blood. Now, the man that Eggsy was looking at seemed too soft to empale people or shoot on their heads without a second thought. Of course, Eggsy knew it was Valentine's fault that people have gone mad during V-Day. However, that man clearly had some training.

It was definitely intriguing, especially because Ginger informed Eggsy that they didn't found one single trace of the man's life. He was a fucking ghost, and that meant, in their world, that he was involved with a big organization. So, it was a problem that they didn't know for whom he worked for, and if they were good or bad. Normally, they'd have used torture or the truth serum to get information out of him, but he'd lost his memories because of a headshot, and it was a complication. One that fucked up Eggsy's expectations of getting a good mission after months. 

"I don't wanna babysit him, Ginger," Eggsy hissed. "Tequila was the one that found him all those months ago, why can't he take care of him?" He asked.

"Because I've received your psychological report," Ginger intoned making Eggsy freeze. "Your body is healed, but you're far from ready to be in the type of mission you want to be sent to. Don't even try to argue with me," she demanded. Eggsy let a heavy sigh out, he didn't want to discuss it anyway. He knew she was right.

"Then give me a vacation and keep him here," Eggsy replied grumpily.

"We can't," Ginger said. "It's been almost a year, and we are not even close to finding out who he is and what he was doing on that church. This has a clear connection with what Valentine did, we just need to discover how," she explained. "We tried to trigger his memory, but it didn't work. Our best shot is to create enough stimulus so he'll start remembering gradually, and because of that he needs to start having a normal life."

Eggsy moaned, accepting his defeat.

"And, well, there's the possibility that he'll never recover his memories at all," Ginger commented.

"So, it's not only a boring mission, but also a long one," Eggsy muttered. "Brillant, bloody brilliant."

"I know you aren't happy," Ginger said comprehensively. "But this mission is as important as any other, and, well, we still need to try. We can't just let him out of our sign without being absolutely sure that his memories are totally gone, and that he represents no risk for Statesman or for the world."

"Okay, then," Eggsy intoned. "Where will I take him? I ain't taking him to my home, and I supposed we can't let him live at one of the safehouses we have."

"Yes, we have to keep him far from your family or Statesman as possible," Ginger took a long breath and then, hesitantly, she started to talk again. "Jack has a farm located on Orono, Maine. He let it for you on his will...."

"No," Eggsy inhaled sharply. He didn't want to think about his mentor, and he definitely didn't want that fucking house. "It's Jack's."

"Jack is dead, Eggsy," Ginger put a comforting hand on Eggsy's shoulder. " That house is yours and is available immediately. Besides, it's near our New York headquarters."

"Gimme his file, then," Eggsy hissed. Ginger handled it for Eggsy.

"I'll let you read it and talk with him," Ginger said. "You'll leave tomorrow morning." Eggsy nodded.

The file was one compiled of all the interrogatories Harry had been subjected to since Tequila rescued him. However, it only gathered a few and useless information. 

The man's name was Harry Hart, and he was British. The name of his mother was Margaret Hart, and the name of his father was George Hart. Statesman's hackers weren't able to find one single thing about his family. Harry thought he was in his twenties the first time he woke up, and that he was studying to become a Lepidopterist. Now, ten months later, he was aware that he had lost his memories and that they had found him outside one Church. He also knew he was the only survivor of a massacre, and that Statesman was a kind of secret agency interested in his case. Far from that, he didn’t know much more.

Harry's medical reports were in the file too. They detailed Harry's injuries; his memory loss problems, and the doctor's conclusions about his type of amnesia. It also described the treatment which Harry was submitted to and the results, that were minimum. Harry's progress was slow and almost nonexistent. 

When Eggsy finished reading the file, he let it over Ginger's table and entered the room where Harry was being kept. Harry didn't look up to face Eggsy, he kept drawing a butterfly on his sketchbook. Eggsy looked at all the drawings that Harry did on the walls, it was quite impressive.

"You can definitely draw, mate," Eggsy said with hands on the hips while observing a particularly pretty blue butterfly, Morpho Peleides was written under it. Harry stopped drawing and turned his head to look at Eggsy, his eyes were wide open like he just had realized that someone was in the room.

"Hello," Harry said getting up and offering his hand to Eggsy. "I'm sorry, I don't believe we have met before," he intoned. "I'm Harry." Eggsy took his hand.

"I'm Eggsy," he said. "And no, we didn't."

"Oh," Harry exclaimed after noticing Eggsy’s accent. "You're British as well."

"Not, quite," Eggsy replied. He was living in the United States since he was ten years old, and by all the legal means he was considered an American Citizen, but Harry didn't need to know about that. "Can I sit?" He asked politely. 

"Of course," Harry said.

Harry seemed.....absentminded. Like he wasn't really there and his mind was far, far away. It was comprehensible considering that he lost a big part of himself, and Eggsy already expected it considering the medical reports. However, observe how amnesia could affect someone in person was very different and little uncomfortable if Eggsy was being honest. The way he was dressing didn't help either, especially the eye patch, and how it made Harry's pale skin pop up, making him look sicker than he really was.

"You must be tired of sitting here all day, ain't you, bruv?" Eggsy said crossing his arms. "Well, today it's your lucky day I guess. Tomorrow we're moving out."

"Movin out?" Harry intoned with a raised brow. "I beg your pardon, but I don't think I'm understanding it quite right. Will I be allowed to leave?" Eggsy scoffed, it was impressive that Harry could speak so correctly even though he looked so off the grid.

"Because of your condition, you can't be on your own, yet," Eggsy lied. "So you're moving in with me for a while until your memories kick in."

"I don't think it's necessary," Harry argued, he frowned. "I can take care of myself, and you said you don't know me. You can’t expect me to be comfortable around a stranger."

"It ain’t happening," Eggsy pointed firmly. "Look, think of me as your housemate, okay? We don't really need to know each other."

"I'm not dumb, you know," Harry murmured. "I know the organization you work for wants to keep an eye on me."

"It's for your own good, mate," Eggsy said softly. "You know how we found you, but we don't have any clue about what the fuck happened there, and neither do you. So, we don't have much choice," Eggsy sighed. "Trust me, I want this as much as you," he said Ironically.

"Well," Harry drawled, after considering Eggsy’s words for some minutes. "I supposed it will be at least an upgrade from my current accommodations," he said with a little smile. Eggsy nodded and gave him a small grin in return.

"Then pack your bags, mate," Eggsy said getting up. "We leave tomorrow."

"Where?"

"Orono, Maine," Eggsy replied.

*

They took an early flight to Portland, located in Cumberland County, Maine. Harry read for the most part of the four hours that took them to arrive at Portland International Jetport while Eggsy tried to watch a movie without success. When they arrived, Eggsy took a Statesman's car that were available, and they started their two-hour trip towards Orono. 

Harry was quiet while looking through the window and admiring the landscape, and Eggsy was slowly dying inside. In general, Eggsy was a very talkative person, as Ginger liked to point from time to time when she was his handler on missions, and the silence in the car was becoming unbearable for him. There was also the fact that Eggsy didn't want to think that he was heading towards Jack's old farm. Actually, he didn't want to think about Jack at all. It was still too painful. 

So he turned the radio on.

"I know this song," Harry exclaimed excitedly breaking the silence and scaring Eggsy for a moment. Eggsy's heart filled with hope that this was it, that the music was the trigger that Harry needed in order to remember everything, and that his mission was over. 

"Yeah? What's its name?" Eggsy asked without looking at Harry's direction; he knew the song and the band as well, but he wanted to question Harry with a false unpretentiousness, just in case Harry had remembered everything and was acting.

"It's called This Charming Man by The Smiths," Harry said with a little smile. "They are one of my favorite bands," Harry commented. "And when this situation I'm involved in is cleared up, maybe I should go to one of their concerts."

So, he didn't remember.

"I don't think it will be possible, mate," Eggsy sighed. "They break up in 1987, it's been twenty-eight years."

"Oh, dear" Harry exclaimed cheerlessly. "I wonder what else I can't remember."

"You can ask me," Eggsy offered. "I'm an encyclopedia of useless pop culture," he smirked. 

"What happened with David Bowie?" Harry asked mindlessly. Eggsy gasped.

"Are you sure you wanna know?" He drawled.

"Is it that bad?" Eggsy nodded for Harry's question. "Well, I think I'll have to get used to bad news soon or later, so why not?" Harry intoned.

"He died last year," Eggsy replied. "Cancer." He complemented softly. "His last album was fucking spectacular though," he said trying to cheer Harry up. Eggsy wasn't a fucking jerk, okay? He didn't want this mission, but he could imagine it was hard to wake up and find out that a huge part of your life is gone. 

Harry just sighed and stopped making questions.

*

The last time Eggsy had stepped on Jack's farm on Maine, he was an angsty teenager that had ran away from home because of his abusive stepfather. His mother didn't seem interested in doing something to protect Eggsy or herself from Clark, but Eggsy couldn't bear it any longer so he push down his guilt for leaving his mum and ran. Jack found Eggsy when Eggsy tried to mug him, instead of taking Eggsy to the police he took Eggsy under his wing. 

After that, Jack basically became part of the family. He helped Eggsy's mum to get rid of Clark, get sober, and find a job at Statesman, where years later Eggsy would become an agent. When Eggsy asked why he did all of that for them, Jack shrugged.

"Kiddo, I've been through hell and if wasn't for Champ I would have ended up in a bad place," he explained. It wasn't the only reason, of course. Once, when they were celebrating Eggsy's well succeeded first mission, Jack got really drunk, and he started to talk.

"I'd have a son about your age now," Jack confessed. "My sweetheart was pregnant when she died and that night, when you tried to mug me, was their death anniversary. I went to my farm on Maine to be alone, to mourn. New York was too loud and fast for that," he said softly. "When I find ya, the only thing I could think of was my son, and then I just needed to do something to help."

Eggsy thought he would have time to thank Jack, to confess that he saw Jack as the father he had lost when Lee died in a car accident. He was wrong, he was so terribly and fuck wrong.

So, when Eggsy got inside the house, he just stood at the entrance for a while with his heart so tight that he thought it would explode. He felt empty, as empty as that house were before their arrival. The familiarity was painful as hell, he could practically see Jack getting down the stairs and stopping to smirk at him.

"Look what the cat dragged home," Jack would have said. "How are ya kiddo?"

Eggsy swallowed the desire to cry.

"Are you alright?" Harry asked behind him, he was holding his bag and waiting for Eggsy's permission to get inside.

"Yeah," Eggsy gave him a fake smile. "I'm just a little afraid of ghosts, that's all," he said sarcastically. "Come in, I will show you around."

"I don't think you need to be afraid of ghosts," Harry intoned without noticing or understand the irony in Eggsy's tone. “They aren’t real.” Eggsy puffed.

“Maybe for you, mate,” Eggsy replied.

While Eggsy was showing the place to Harry, he also took advantage of the moment to evaluate the house and see if it needed to be fix. Jack rarely used that house, he only went there when he needed a break from New York's unresting atmosphere. Due to this, the wooden house was probably in bad shape. So, Eggsy made a quick mental list of things that he needed to do while there. Starting with the Garden, Jack loved that bloody Garden and he hired someone to take care of it while he was away. The person probably stopped showing up because it was in bad shape.

"So, this is basically it," Eggsy breathed. "You can take the room at the end of the hallway, it has a nice view from the backyard," he explained pointing the door to Harry. 

"Thank you," Harry said. He had the same unfazed expression, eyes that seemed absent, and a little smile that wasn't much more than a smooth curve.

"No problem," Eggsy replied cordially. "Why don't you rest a little and then we go to the groceries? We need to pick up stuff to eat." Harry nodded and went to his room. Eggsy watched him close his door softly like he was trying to be quiet as possible. For Eggsy, some noise would be very welcomed.

Before he knew what he was doing, Eggsy walked slowly until Jack's room. The door was closed and Eggsy stared it. He was considering looking inside the room when Ginger chose that moment to check on him, and Eggsy quickly turned his head and started to march downstairs while touching his glasses' side.

"Yes, Ginger," Eggsy intoned.

"Agent Gin, how is the mission going?" She asked.

"So far so good," Eggsy said quickly. "He ain't a very talkative guy," he complained. "His favorite band is The Smiths and he was pretty upset when I said that David Bowie was dead, but no. Nothing triggered his memory by far, so I don't have anything really useful to inform," Eggsy said low. "But at least he initiated the conversation, which is good."

"Call me immediately if anything changes," Ginger requested.

"Roger that," Eggsy said firmly. "Anything else?"

"How are you?" She asked, the professional tone was substituted by a more gentle and warm one. Eggsy sighed.

"Sad, and angry that you made me come here," Eggsy confessed. "Are you working with my therapist in order to make me face the past Ginger?" He said playfully, but Ginger didn't say anything. "Fuck, you totally are."

"I'm not," she said. "But I had to check with him if I could send you there and he said that it could help you have some type of closure."

"Right, anyway," Eggsy scoffed. "I'll go to the groceries in half an hour, buy food, and some other stuff."

"Don't forget that you can't let him in the house alone," Ginger said. 

"I know, I know, I read all the instructions."

"Goodbye, Eggsy," Ginger said.

"Bye, Ginger," Eggsy said turning his communications off.

*

That day was exhaustive, and Eggsy was drained, but being tired was a good thing. It meant that he will sleep well later. No dreams and no nightmares, just the warm and black unconsciousness of being deep asleep. He felt comfort in those thoughts while he was driving toward downtown. Harry, that was sitting by his side, would make a question or two sometimes, but overall he was back to his quiet self.

Occasionally, Eggsy would wonder what Harry was thinking. Was he confused about how things had changed? Probably. Or, maybe, Harry was wondering about his life and how he ended up with a headshot in another country. Eggsy was sorry for him, and impressed. If he was in Harry’s place, he would probably be angry all the time.

"We arrived," Eggsy said parking outside a Walmart. "Feel free to ask for whatever you want, okay? But stay close, these bloody stores are huge and I don't wanna lose you there," Eggsy said.

"I'm not a kid," Harry frowned. "I won't get lost," he spoke petulantly.

Harry got lost. In one minute he was at Eggsy's side while Eggsy was picking up some Gardening equipment to fix Jack's backyard and in the other, he was gone. Eggsy started looking for him frantically, he was practically running through the whole fucking store at some point. The thought that Harry was faking being an amnesic popped up in his mind again, but thankfully he was just overthinking. Harry was in the CDs and DVDs department holding David Bowie's last album, Black Star.

At least it wasn't a The Smiths album, Morrissey was a fucking shitty person and Eggsy could like some of his music, but he would never buy anything from that dickhead. Well, Bowie wasn't much better than Morrissey, in Eggsy’s opinion, but Harry was already too overwhelmed to listen Eggsy going on about the shitty things that they both did in their careers.

"Harry, mate," Eggsy said while gasping for air. "You scared the shit out of me." 

"My apologies," Harry said, he didn't look like he really meant it. "Do you mind if I take this?"

"No," Eggsy said. "I told you, it's a good album. Do you want anything else? Maybe an older album will help trigger some of your memories," Eggsy commented. "Actually," he said looking thoughtfully. "I have a better idea. Why don't we get you an iPod? Then you can get all the music you want."

"What's an iPod?" Harry asked curiously with a raised brow. Eggsy grinned.

"One of the best inventions ever made, mate," Eggsy said. "Well, until Spotify, but I can't give you a phone." Harry kept looking at him like Eggsy was speaking in another language. Eggsy sighed. “I’ll show you.”


	2. Enjoy The Silence

Living with Harry was pretty much like living alone, as Eggsy noticed in that first week. He spent most of his time locked up in his room reading or drawing his butterflies. The only time Eggsy really saw Harry was during lunch and dinner. That was all their interaction and Eggsy was getting tired of it because the silence felt uncomfortable and tense. He understood that probably Harry didn't want to have anything to do with him, but he hoped that they could be at least civil with one another. Eggsy also hated the feeling that he was maintaining Harry in captivity, it caused him nausea.

One day, when they were both eating at the table, Eggsy decided to approach the subject.

"You don't have to lock yourself up in your room all day, you know?" Eggsy said and Harry looked at him with curiosity.

"And what, if you don't mind me asking, am I supposed to do?" Harry intoned politely. "You turned down my offer to help you with the housework," he pointed.

"Well, you can watch TV," Eggsy suggested. "Learn a little more about how things are nowadays or we can go out and do something. You ain't a prisoner here or something," he said.

"Eggsy," Harry said calmly. "I don't know anything about this city, and I don't have the means to search places do go," he informed. "Not to mention that, after months of being held in a cell, it’s hard to believe that I have much of a choice when it comes to things that I am allowed to do or not."

Eggsy frowned, but he didn't reply. Harry was right, what kind of initiative he could take when there was such an imbalance of power between them? The other man was probably confused and afraid to a certain point, although he was pretty good in not demonstrating it. A capacity that Eggsy attributed to Harry’s instincts after years of training and that had survived even after he lost his memories. If the point of this whole mission was to make Harry have a normal life in order to make him start remembering, they were failing. Eggsy needed to fix it. 

After lunch, Eggsy used his computer to research places where Harry would like to go. It was a hard task because everything Eggsy knew about Harry is that he liked butterflies and old British bands and singers. Still, Eggsy was able to find out that The University of Maine had an extension program that aimed to study and catalog the butterflies species that inhabit the region. He also found out about some places where they could go to watch the butterflies, like the Fay Hyland Botanical Garden, that was located near the University, and The Charlotte Rhoades Park and Butterfly Garden, that was a little far.

There were a lot of other activities and places to go because, apparently, for Harry's luck, people on Maine cared a fucking lot about butterflies. This was a surprising fact for Eggsy, he had grown up in Portland and he lived there for most of his life. Probably he never heard about those kinds of stuff because Eggsy wasn't particularly fond of the subject. Yes, butterflies were cute, so what? It didn’t mean that he wanted to really learn about them. However, he was getting bored and he was running out of tasks to do, so observe butterflies and visit gardens didn’t seem so bad. So, Eggsy called Ginger.

"Hey, Ginger," Eggsy said excitedly. "I have something to ask you," he said and then started to explain what he found and his idea. Ginger listened to everything in silence.

"That's actually a great idea, Eggsy," Ginger said sincerely. "Giving him something to do or work with can be a great stimulus to his memories."

"Right," Eggsy smiled. "Then, Do I have permission to take him for those places?" He asked in order to confirm.

"Yes," Ginger replied. "I'll also get in touch with the University of Maine and see if I can get Harry inside the project as a volunteer. We have to make him create deep connections, it not only can help us, but if his memory loss is permanent it will allow him to recover his independence gradually. I'll call you later to inform you if I succeeded," Ginger said.

"Cool,” Eggsy said.

"Do you know that I'll have to inscribe you on it too, don't you?" Ginger asked and Eggsy could hear the humor on her voice. "They won't let you just follow Harry around if you aren't a volunteer as well." Eggsy moaned.

"Fuck," Eggsy blurted. "Well, it can't be so bad."

It was better than stay trapped in that house thinking about Jack anyway.

*

Ginger was very efficient, so it didn’t take a lot of time to her get both of them inside the project as volunteers. The next day, when Eggsy informed Harry about it the other man grinned. It was the most sincere expression that Eggsy ever saw on Harry's face. The skin under his eyes wrinkled, and his cheek had dimples caused by the smile he was giving. It was like Harry had lighted up, and for some reason, it made Eggsy happy.

“You have to stop being so soft buddy,” Eggsy remembered Jack saying to him once. “You’ll get yourself killed one day.” Eggsy had looked at him with a raised brow.

“You should take your own advice, mate,” Eggsy smirked at that time. “After all, you were the one that helped a stray dog like me all those years ago. The student is only as good as the teacher,” he had said wittily making Jack laugh.

Eggsy shoved the memory down and focused on Harry.

"Thank you," Harry said excitedly. "I can't describe how happy I am." 

Eggsy couldn't help himself but smile at the other man's enthusiasm.

"Do you wanna go to the city grab some supplies? I don't know what the hell we'll need for this," Eggsy said. Harry looked at him surprised.

"Are you going to attend the program too?" He asked with genuine curiosity, he didn't seem mad with the idea of Eggsy being one of his colleagues. Eggsy shrugged.

"Yes, do you have a problem with this, bruv?" Eggsy asked almost rudely. He knew Harry didn’t particularly like him, in his place Eggsy wouldn’t like him too, but he at least hoped that the man wouldn’t give him a tough time.

"Oh, dear," Harry chuckled a little, and Eggsy wider his eyes because of the sound. He never heard Harry laugh before. "Not at all, I'm glad that I'll have someone to talk about Lepidopterology."

"Sure," Eggsy drawled. "I don't know anything about it so you'll have to help me."

"Of course," Harry replied with confidence.

"Now, about my first question..."

"Yes," Harry said firmly, almost instructive. "Well need some supplies and probably some books about the species that inhabit the region, so we can be prepared."

"Okay, then," Eggsy said. "I'll pick up the keys and we're ready to go shopping." 

During the car trip, Eggsy found out that Harry could be chatty when he was talking about something that he had knowledge about and that he loved. Still, he wasn't rambling about random facts. Harry's explications were very methodical and calm. He almost looked like a teacher preaching to his students, and if it wasn't for the spark of excitement in Harry's eye, Eggsy wouldn't even know how really passionate he was about Lepidopterology. The fact that he was able to make butterflies sound interesting was also a very good ability, and an important one too because, otherwise, Eggsy would probably fell asleep while driving. 

When they arrived in town, Harry already had explained to Eggsy the difference between moths and butterflies, teach him about the three superfamilies of butterflies, and named the most prominent Lepidopterists of the field. It was.....a lot of information. 

Which made Eggsy curious about how Harry learned all of that. Of course, he said he was studying biology at college in order to become one Lepidopterist in the future, but Eggsy knew that something had happened in Harry's life to take him out of that path and turn him into a butchering machine that killed all those people in the church with mastery. 

It took Eggsy a while to recognize what he was feeling, but he had no doubt that he was feeling pity towards Harry. Look, Eggsy knew it was something odd to feel sorry for someone that he barely knew, especially when he didn't know if he was good or bad. But Eggsy understood how life could be messed up sometimes.

One day you are twenty, full of dreams and with your whole life ahead of you. On the next, you have almost fifty years, and with half of your memories gone. Well, in Eggsy's case. One day you have a loving father, and, in the next, he dies in a car accident. Life is fucked up, Eggsy understood that more than anyone else. Principally after he...........

"No," Eggsy thought. "Not going there."

They got out of the car in front of a shop specialized in entomology and Eggsy followed Harry's lead. The man would point or show him something, explain why they needed it with extreme care, and then Eggsy would nod and grab it. Harry even purchased some entomological equipment to start preserving some butterfly species that they could find.

"Wait," Eggsy said. "Are you sure you do remember how to do it, right? 'Cause this is a lot of chemicals products," he said concerned.

"Naturally," Harry said with a raised brow at Eggsy's disbelief. "I've been studying butterflies since I was a little kid, my grandfather was a Lepidopterist himself," Harry said proudly. "He taught me everything I know about taxidermy."

"That's a healthy hobby to have with your grandkids," Eggsy drawled wryly. "Teach them how to preserve killed animals and bugs," he was looking a little green. "Wasn't he afraid of you becoming Hannibal Lecter or some shit like that?" Eggsy asked seriously and Harry gave him an outraged look that made Eggsy chuckle.

"Don't be ridiculous," Harry said. Eggsy raised his hands.

"Okay, okay, bruv," Eggsy blurted while Harry picked up some display cases. "I'm sorry."

"People are not interesting enough for me to collect them," Harry joked. There was a mischievous glance in his eyes, and he never looked so present before. That absent-minded appearance he had was gone, at least for now. This little adventure was really doing him some good. Eggsy tried to suppress his smile.

"You're little shit, ain't you?" Eggsy murmured to himself so Harry wouldn’t listen to it. "Do you picked up everything we need?"

"No," Harry intoned. "Now we have to get some books," he explained. “When we arrive there tomorrow to talk with the person in charge of the group, we should at least have a basic knowledge of the local species. I already told you that,” Harry reminded him. “It would also be good for us to do a little research about who is involved in the project and their work.”

“Oh,” Eggsy exclaimed. “I already did that, I forgot to show you, but I printed the profile of all the members.” 

Harry grinned. “Excellent,” he blurted excitedly. “We can read about it together during the afternoon tea,” Harry said it like he wasn’t making a suggestion, but like he just expected Eggsy to sit with him and have a full conversation about the specialists’ profiles. 

“You’re very bossy,” Eggsy pointed mindless making Harry freeze.

“I’m sorry,” Harry with regret. “I didn’t mean to assume….”

“No, no,” Eggsy said. “That’s okay,” he gave Harry a soft smile. “It’s good to see you so excited about something. You were looking kind of depressed last week, I was worry,” Eggsy confessed and Harry looked at him a little bit surprised. “I imagine that this is hard for you, and all, so it’s nice to see you like this. It’s a good look on you,” he rambled, failing to express himself. Harry gave him a small grin.

“In that case,” Harry said. “Thank you, Eggsy.”

“No problem, mate,” Eggsy said. “Now, let’s look for the books you need. Maybe I'll even buy a recipe book, I am getting kinda tired of eating pasta, but this is the only thing I can cook,” he commented.

Harry had to ask recommendations for one of the attendants, and then they both spent half an hour talking about the pros and cons of each book. It was like watch nerds debating about who would win if Thor and Wonder Woman faced each other. And Eggsy was part amused and part bored. For his lucky, Harry got kind of annoyed by the attendant, that kept saying that Harry was really outdated with the field's recent discoveries.

"Of course I am bloody outdated," Harry complained when they got out of the store. "I had half of my life and, consequently, all the knowledge about the most recent studies, erased from my fucking brain," he hissed with frustration.

"Harry, he doesn't know it," Eggsy argued trying to keep up with Harry, that was quickly marching towards the car.

"I know," Harry puffed and stopped to face Eggsy. "What if they treat me like this tomorrow in the group? Like I'm just a beginner which opinion doesn't matter," he murmured brokenly. Eggsy sighed.

"If they behave like that, they are a bunch of arseholes," Eggsy intoned. "Besides," he smirked. "I'll be there and I don't know absolutely anything about it. Sorry to disappoint you, but I'll get all the attention out of you, bruv, " Eggsy said playfully. "They won't even notice that you are there." Harry gave him a little smile and puffed, then he pointed to his eye-patch.

"I doubt that they won't notice this," Harry argued and Eggsy shrugged.

"It makes you look cool," Eggsy pointed almost shyly. "Like a pirate or a bond villain."

"Do you always have an answer for everything?" Harry asked with a raised brow, he was still smiling.

"Yeah," Eggsy said cheekily. "I have a smart mouth." Harry laughed and Eggsy proceeded. "Now, why don't you help me carry some of this stuff," Eggsy said pointing to the bags. "They are kind of heavy."

"Sorry that I stormed out like that," Harry said picking up some bags.

"Nah, that's fine, mate," Eggsy replied. "I'm a little hungry, let’s grab some lunch before going home."

"That's an excellent idea," Harry said sounding calmer.

*

The silence in the car, while Eggsy and Harry were returning home, wasn't uncomfortable or tense. Harry probably just needed some space do deal with all the feelings that come when you try to rebuild your life from zero, and Eggsy could respect that. So, he didn't turn on the radio this time or tried to start a conversation. And, strangely, Eggsy's was okay with the quiet atmosphere. It must be pretty clear by far, but Eggsy doesn’t like silence.

"Can't you ever shut up, kiddo?" Jack had asked him with a playful tone when Eggsy was rambling while they were watching a target together.

"No," Eggsy had replied sternly, his body tensed up.

Clark, Eggsy's ex-stepfather, had an obsessive need for silence. He was a journalist, or at least he had the delusion he was one. Clark spent most of his time drinking at home and trying to write. He always demanded total silence because otherwise, he wouldn't be able to write what the hell he wanted to. Eggsy grew up in a house completely quiet, they couldn't talk, they couldn't watch TV or listen to music, they had to move carefully around the house, otherwise, Clark would start screaming violently. Sometimes he would make more than just scream.

So yeah, that's the reason why Eggsy was a talkative person, why he had a quicky mouth, and why he didn't like silence. He could express himself now, he wouldn't let anyone make him shut the fuck up again. Jack had noticed the change in Eggsy's mood right away.

"Hey, nothing wrong with that," Jack commented. "You sure know how to keep a boring vigil interesting."

This time instead of pressing that memory down, Eggsy smiled. What Jack would say if he could see Eggsy now? Comfortable and accepting the silence because he knew someone needed it more than he needed background noise. How Jack would react if Eggsy told him that, actually, he was kind enjoying the warm silence that exists between him and Harry now? The most awkward part is that Eggsy barely knew Harry, and usually, the comforting type of silence only happens when you are in the presence of someone you deeply know and cares about.

"Kiddo," Eggsy imagined Jack chuckling. "Looks like you were whipped hard."

"Sod off," Eggsy murmured quietly to himself while parking in front of Jack's house. That was totally the kind of nonsense that Jack would say. God, Eggsy missed him.

"We arrived," Eggsy enunciated making Harry, that was distracted, jump on his seat.

"Oh, this was fast," Harry commented with a little smile. "I barely noticed."

"Yeah," Eggsy said. "Let's get the butterfly stuff inside and talk about the profiles I picked up."

"Entomology equipment, Eggsy," Harry said politely.

"Yes, that, whatever," Eggsy rambled while smiling just to provoke Harry. Harry let out an exasperated sigh, but he was still smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys. I know this chapter was really boring, but things will start getting interesting soon. Also, I just wanna warn you that the title of every chapter is a song from a different British Band from the '80s. The last one was Still ill by The Smiths and this one is Enjoy The Silence by Depeche Mode.
> 
> Look at my [ Tumblr ](https://knightthart.tumblr.com/) .


	3. Ordinary World

Eggsy woke up abruptly in the middle of the night, sweating and breathless. For a moment, Eggsy didn't want to open his eyes. A sharp shiver caused by fear made him realize that he was afraid of opening them just to watch his nightmare take form. Just to see Jack laid at his side, bleeding to death while whispering his name.

"Eggsy," Jack had said all those months ago. "I...."

And then he died with his empty eyes staring at Eggsy.

However, Eggsy didn't dream about that night, he would be lucky if he did. Eggsy's guilty dreams were always worse, always crueler than reality because they always played with Eggsy's insecurities. This time, Eggsy dreamed about the night that they met. He was sixteen again and he was trying to mug Jack, but instead of offering help when he saw Eggsy's black eye, Jack pointed his gun to Eggsy and smirked slyly.

"It's like they say, kiddo," Jack drawled. "When you find a bad apple you have to get rid of them, or they'll spoil the bunch."

Then he shot, and Eggsy woke up.

Compared with the firsts nightmares Eggsy had after he woke up and realized what had happened, that one wasn't so bad. It was the implications of it that hurt Eggsy. The feeling that he had disappointed Jack, and that he was never worthy of the other's man time and help. Even though Eggsy wanted to discredit those feelings, he couldn't. If Jack hadn't help Eggsy all those years ago, if Eggsy wasn't in Jack's life, the man wouldn't have died. No, he wouldn't, he would be very much alive because Eggsy wouldn't have killed him.

A sob broke the silence and Eggsy realized that he was crying. He opened his eyes and sat on the bed. The lamp located on the nightstand fell into the ground when Eggsy tried to turn it on.

"Fuck," he exclaimed, hoping that the noise didn't have wake up Harry.

Eggsy took a long breath, trying calm down his heart that was pulsing fastly on his chest. He was on the verge of a full panic attack.

"Broken lamp," Eggsy whispered, trying to focus on his surroundings He wasn't in the hotel room, Jack wasn't there with him, they weren't arguing. "Deer Picture," he said looking at the yellow wall. Valentine was found dead by the MI6, his machinery was completely destroyed, and no one could control him anymore. 

"Wardrobe," Eggsy said, his breath starting getting under control even though his chest was still aching because of the lack of air. "It wasn't my fault," Eggsy said. "Jack's death wasn't my fault, it was Valentine's," he forced himself to say, even though he didn't fully believe in it. "It wasn't my fault," he repeated one last time and then sighed.

He wiped his tears and got up carefully so he wouldn't cut his feet. Eggsy turned the lights on and the darkness vanished. There was no way he could go back to sleep now, he was too afraid and tense to even try. So, instead, Eggsy collected the pieces of glass on the floor, put on some athletic clothes, and went to the basement were Jack kept a variety of gym equipment.

Eggsy ran until his legs and lungs were burning. After the training, his mind was clearer, and all those dark feelings peeking at the corners of his heart were under control. 

"You have to accept those feelings Eggsy," Sugar, Statesman’s lead therapist, has said to him once. "But you also have to accept that you were a victim of the circumstances and that you had no control over what happened. If the roles were inverted, would you blame Jack?"

"No," Eggsy had replied. "I wouldn't."

"Then, why do you blame yourself?" He didn't have an answer for that, not then and not now. While he was going up the stairs, another memory flashed on his mind.

"I hate therapy," Jack had said to him when they were sparring together. "Think about my feelings," he complained. "What there is to think about? Just feel the fuck out of them and then move on," he had hissed. "But damn, sometimes it feels good to complain about shit, kiddo," Jack had stopped, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Well, Sugar is also hot."

Eggsy stopped in the middle of the stairs and smiled nostalgically.

*

It was a beautiful day and, even though Eggsy wasn't in the exact mood to enjoy it, the sunlight that was caressing his skin gently was comforting. The chilly breeze, the flowers, and the smell of wet soil were anchoring Eggsy to the present, reminding him of the good things. He closed his eyes, trying to hold onto that feeling of sudden peace. Finally, he could understand why Jack liked the garden that much. It was a good place just to.....be.

Jack's property was relatively big, but besides the garden that Jack built and an old barn, he didn't make much with the land. So, the house was surrounded by a forest and their only neighbor lived some miles away. In the first week, Eggsy checked the barn just to see if there wasn't anything dangerous there, and he didn't found one single thing. There were only garden equipment; an old Ford Taurus, and a lot of cardboard boxes full of clothes, papers, and some trinkets. 

A pathway made of stones connected the house with the barn through the garden. The garden itself was the most elaborated part of the house. There was a fountain with a horse spitting water from the top of it, and around the fountain, there were some flowers. Eggsy didn't know which flowers they were, but they were purple and he liked them. Near the fountain, standing proudly, there was a Sugar Maple tree, and under it a white bench resting in the shadow. Of course, there were more flowers and bushes, from different colors and sizes and all of them were beautifully placed throughout the garden.

When Eggsy arrived there, the flowers were withered and the grass higher than it should be. Now, that garden looked like a respectful one, that could even belong to an old lady's house, and Eggsy was proud of his work. For a moment, Eggsy let himself imagine how many times Jack went there to take a time out, and it made him feel a kind of connection with his mentor that he thought he had lost. It wasn't the most pleasuring of the feelings, but Eggsy supposed that the melancholy was better than the sorrow he was feeling hours ago.

"You did a marvelous job here," Harry said out of the blue scaring the shit out of Eggsy.

"Fuck, Harry," Eggsy yelled putting a hand on his own chest. "Warn a dude," he complained. Then he faced Harry thinking about how Harry was lucky that Eggsy had good control over his instincts, otherwise that could have ended badly. 

"I'm sorry," Harry said with a regretful smile. "I thought you had heard me calling you," he explained. "I came to inform you that I took the liberty to prepare our breakfast today," Harry intoned.

Eggsy looked at his clock, it was already seven a.m. Harry didn't sleep much, but he wasn't a morning person as well. Eggsy never saw the other man get out of his room before at least eight a.m. "Are you excited, mate?" Eggsy smirked.

"As a matter of fact," Harry said. "Very."

Eggsy glared Harry for a minute with a thoughtful expression and a silly smile on his face. Maybe he was wrong in feeling pity towards the other man yesterday because Harry was lucky in not remembering what he did. He could simply move on without the guilt and the complications of his old life, whatever they were, whereas Eggsy had to fight to do so every day. Eggsy sighed, he was envying an amnesic man, it was a new kind of low.

"I'll take a quick shower, you can start without me," Eggsy said.

"Nonsense," Harry said. "I'll wait."

And he did. Eggsy was not only able to take a shower, that took longer than he first intended to, but he also sent a message to Sugar, asking her if they could have an online therapy session, she agreed. When he arrived in the kitchen, Harry was reading one of the books that they purchased yesterday with attentive eyes and a little smile. Eggsy murmured an inaudible "Good morning," before putting some tea for himself.

They were taking their breakfast in silence, Eggsy was so submerged in his own thought that he didn't notice the curious looks that Harry was launching on his direction. 

"You're abnormally quiet this morning," Harry said with suspicion. "And you don't look very well either, are you feeling ill?" He asked gently making Eggsy look at him. Eggsy knew he was looking like a fucking mess, he had dark circles around his eyes, that not even a good shower could erase, and he was probably making a sad face. He just didn't expect Harry to pay attention or care.

"Remember that Ghost that I told you about?" Eggsy asked. "The wanker paid me a visit last night and didn't let me sleep much," Eggsy tried to joke, making Harry raise a brow. "A nightmare, Harry. It was just a nightmare, I'll be fine."

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Harry offered. "I don't remember if I'm a good listener, but I can try," he said, trying to make a joke of his own an failing. Eggsy smiled a little because of the attempt. He really wished he could open up about this with Harry, but he couldn't. They aren't friends and Eggsy had to remind himself of that, this was a mission. 

"Nah," Eggsy said. "I'm good, but I want to claim the right to choose the songs we'll listen in the car today. You need to be educated in the modern stuff."

"Oh dear," Harry exclaimed.

"Don't worry, what I have to show you isn't that different from the old New Wave, New Romantic stuff you listen to," Eggsy explained. "Well, maybe just a little, but is similar enough in style, in my opinion."

*

Professor Marvin Gayes, Ph.D. in Entomology, was the person in charge of the project called Maine's Butterflies and Moth Catalogue. He was about Harry's age and had a sympathetic physiognomy, like the type of people that is always polite and would sneak candy for kids before dinner. He also was wearing a tie with butterfly print that Harry loved. They both got along very well after the professor cracked the first joke about butterflies. It was nice to see Harry getting along with another person.

He explained that the project was built by him and two other professors in other to catalog and study the Butterflies' and Moths' habits. They accepted not only students but also outside volunteers that were interesting in finding; photographing, preserving dead specimens, that they may find, and a bunch of other activities including writing about their discoveries in a blog. The professors and the students that belonged to the project would focus more on the database generated by the field forms that everyone involved should fill in when making a discovery. They also have weekly meetings and field trips.

"So, Mr. Unwin," Marvin said looking at Harry. Ginger decided that it would be safer to register Harry with another name since they didn't know if someone was looking for the other man. Harry wasn't particularly fond of the idea, but he understood that because of the way he was found it was a risk for him to expose his true identity. "Did I convince you and your nephew to join us?" He smiled.

"Please, call me Harry, Dr. Gayes," he said politely. "And I was already convinced before our lovely chat. I'm very passionate about this subject."

"Amazing," Marvin said excitedly while offering his hand to Harry, that accepted. "Well, in this case, we'll have an official meeting tomorrow and I'll present you both to the staff and we'll give you indications of places to visit and tasks to do."

"Don't we have to fill some forms or this kind of stuff?" Eggsy asked, also shaking Dr. Gayes' hand.

"That won't be necessary, the person that contacted us about your interest in joining our little group already sent all the information we needed."

"Nice," Eggsy replied.

"Indeed," Harry said.

"Well, this is all. I'll see your both tomorrow," Dr. Gayes said.

"Of course," Harry said while he and Eggsy were getting up. "Goodbye, for now, Doctor Gayes."

"Please, call me Marvin, Harry," he said with a smirk. "You'll learn soon that I'm a very social butterfly," Marvin winked at Harry that chuckled. Eggsy watched the interaction with a shocked expression. "Eggsy, feel free to call me Marvin as well,” he added as a later thought.

"Right, doc," Eggsy said dryly.

When they got out of Marvin's office and into the hall, Eggsy turned to watch Harry's giddy expression while they both were walking.

"He was totally flirting with you, mate," Eggsy commented. 

"I know," Harry intoned. "It's quite good to see that I still have some charm after all those years," he said. "And losing an eye," he added wryly. Eggsy wasn't expecting that reaction at all, he thought Harry would freak out about having another man interested in him because he looked straight as hell.

"Are you gay?" Eggsy asked curiously.

"Yes," Harry said. "Do you have a problem with this?"

"No, of course not," Eggsy blurted. "But I thought you would freak out, to be honest. I mean, you lost your memory and you still don't know how things are nowadays. There is also the fact that you seem a very private dude."

"Well, I hope things are better nowadays than they were in the ‘80s. The world can’t wallow in ignorance and prejudice forever, " Harry looked at Eggsy expecting his reply.

"Way better, thankfully," Eggsy smiled. “Just not as good as it should.”

"About the reason why I didn't freak out, as you put it, "Harry said opening the double door that leads outside the building, he held it so Eggsy could get out first. "I can look old, Eggsy, but you have to remind yourself that I still have my memories from when I was in college, at the beginning of my twenties," Harry said stepping outside the building. "And the '80s were savage in ways you can't imagine," He smiled with confidence.

"Uh," Eggsy exclaimed unsure about what to say. Of course, Eggsy was bisexual, and like all the other people that belonged to the LGBT+ community, he knew that the ‘80s were a crazy decade. However, he couldn’t imagine Harry living wildly, he looked too posh and conservative for that. "Right."

"I miss it," Harry sighed. "You know, there is a lot of unpleasant things about losing your memory, and one of the worst is not knowing if I did enjoy my life as I should," he confessed looking crestfallen. "And it's a queer sensation to look at me in the mirror just to see how old I got, even if I don't feel old. Well," he said wryly. "At least not in my mind, but my body certainly feels very old if the pain I have in some places is an indication."

"Bullshit," Eggsy said surprising Harry. "You don't look so old, bruv," he argued. "And Marvin back there must think you look really good, otherwise he wouldn't flirt with you," he pointed. "I kind of have to agree," Eggsy murmured shyly.

Harry blushed. "Well, thank you, Eggsy."

“No need to thank me, bruv,” Eggsy said. “I don’t tell flies,” he said sternly. Harry raised a brow, an amused smile on his lips.

“Are you trying to do a butterfly pun?” Harry asked.

“Maybe,” Eggsy shrugged and Harry puffed. “I’m trying my best here, Harry. Give me some credit.”

“It was a good attempt, Eggsy,” Harry said encouragingly. “Are you happy now?” He was smiling and Eggsy couldn’t help but smile too.

“Yeah,” Eggsy replied. “Hey, the Fay Hyland Botanical Garden is nearby, do you wanna walk there before going home?”

“Yes,” Harry said. “I just wish I had a camera with me,” he commented. 

“You can use my phone if you want,” Eggsy offered.

“I appreciate it,” Harry said.

The Fay Hyland Botanical Garden has 10 acres, where a bunch of local species of trees, flowers, and other plants are cultivated in order to be studied by the professors and students of the university. There are a lot of different sections where it is possible to find beautiful views; like a Rose Garden, ornamented with the statues of three little kids playing, and even a little lake with ducks floating on it. There are desert paths and places with inviting wood benches, where people could sit for a little while and enjoy the fresh air. And, of course, hundreds of butterflies flying around the whole place.

Harry was appreciating everything with a kind of childish enthusiasm that was beautiful to watch, and Eggsy couldn't stopping glaring the other man quietly, hoping that he wouldn't be noticed. They walked side by side, sometimes Harry would stop to take a picture of a particular butterfly and then ramble about them with a little smile on his face. It was peaceful, so peaceful that for a moment Eggsy allowed himself to forget everything about the nightmare he had, or about why he was there with Harry.

It was easy to pretend that they were really friends, that the world wasn't a fucked up place, that Harry and Eggsy were some normal folks that didn't past through hell before, in Harry’s case, and during the V-Day, and that there weren't millions of people all over the world that had passed through the exact same. Watching Harry being so clueless about what happened with him, made a protective feeling grow inside Eggsy. He wished he could preserve the other man's happiness and innocence, even though he couldn't.

So, the peace and happiness that Eggsy felt in the garden were slowly fading as he got closer to Jack's house. He tried to keep positive energy, he tried to show interest in what Harry was saying, and he even tried to sing some of his favorite songs in order to make Harry like them too. But it all felt terribly fake, and Harry noticed it as well. He didn't comment about it, to Eggsy's relief. He just kept glancing Eggsy with curiosity.

*

When they arrived at Jack's house, Eggsy expected Harry to make his usual excuses in order to lock himself in his room and read his books. He was trying to prepare himself to be alone again with nothing but the memories of Jack as his company. But, instead, Harry offered him help with the lunch, and he even insisted firmly when Eggsy said that he didn't need it.

"Frankly, Eggsy," Harry said argumentatively. "I love your spaghetti, but I think I should watch my health a little bit, and I don't believe eat it every day will do me any good."

"Hey, there isn't anything wrong in gaining a little bit of weight," Eggsy pointed.

"I know, I'm more concern with my triglycerides and glucose," Harry replied. "Now, I think if we both combine our abilities we can cook something eatable that isn't pasta."

"If you say so," Eggsy said cheekily, he was sure it wouldn’t work.

Their attempts to make lunch failed, every one of them. Harry was outraged and Eggsy couldn't stop laughing.

"This is ridiculous," Harry exclaimed. "I'm able to cook breakfast, how different make a steak can be from making a fried egg?"

"Apparently, very different," Eggsy replied trying to remove the burnt steak from the pan.

So, they ended up eating pasta again. Harry kept talking, and this time he even told Eggsy some personal stories, or at least he tried. Harry explained that even though he could remember his twenties, there were some memories that were cloudy and he couldn't quite figure them properly.

"It's like having my head full of cotton sometimes," Harry confessed. "Like, I know there is something there, everything is somehow familiar, but there is a veil over it all and I can't distinguish things." Eggsy didn't say that he already knew that because of one of the reports that he read about Harry, instead he just nodded and made more questions.

After they washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen, tasks that were fastly made with Harry's help, Eggsy sat to watch some T.V and, strangely, Harry joined him. Eggsy looked at him with a raised brow. Harry's company was very welcomed, it was nice to have someone to talk to, but for what Eggsy was learning, it wasn't very Harry.

"Why are you here?" Eggsy blurted mindlessly.

"Well," Harry said. "For what you people explained to me, for my own good," he said playfully. 

"No, Harry," Eggsy said. "Here, like, in the living room."

"I believe we're watching a movie," Harry replied. "Eat Pray Love, is it the name, isn't it?"

Eggsy chuckled and rolled his eyes. "You're little shit, Harry. Why aren't you buried in your books? I thought you would like to prepare yourself for the meeting tomorrow."

"I think I'm well prepare," Harry intoned. "Besides, I thought I could help you keep those Ghosts away for a while," he looked at Eggsy. His eyes were warm and comforting. Eggsy smiled softly.

"Didn't know you were a ghostbuster," Eggsy replied trying to make a joke.

"For someone young," Harry pointed. "You use a lot of old references."

"I just want to make it possible for you to keep up with me, bruv," Eggsy said. "And I watched the old movies after I saw the remake," he informed.

"Oh," Harry exclaimed. "Is there more than one ghostbusters movie?" He asked surprised and Eggsy smirked.

"Bruv, there are two sequels and a remake," Eggsy said. "How do you feel about watching them all today?"

Harry shrugged. "I don't see why not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it ended up being another chapter of Eggsy and Harry getting along and some domestic fluff, but I hope you all enjoyed it. The next chapter will probably be out on Tuesday or Wednesday.
> 
> You can keep up with what I am writing on my [ Tumblr ](https://knightthart.tumblr.com/)


	4. Turn

Harry knew that he was in a very odd situation. He not only lost part of his memories but, apparently, a super-secret organization was interested in him for a reason that Harry didn't quite understand. They said they found him outside a church that was the stage of a massacre and that Harry was the only survivor. Consequently, he was their only source of information and the only one that could clarify what had happened there, which wasn't going to happen until his memories are completely restored. So, it’s pretty needless to say that they all were in a dead-end situation and, for Harry’s mischance, that meant he was trapped in their hands.

The word "odd" doesn't even start to cover this whole situation. Harry couldn't understand what the fuck he was doing in The United States, to start with, and in a church of all the places. He was never religious and he couldn't see himself starting to be one not even after becoming a fully responsible adult. The question "what the fuck happened with my life?" popped up a lot in his mind during the following months after he first woke up.

Then, life was boring and irritating. He was tested like a lab mouse, he was barely allowed to leave his little white room, and the agents and doctors told him that they didn't find one single thing about his whole family or about him. So, Harry didn’t even know if his family was alive. His entire life after college was a huge question mark and Harry felt his mind wallowing deep into an absent state. He just.......lost himself. Talk with the therapist that the organization sent to him didn't help, read didn't help, and not even study his precious butterflies helped. He felt depressed and empty, but at the same time, he just avoided thinking about it.

When Eggsy showed up in his room, saying that Harry would be moving in with him, Harry didn't expect things to change either. Happily, he was wrong. You see, he thought Eggsy would be pretty much like all the other agents, cold, politely professional, and moderately annoyed by the fact that Harry didn't remember anything. Instead, the young man was warm, friendly, and he seemed to really care about Harry. It was like he didn't just want to make Harry remember, but he also wanted Harry to build a new life. Maybe it all was just an impression, maybe he was just fooling Harry and doing his job, but, honestly, Harry didn't exactly care. Not when Eggsy started to filling Harry’s void and giving him a taste of the freedom he craved for months. 

The point was, Harry's life after Eggsy was still odd, but a lot more enjoyable. He was working with something that he loves; the house where he was living was delightful if compared with the white room where he had spent ten months of his life, he was making new friends, and Eggsy was an excellent housemate. In the beginning, it took Harry a while to warm up to the other man, but he came to adore Eggsy. How couldn't he? Eggsy was charming, funny and he didn't make Harry feel like he was just a hindrance or a task.

They developed their own routine in the following weeks. Harry started to wake up a little earlier so he could watch Eggsy working on the garden; sometimes he would even draw the other man in his sketch-book, then he would get down and prepare them breakfast. After that, if they had a meeting at the University, they would pack up and head there. If not, Harry would read or work on his butterflies, and Eggsy would work out or watch T.V. Twice a week they would go to the city to eat. Three times per week they would go to a local park, or even the woods to take pictures of butterflies and moths. At night, they would eat diner and watch a movie from Eggsy's choice. Once or twice, another volunteer would invite them over to drinks, and Eggsy and Harry would gladly grace them with their presence.

Harry was very fond of their routine, it was simple and comfortable. So, when that routine was rudely broken one day, Harry was really upset.

It was a lovely morning, as lovely as mornings could be. It was a little cold, even though it was a sunny day. From the kitchen, they could hear the birds singing in the garden and they probably would see one or two of them flying around if they looked through the window. Harry was still on the table, a cup of their on his hand and a book on the other. Eggsy was washing the dishes and humming. It was a beautiful song enunciated on the radio as Lover Of The Light by Mumford & Sons. Harry didn't know them, but he liked how it made him feel light. He was thinking about asking Eggsy to show him more songs of that band when the noise of a window being broken cut off their peace.

Eggsy immediately went tense and turned off the tap. He grabbed a knife and when Harry made a movement, indicating that he would get up, Eggsy looked at him with warning eyes and made a demanding gesture to Harry to sit again. Harry obeyed, and Eggsy slowly turned the radio off as well. Then he got out of the kitchen and slowly started walking towards the entrance of the house. 

Harry lost sign of him and, in return, Harry's heart started banging his chest worriedly. Minutes felt like hours because of the anticipation, and Harry was about to get up to see what was wrong when he heard a loud "Holy cow, Gin. What in hell ya doing here?" coming from someone whose voice he didn’t recognize, and then an “I should be the one asking it, bruv,” that came from Eggsy. A short conversation that Harry couldn’t quite understand followed before Eggsy popped up in the kitchen again.

"It's okay," he said looking a little pale, which made Harry doubt his affirmation. "It's just a friend from work,” Eggsy added. “But he’s hurt, can you grab some sheets for me while I look for a first aid kit?” He asked.

"Of course," Harry replied.

Harry quickly went upstairs, becoming a little bit breathless in the process. It was easy to find the sheets and when he entered the living room, located near the entrance hall, Eggsy was already there. Even though Harry hadn't recognized the man's voice, he knew that bloke. He was one of the agents who had watched over him when he was allowed to get out of his room to be evaluated by the doctors or catch some air. They hadn't talked much, so Harry didn't know him very well.

The man was sitting on the sofa. He had a big and ugly cut on his forehead, that Eggsy was cleaning with an alcohol wipe. His shirt was dappled in blood, probably his own, and he was carefully holding his right arm. Whereas Eggsy seemed concentrated, the other man was presenting a painful expression, like he was trying really hard not to moan or complain. However, he was still paying attention to his surroundings and he looked at Harry when he noticed that Harry was getting closer.

"Here," Harry said quietly while placing the sheets beside the first aid kit. 

"Hey, butterfly guy," he groaned because of the pain when Eggsy started to stitching his wound. 

"He has a name, Tequila," Eggsy replied grumpily. “And don’t move, I ain’t a doctor,” he sighed. "Thanks, Harry.”

"What happened?" Harry asked curiously.

"Can't tell," Eggsy mouthed. “Sorry.”

“Do you need anything else?” Harry asked. “How can I help?”

“Nah,” Eggsy replied. “We’re good for now.”

“Say it for yourself, Gin,” Tequila groaned again. “I ain’t fucking good, this shit hurts,” he complained.

“Stop moving, bruv,” Eggsy blurted annoyed. It took a few more minutes to Eggsy finishing stitching Tequila’s wound, then he put a bandage over the wound, covering it. Harry didn’t have any idea that Eggsy had some medical training and it was very impressive to watch. Right after, Eggsy started to torn the sheets apart and improvised a sling. He gently helped Tequila do place his arm on it and when his work was done the let out a heavy sigh.

"I'll call Ginger, you stay here," he said sternly looking at Tequila before he left the room. Harry and Tequila stared at each other.

"How is your head?" Tequila asked.

"Better than yours," Harry said dryly making the other man chuckled. Tequila’s little laugh was followed by a painful moaning and Harry felt a small amount of guilt for causing it, even though he didn't think his reply was that funny to cause such reaction. "Do you want some tea?" Harry offered politely. 

"Nah, do ya have something stronger? Whiskey would be good," he said.

"I don't think this is wise taking into account your condition," Harry said unfazed. 

"Ya probably right," Tequila said closing his eyes. "Think I have a concussion."

"I don't think you should sleep either," Harry commented alarmed.

"That's a myth," Tequila explained. "I guess," he added. "I’m not good with this medical stuff."

They stopped talking. Tequila laid on the sofa without asking for Harry’s help and Harry sat in the armchair. Watch another person sleeping wasn't exactly how he had imagined spending his day, however, Harry couldn't let an injured man alone. Fortunately, Eggsy entered the room minutes after, and, for Harry's surprise, he had changed his clothes. Eggsy’s new outfit was pretty similar to the one Tequila was wearing; dark jeans, an orange button-up shirt, jean jacket, boots, a pair of gold glasses, and a black cowboy hat. He looked powerful and stunning.

"Is he sleeping?" Eggsy asked with a raised brow while looking at Tequila. Before Harry could reply, Tequila answered.

"I ain't," he said opening his eyes. "Looking sharp," Tequila said. "Ginger gave ya my mission?"

"Yeah," Eggsy smirked. "I'll clean up your mess," he said wittily. “Try not to break your other arm and stay still. Ginger is sending medical help.”

"Don't worry, butterfly guy will look after me," Tequila replied and closed his eyes again.

“Harry,” Eggsy said. “Lemme talk with you in the kitchen. Tequila loves a gossip, can’t let this guy hear everything.” Tequila chuckled again and then moaned. Eggsy nodded negatively, he likes Tequila, but the other man didn’t have one ounce of self-preservation in his body. Harry got up and followed Eggsy to the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" Harry asked softly, almost looking afraid. Eggsy sighed. 

"Saint Stephen, Canada," Eggsy replied. "It's a two-hour trip, but I don't know when I'll be back," he explained. "I can't tell you much, just that Tequilla was following someone bad that needs to be stopped or bad things can happen,” Eggsy said. “Tequila was really lucky I was here. He knew about this house because he was friends with the previous owner, so he came here to get in touch with Ginger, since he broke his communications, and warn her that he wasn’t in a good shape to proceed. He hoped they would send someone to pick him up and replace him.”

"But since you are here, they are sending you," Harry commented.

"You got it, bruv," Eggsy said giving him a little smile. "I shouldn’t have explained this all for you, but I don’t want you to worry about what will happen to you while I’m gone. They’ll send another agent to watch you in my place and Ginger assured me that they won’t change your routine,” he explained.

“Wait,” Harry blurted worriedly. “That’s mean you won’t come back?” He asked.

“Don’t worry, I’ll come back for you,” Eggsy said fastly, trying to comfort Harry when he saw that the other man was distressed. Then he smiled and Harry’s heart clenched thinking about Tequila’s wounds. Even though Eggsy was promising him that he would be back, there was a possibility that he wouldn’t. He could end up hurt as badly as Tequila or worse. “I’ve to go, can’t lose much time,” Eggsy said breaking the silence.

Harry followed the other man to the entrance hall and, when Eggsy reached for the door handle, he grabbed the other man’s shoulder, stopping him. 

"Eggsy," Harry said hesitantly like he was afraid that his concern wouldn’t be well received. "Promise me you won't get hurt," he demanded. Eggsy smirked at him.

"Awn, are you worry about me, mate?" Eggsy asked wittily, but his smile rapidly faded when he noticed Harry's stern expression. "You really are," he commented. Eggsy was astonished, he knew that they were getting closer, but Harry’s level of concern by Eggsy’s safety was really touching.

"Of course I am," Harry said in disbelief. He knew his relationship with Eggsy wasn't the most conventional one, but Harry hoped that the other man knew that he cared about him. Eggsy smiled gently and picked up Harry's hand.

"I can't promise that," Eggsy spoke softly. "It comes with the job, but I'll be careful. How that's sound?"

"Not good enough," Harry said with a low voice while squeezing Eggsy’s hand. “Have a safe trip,” he said. “I’ll be waiting for your return.” He let Eggsy’s hand go and, for some reason, his heart started to aching badly.

"See you later, luv," Eggsy winked. "Try not to lock yourself in your room while I’m gone, it ain't health."

Eggsy opened the door slowly and stepped out. Harry and Eggsy stared at each other one last time, then Eggsy closed the door, letting Harry alone in the entrance hall. Harry looked to the broken glass spread on the floor, and for a minute he felt like pieces of his heart were among them. He was feeling anxious, and he didn’t like that. 

Without much to do, Harry prepared some tea for Tequila and gave him a couple of painkillers that could be used in case of a concussion. Once, when he was a kid, Harry fell while riding his bicycle and broke his left arm. It was a really painful thing to face and he had no idea how Tequila was bearing up that injury for so long and without complaining much. Harry didn’t turn on the TV, he was afraid that the noise would disturb his guest, instead, he picked up The science of entomology by William Romoser and started to read it. Or at least he was trying to read it, he could stop worrying about Eggsy, and because of that, he was sighing a lot. 

"He'll be fine," Tequila drawled with a hoarse voice. "Gin is tough and determined like a fucking Bull," he added. Harry looked at him just to see that Tequila was facing him with sleepy eyes. "A true professional."

"Thank you," Harry said. "Tequila."

"Ya can call me Mark, butterfly," he said with a smirk. After that, they fell in silence.

The help only arrived at the beginning of the evening, and Harry let them get inside the house with a shy and polite "Good evening," while Tequila screamed "Finally, did y'all came by horse? My arm is hurting like hell," with an irritated tone. There were two paramedics and a tall blonde woman. She seemed to have around forty years and had a stern face that was aggravated by her blue eyes. She was wearing a grey suit, social shoes without heels, and a dark blue hat, similar to the one Eggsy had. Still, she gave Harry a polite smile.

"Good evening, Mr. Hart," she greeted him. "I'm Red Wine and I'll take care of you until Agent Gin returns," she intoned.

"Hello," Harry said. "It's nice to meet you, should I call you Red Wine or do you have a name?" He asked.

"Call me Red, if you must," Red said.

"Red, there ain't a need to ya be so intense with the butterfly guy," Tequila rambled while the paramedics were putting him in a stretcher. "He's nice." 

Red sighed and rolled her eyes, but then she gave Tequila a warm smile. “The target made a number on you, maybe you should talk less and train more your abilities,” she commented. “It’s good to see that you survived,” Red said playfully.

“Glad in being alive, Red,” Tequila said while the docs were taking him to the ambulance. “See ya later butterfly, y’all behave,” he said.

“Farewell, Tequila,” Harry said. “I hope you will recover soon.” Tequila didn’t reply, he just winked, and Harry could guess that he and Eggsy were good friends because they were similar in his manners.

“He will,” Red said looking at Harry. “That kid is as resistant as he’s crazy. Now, Mr. Hart. If you don’t mind, we should talk about your routine and coexistence rules. As you will learn, I’m not like Agent Gin,” she pointed.

*

In the following days, Harry learned how Red was very different from Eggsy. Red's presence wasn't exactly unpleasant, but she was every inch the professional she seemed to be, and that meant she wasn't friendly as Eggsy was. Also, while Eggsy was "relaxed" in his job of "watching Harry" she was pretty severe. In the first hour after they met, she injected a subdermal tracker on Harry's wrist.

"I understand that you must follow your current routine in order to stimulate your memory," she had intoned. "I can't be as involved as Eggsy on your routine without attracting unwished attention, so a tracker is the best way to guarantee that you will follow your schedule without running away from us," she had explained.

She was also reserved about herself, and she and Harry barely interact. It reminded Harry of his first week with Eggsy, but even then they would at least take their meals together and do the small talk. Red hadn't spoken with Harry not even when she had to take him for a meeting at the University. At first, Harry didn't think it would bother him that much. He was also a reserved person, and he wasn't very talkative either, so Red's manners weren't a problem because she was respectful and polite with Harry. The problem is that Harry was missing Eggsy.

He still had a job he liked, he was still living in that lovely house, Red drove him to the city or to the parks when he asked her to, and Harry could still hang out with the few friends that he made. However, without Eggsy there, it all felt bland. Harry was also constantly worried about Eggsy. When the mark of one week arrived, Harry couldn't resist more so he asked Red about Eggsy. 

"He's fine," Red'd intoned. "The mission had some unexpected developments, but for what I heard it’s almost ending."

"Thank you," Harry had breathed. Red looked at him with narrowed eyes.

"Seems like you two got along well," she'd said. "It isn't unexpected considering Agent Gin's personality," she'd added.

"If you are worried that Eggsy isn't being professional --"

"Oh, no," Red'd smirked. "I know Agent Gin since he was a dumb teenager. I know that when he needs to do the job, he gets the job done. I'm not worried about him being professional or not. I was simply pointing out. That kid's ability to make everyone likes him will never stop surprising me," she'd commented.

That was the longest conversation that they had, and it just made Harry more curious about Eggsy's life and job. Red wasn't wrong about Eggsy's ability to make everyone like him either. When Eggsy didn’t show up in the extension program’s meeting at the University, everyone asked Harry about his "nephew". The use of that word annoyed Harry in a way that he didn't quite comprehend yet. 

"He's visiting his mother," Harry had told what Red advised him to say.

"Oh," Francis, an old lady with who Harry became friends, had exclaimed disappointedly. "That's a shame, I was thinking about introducing him to my granddaughter," she'd grinned. Harry's stomach tumbled. For some reason, he didn't like that idea. "Will he be back on time for The Charlotte Rhoades Park and Butterfly Garden's field trip?" She'd asked.

"I don't know," Harry had sighed, making a sad expression.

"There's no need to be sad, Harry," she'd said. "I'm sure there will be plenty of field trips in the future."

"You are right, Francis," he'd replied with a little smile. 

He wished he could talk with someone about how worried he was, but he knew he couldn’t. This situation made Harry feel alone. He couldn't rant about his fears with his new friends, and the only person with who he could talk, Red, didn't seem that interested in chatting. It was like being trapped in that white room all over again. Harry really tried not to lock himself in his room. He even started trying to take care of Eggsy's garden, imagining that the other man would be mad if he arrived at home just to see that his hard work on maintaining the garden was throw away because of Harry's relapse. However, Harry saw himself without the energy to do so.

Even Red started to worry about Harry. Once or twice per day she would knock at his door and ask if he was okay. At the beginning of the second week, she even started offering to take him to the city, instead of waiting for his requests, when she noticed that he wasn't asking it as much as he did in the first week. Harry thanked her, but he usually declined the offers.

Thursday afternoon wasn't different. Harry was in his room, sitting on the working table while reading a new book that he purchased on his last visit to the city. The table was settled next to the window, so Harry could look at the garden while working, his back was facing the door. When someone knocked, Harry supposed it was Red, coming to check on him. He wasn't willing to stop working and get up just to talk with her, so, he mindless yelled a "Come in."

"I remember asking you not to lock yourself in here, Harry," Eggsy said wittily. "And looks like you lost your manners, bruv. Didn't even open the door for me," He added.

Harry stopped reading and got up so fast that the chair made a loud noise when it was dragged behind. He turned just to see Eggsy leaning against the doorframe with a smirk on his lips. Before knowing what he was doing, Harry gave four large steps and hugged Eggsy tight. However, Harry didn't even have time to feel relieved with Eggsy's presence on his arms because the other man moaned in pain and Harry had to let him go.

"Are you hurt?" Harry asked exasperated. 

"A little," Eggsy replied. "Couple of sore ribs. Nothing to worry about," he tried to comfort Harry.

"I'm sorry," Harry said regretfully. "I-"

"It's okay," Eggsy said putting a hand on Harry's forearm. "You didn't know and the hug was nice," Eggsy commented blushing a little. "I missed you, bruv."

"Well, it's pretty clear that I missed you quite a lot if my behavior can be used as an indicator," Harry said in a self-deprecating manner and Eggsy chuckled. Harry's stomach was tumbling again, and his heart was pounding fast on his chest.

Eggsy was there.

He was safe.

Harry allowed himself to breathe again, but then he had a sudden realization that made a shiver go through his whole body. It was the reason why he was so worried, it was the reason why he didn't like people thinking that Eggsy was his real nephew, and it was the reason why he missed the other man so much. He just didn't like Eggsy, he was fucking head over heels for the other man. He was so in love that he couldn't breathe and Harry never felt it before. If he did, he didn't remember. Eggsy was pretty much his first love because of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm posting it one day later, but here we are. I really enjoyed writing this chapter because I just LOVE writing Harry's POVs and I hope you liked it too. If you saw any grammatical mistakes let me know and I'll fix it.
> 
> The title of this chapter is Turn by New Order! I'm building up a playlist for this fic and I'll probably post at my Tumblr at some point.
> 
> Also, Red is totally Gwendoline Christie. I just love her a lot.


	5. Lovesong

"Hey there little friend," Eggsy said to the butterfly that landed on his arm. "Do you always come here? Of course, you do. This place is aces, innit?"

Eggsy was sitting on the white bench under the Maple Tree. Harry insisted on preparing some tea for them, and Eggsy decided that the garden was an acceptable place to drink it, so he was waiting for Harry. He was glad in being back, something that he didn't quite expect to feel since all he wanted was to be back to the field participating in real missions. However, now that he completed one, successfully, he was feeling a kind of fullness. It was like being back home after a long week, well and it was in a certain way. The realization of it, that Eggsy was thinking about that place as his home, was a little scaring. And Eggsy tried to remind himself that it was Jack's house, not his. No matter what Jack's will proclaimed.

But Eggsy could see how this all was quite captivating. Having a nice and quiet house to go back, and someone that wasn't his mother waiting for him. Someone pretty handsome, and that seemed to care about Eggsy. Someone that was funny in a peculiar manner, smart, polite, and kind. Someone that embodied all that Eggsy ever dreamt off. It was so easy to fall for the illusion of the situation, to be carried on by those warm feelings, that Eggsy had to take a minute just to accept the fact that none of this was real.

Then Harry got out of the house, carrying a rectangular silver tray, and Eggsy's anguish flew out of his mind just like the butterfly in his forearm decided that it was a good moment to take off. It was a shame, he wanted to show her to Harry. Harry, that was smiling as he placed the tray on the little wooden table that Eggsy did a couple of weeks ago to put in the backyard. The same Harry that had occupied Eggsy’s mind during the days they were parted. Harry, that was the protagonist of questions such as ‘How is Harry doing?’ that popped up on Eggsy’s mind right before he fell asleep.

"You scared my friend," Eggsy said pointing to the butterfly that was flying around them.

"I'm sorry," Harry replied with that light irony that was his signature mark. "I had no intention to drive away such a beautiful companion," he added while sitting on the bench. “Should I beg her pardon?”

He looked calm, Eggsy noticed. After their rushed hug, Harry went deadly quiet and pale. For a moment, Eggsy even thought he was going to faint. Fortunately, he didn't. Harry offered Eggsy to prepare some tea for them and then went down to the kitchen. Maybe Eggsy should have asked Red to warn Harry of his arrival, but Eggsy wanted to surprise him. Why? He had no idea and Eggsy wasn’t the type of people who really thought about stuff, he just did. Jack more than once warned him that it could kill him eventually. Jack was always warning Eggsy of things that could kill him eventually. But Jack didn’t matter at the moment, only Harry mattered because Harry was alive and in front of Eggsy. 

"Nah," Eggsy said. "She says it's fine."

Eggsy served himself and Harry, it was strange that he already new like the other man liked his tea; a drop of milk, and two teaspoons of sugar. Well, it was justifiable, they were living together for almost two months. If Eggsy didn't know how Harry liked his tea, his observation abilities weren't as good as he thought. And for a spy, it could be a problem.

"Here," Eggsy said extending a cuppa to Harry, that gracefully accepted it. Then, Eggsy picked up his own tea, without milk and with a lot of sugar, which Harry thought was abominable. On more than an occasion he said that he would teach Eggsy how to be a proper British person, he didn’t succeed. "Earl Gray again?" Eggsy asked.

"It's my favorite," Harry intoned. "You know that."

In fact, he knew. One day Harry and Eggsy decided to find out what was Harry's favorites everything. They prepared tons of different types of teas and little snacks. Harry was very fond of Earl Gray and chocolate biscuits. Eggsy didn't like it that much, but he also didn't hate it. However, the fact that Harry was starting to discover more things about himself was something very pleasing to watch. And Eggsy was totally ignoring all of what those feelings could implicate.

"I asked Red if she wanted to join us, but she said that she had to pack her bags," Harry informed him, and Eggsy chuckled.

"Red doesn't like tea," Eggsy said. "She ain't a fan of getting too personal during missions either."

"I noticed," Harry said with a little smile. "She is very," he paused. "Professional," Harry's brows were both raised and he had an amused expression. Eggsy laughed.

"Yeah, she is," Eggsy said. He loved Red, she and his mum became friends because Michelle was her handler. So, just like Jack, Red was an important figure in Eggsy's life and a mentor. "I hope you both got along well."

"I think you can say that," Harry said. "We're both very alike so we didn't fight or anything like it. However, things were quite boring without you here," Harry confessed. "How was your mission?" He asked unsurely.

Eggsy really wished that he could share that with Harry. The guy he was chasing, Louis Leblanc, was a retired biochemist that developed a powerful biochemical weapon using samples of the Yersinia Pestis bacteria, responsible for the bubonic plague. He stole it from a government lab where he worked through years. Louis traveled to the U.S hoping that he could sell the formula and a sample of the biochemical weapon to a national terrorist group. Things went wrong because Tequila interfered and prevented him from selling it all, and Louis decided to run to Canada.

Tequila was chasing him when the terrorist group tried to kill him, causing Tequila to crash his car. Fortunately, Tequila was able to run away and get to Orono since the city was located in the route that Louis was trailing towards Saint Stephen, Canada. Eggsy was able to track him and stop him, but they found out that Louis had, in fact, a partner, and Eggsy had to find the guy and collect all the material he had.

It was a good mission or at least as good as missions can be. The fact that Eggsy was able to complete it without having a panic attack or major injuries was also good, and because of that Sugar and Ginger were reassessing if Eggsy was apt to go back to field missions or not. He was only able to take over Tequila's because Ginger was out of options, otherwise, they wouldn't have allowed Eggsy to go.

Eggsy really wished he could tell Harry all about it, but he couldn't.

"It was fucking spectacular," Eggsy said and smiled. Harry was looking at him with close attention and Eggsy's heart clenched. 

Oh, the illusion, how bittersweet it all was. How easy would be for Eggsy just to forget that Harry was a target. If Jack could see him, he would not stop bragging about how emotionally compromised Eggsy was. The dangerous part is that Eggsy was starting not to care, and he was ashamed of admitting to himself that he didn't have the courage to talk about it with Ginger because he knew she would take him out of the mission. And Eggsy didn't want to leave Harry, not yet. He became very fond of this babysitting job.

"I'm glad you liked it," Harry said. "Although I quite don't understand why it could be a pleasant experience if you ended up with sore ribs," Harry commented wittily.

"Harry," Eggsy said. "I can think about a lot of pleasant experiences that can cause a little pain." Harry choked with his tea and Eggsy laughed. "Oh my god, you totally thought about sex, didn't you? Pervert," Eggsy provoked. 

"I certainly did not," Harry said offended. "And if you are experiencing pain during sex, it is not being performed properly," he explained and then glared Eggsy with a thoughtful expression. "Well, only if you are fond of BDSM, then, in this case, I think it involves a little bit of pain," he intoned flatly, but Eggsy could see he was blushing a little "Nothing wrong with that," he added, making Eggsy laugh more openly. 

Because Eggsy closed his eyes while laughing, he lost Harry's smitten expression towards him, and, when he opened his eyes again, it was gone. 

"For someone that said I couldn't imagine how savage the '80s were, you can be quite shy about these subjects, bruv," Eggsy pointed.

"I'm just trying to behave appropriately for a man of my age," Harry replied playfully, but still with that unfazed expression that Eggsy was coming to adore." Eggsy nodded his head with amusement.

"I'll grab us some more biscuits," Eggsy said getting up.

When Eggsy entered the kitchen, Red was waiting for him. She was leaning on the counter, a glass of water on her hand, and bags on the floor, near her feet. Eggsy sighed and smiled at her.

"Already leaving?" He asked her and she gave him a little smile.

"You know me," she replied. "I hate to settle down. I thought I would go mad here, locked in my room re-watching old missions."

"You didn't need to," Eggsy said. "Harry is a nice person."

"I know," she said. "But he could also belong to a rival organization, or worse. Kid, I trust you, but you have to be careful with this whole situation," she warned him and Eggsy raised a brow.

"Why?" He asked.

"That guy out there," she said looking through the window. "I think he is pretty much in love with you, which isn't so out of the curve. You know is common for captive victims fall in love with their--"

"I'm not his kidnapper," Eggsy interrupted and then scoffed. "And Harry is not in love with me," he argued. Red stared him with a raised brow. "I don't believe it." 

Red shrugged. "Just saying," she pointed. 

"And why are you telling me it?" Eggsy asked.

"Because there will be a moment when you'll have to start making hard decisions," she replied. "And when that moment arrive you have to be prepared to kill the little part in you that is liking him too and don't you dare deny to me that you aren’t, Eggsy Unwin." 

If Eggsy wasn't so well trained, he would have frozen. There here was, feeling guilty for not telling Ginger what was going on with him, and Red had noticed it only watching one interaction. "You are acting like this is a tragedy or something, Claire. It ain't." He said, deciding not to confess his feelings, even though he knew it would be useless. Red probably could read him as easily as a book.

"It may become. I saw it happens before," she said sternly. "With me," she added softly. "So, watch yourself and measure the prices. I’m not saying that this all will end up in tragedy. God’s know it isn’t the first time in history that an agent fell for the subject of a mission,” she pointed. 

"I understand," he replied sternly. "Are you going to tell Ginger?" 

She smirked. "She probably anticipated that something like this could happen, after all she choose you not only because you weren’t ready for field missions, but because you both share a familiar experience, even though he doesn’t remember his,” Red glared Eggsy deep in his eyes, and he knew that she was talking about Jack and what happened with them during the V Day.

"That woman is a fucking computer," he said playfully, ignoring all the dark feelings that always tries to emerge when someone mentions the V Day. "She asked me to take Harry for New York, so they can evaluate him again and run some tests," Eggsy explained. "I didn't bring it yet, Ginger told me I could take a few days." Red nodded in agreement and then sighed. 

"You probably shouldn't take so many days though,” she commented. “I think I'll go now, kid," Red said.

"Wait," Eggsy exclaimed. "Won't you say goodbye to Harry?"

"No," she smiled. "I think I scare him a little bit," she pointed. "Let him take a break from me. If they approve you for more missions, we'll see each other again."

"Oh!" Eggsy said. "They promoted you to babysitter too?" He asked wittily.

"In your dreams," she replied. "I lost a bet with Rose Wine, they were going to send her here."

"Actually," Eggsy said with an impressed face. "That's makes more sense. I didn't know why in hell of all people they sent a senior agent like you," he commented and Red chuckled.

"Never," she emphasized. "Never make a bet with that woman, you'll lose."

"Got it," Eggsy said.

"I forgot to ask you about how are you handling, being here," she said softly. 

"It isn't so bad as I expected," he said, trying hard not to confesses that Harry was pretty effective in keeping Jack's ghost away. But he didn't think that Red would appreciate the ghostbuster joke. She nodded.

"Say farewell for him in my name," she smiled. "Goodbye, Eggsy."

"See you around, Claire."

Eggsy watched Claire leave, she stood there for a minute, watching Harry enjoying his tea through the window. The night was approaching slowly, and the evening breeze was becoming more cold. Maybe Eggsy should try to convince Harry to take their little tea party inside, or maybe it was time for them to start to prepare dinner. Anyway, he wanted to avoid thinking about Red’s considerations towards his relationship with Harry. He wanted to preserve the illusion a little more.

Two men living a peaceful and quiet life in a little town on Maine. 

*

That night, Harry had the strangest of dreams. Not that have strange dreams were a rare occasion for him. In fact, he has been having a lot of those since the last week. In a particularly scary one, he was falling from the sky with a bunch of faceless people around him, and he didn't die when he hit the ground. Instead, he was tied down on a railway and a train was getting closer and closer until it exploded in a billion butterflies. But that night's dream surpassed them all.

Harry was in the loo taking a piss, and in front of him, there was a dog sitting on a shelf. A terrier, he thought. The dog was alive and looking at Harry with bored eyes. Then, he started speaking with the voice of a Scotsman very grumpy "Ye'll be the death of me Harry," the dog said. "Stop giving me bacon."

"Of course, Mr. Merlin," Harry replied. "Excuse me, I have a guest," he said.

Right after that, he went into a dining room and a bald black faceless man was waiting for him. He was eating a McDonald's Cheese Burger and when Harry sat, he grabbed a Big Mac. Then, the man started to speak in a very excitedly, but well put on manner.

"Now, Mr. DeVere. About climate change--"

Then Harry woke up, confused, and a little amused by the queerness of the dream. Later, while Eggsy was driving them to the University, Harry told him about the dream and the other man looked at him with the same amused smirk that Harry had when he woke up. As he suspected, Eggsy was pleased by the nonsense of Harry's dream.

"The point is," Harry said firmly. "Now I have this voracious craving for a Big Mac, of all things. Do you think we can stop by the city, after the meeting, and grab one of those?" 

"Sure," Eggsy replied.

"Excellent," Harry said.

"Harry," Eggsy started hesitantly. "I really hate to ruin your mood, but I need to talk with you about something," he said. Harry looked at him with a raised brow and a curious expression. 

Did Eggsy notice the way that Harry had started looking at him in a smitten manner? Or he noticed the way Harry had to try very hard not to blush when Eggsy mindlessly flirted with him as a joke? Was he going to turn down Harry's feelings? Say it wasn't appropriate given their circumstances? Or worst, would he mock Harry because there was no way a young thing like him could be attracted to an old one as Harry? But when he spoke, Eggsy didn't talk about any of those things.

"Ginger asked me to take you to New York City," Eggsy explained. "They want to make a check-up on you, some routine exams, and this kind of stuff."

"Oh? When?" Harry asked cheerlessly surprised. 

"The sooner the better, I supposed," Eggsy sighed. "But since I just got back, she gave me a few days, so I’ll let you decide if you wanna go there tomorrow or if you want to wait for a little." Harry took a few minutes to think, he was glad that Eggsy was always trying to make this comfortable for him. It was one of the many reasons why he started linking the other man after all.

"I suppose it will be better if we just rip off the band-aid already, won't it?" He asked. "Besides, the field trip to The Charlotte Rhoades Park and Butterfly Garden is getting closer and I don't want anything to stop us from going there," he said. "Assuming we're going to come back here," he added insecurely.

"We will," Eggsy smiled trying to comfort Harry. "Don't worry, it's really just some exams and that's all. They want to see how are you adapting and if you remembered anything."

"If I had remembered anything, I would have told you by now," Harry said dryly. He didn’t like to be reminded that Eggsy didn’t completely trust him yet.

"Really?" Eggsy said surprised.

"Of course, why would I keep it from you? The whole point of this all is making me remember everything so I can help you and then get my life back," Harry commented. “Well, this is if I’m not in some kind of danger, which I doubt because I really can’t see myself living a dangerous life.”

He decided to keep to himself the fact that he was a little afraid of remembering everything. What if his life was bad? It would be quite a shame have to say goodbye to this lovely thing he has just to go back for a miserable life. And there was Eggsy, Harry was sure that he had better things to do than take care of him, but he didn't want to say goodbye to him yet.

"Right," Eggsy unfazed. There was a growing tension rising in the car, and Harry didn’t like it. It reminded him of those early days when he barely talked with Eggsy, and when his mind where so fuzzy that it was hard to live.

"Eggsy," Harry said. "I just told you about a dream where I was pissing while a talking dog was speaking," he pointed, a little smirk on his lips. "I have no secrets to keep," he added playfully, Eggsy compensate him with a smile. This was better, Harry thought. Eggsy wanted to point out how it didn't count, after all it was just a dream, but he decided to change the subject to something less.....intense. 

"Do you like the broadway, Harry?" Eggsy asked out of the blue. "Like musicals and this kind of stuff?" Harry looked at him surprised.

"I do find musicals enjoyable, but I don't remember watching one in the theater," he explained. Harry hated that most of this replied, when asked if he liked something, was ‘I Don’t Remember’. It was tiresome.

"Why don't we watch one while we are on N.Y?" Eggsy said. "I've never watched one either," he pointed.

"Do you think they'll allow it?" Harry asked hopefully. It would be good to do something different, especially after being treated like a lab rat. Eggsy shrugged.

"I don't think so, I'll check with Ginger when we get back from the University."

"In that case," Harry said. "I would like it very much," he grinned.

"It's a date then, bruv," Eggsy replied mindlessly while he was parking the car. Harry was lit with hope, and he knew it was dangerous. He knew he could end up burned or worse. But he didn’t care, he lost part of his life and he was determined to live the rest of it the best as he could. That meant be imprudent sometimes, and even selfish. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was a little bit "slow" compared with the past one (or not), but I'm really glad that I'm achieving the part in this story that I was really excited about, and I can't wait to share it all with you. Also, sorry if this was kind of short and that it took me so long to post it, I took some days for myself so I didn't write much.
> 
> I can't wait to see your reactions.
> 
> The song of this chapter is Lovesong by The Cure


	6. Plastic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOOK THE WARNINGS AT THE END (WHEN YOU FINISH READING THE FIC).

Harry wished he could appreciate the views of the streets of New York City, but soon they set their feet out of the plane, Eggsy made him wear a blindfold. "I'm sorry, bruv," Eggsy had said. "I can't let you see where the headquarter is. You'll have to wait a little to watch angry people walking quickly and never-ending buildings." Harry just nodded resigned. It was nothing but a reminder of his situation, one of the many that his growing feelings for Eggsy made him forget about.

So, instead of looking through the window of the car that picked them up, Harry was leaning his head on the headrest, and listening carefully to the radio. They were talking about the V-Day and how it is going to complete one year in the next week. Apparently, throughout the whole world, the governments were preparing an official mourning day in homage to the victims. It all was a tragedy, of course, and an absurd. The fact that a group of privileged people thought they had the right to commit genocide to save the same planet that they had damaged because of their own greed was unbelievable, and it made Harry angry. They were the kind of people that Harry would gladly kill if he was sure he could get away with it.

"Wait," Harry thought alarmed. "Where in heavens did it come from?" Harry wasn't a violent person. He can become very angry and sometimes his anger can backfire, causing an imprudent behavior, but he was never violent. Still, he could feel it on himself. Almost like he was about to remember something. It was like forgetting a word you want to say; you don't remember the word, but you know its meaning and its shape. It's there, right on the tip of your tongue, and under the surface of your mind. If you stretch your arm, you can almost reach it...

Harry was reaching for it, trying to remember...

"Can you change the station, mate?" Eggsy asked at his side. His voice was tense and the tone indicated that there was no room for discussion.

and then it was gone, like a rabbit jumping away.

"Of course, sir," the driver replied. A loud pop-ish song that, of course, Harry didn't recognize started to pay. He sighed.

"I'm sorry, Harry," Eggsy said. "I'm not in the mood to hear about the V-Day."

"That's okay, Eggsy," Harry replied softly. He could imagine it was a rough subject for those people that could remember it.

The whole world losing control of themselves; people killing people without a second thought, their leaders blowing up like fireworks, the confusing following days when chaos ran the world, the revelation of the truth behind it all, and then the efforts to regain a sense of normalcy that wouldn't come back completely. Yes, Harry could see it easily and it was terrifying. For the first time, he was glad that Eggsy's organization had kept him in safety for all those months. 

"We're almost there," Eggsy informed him, his voice a little calmer.

Harry sighed, he was anxious to this all come to an end, and he couldn't wait to be back at home with Eggsy. This time, when Harry thought about going home, something felt odd. I mean, odder than it usual queerness. There was something missing on their little house on Maine.

"Maybe," Harry thought. "I can convince Eggsy to let me hang some butterflies on the walls or at least some paintings. They look too empty."

*

Harry was only allowed to remove the blindfold when they were already inside the building. More specifically, inside an infirmary where a couple of doctors and nurses were waiting for him. The room was all white and without personality; there were a bed and one of those metallic examination tables, some equipment that looked too expensive and advanced to be even real, and a lot of other objects that Harry didn't know the names. There was also a loo, where Harry changed his clothes. They asked him to sit on an examination table made of metal, and Harry grumpily did it. He was feeling like a bloody dog in the vet.

"We'll collect some blood," the nurse informed him. "Can you please stretch your arm, sir?" She asked and Harry obeyed. While the nurse was searching for a vein, Harry looked up to observe Eggsy.

The doctors were talking with him, whispering questions to Eggsy that Harry couldn't hear. In return, Eggsy was replying to them with a stern and unfazed expression. A true professional, well, at least until he turned his eyes discretely toward Harry. His green eyes lit, and Harry observed how Eggsy tried to suppress a smile. Harry was also able to hide his own grin. With a shared glance, they both agreed on something, Harry looked absolutely ridiculous in the blue hospital gown that they requested him to wear. 

"Protocol," the same nurse had said right after he removed his blindfold. "After all, you are about to go through a lot of exams, it'll be more practical," she had explained. 

Well, Harry couldn't care less about practicality when that fucking dress wasn't able to keep his arse from getting cold. A truly humiliating experience, especially when the man he was affectionate with was walking in his direction with a smirk on the face that indicated he was well aware of Harry's discomfort. Eggsy was a provoking cheeky bastard, as Harry learned, and he wouldn't have him in any other manner. By the time Eggsy stood in front of him, the nurse already had collected a lot of blood, and she was almost finishing.

"Behave yourself," Eggsy said, noticing how annoyed Harry was. "Try not to give them a hard time, okay?"

"I would never, dear," Harry said, and he wouldn’t. He could hate it, and sometimes his hate was very apparent, but he would never behave badly. And, well, if he did people wouldn’t notice because he was good at being politely sarcastic. "You can't stay?" Harry asked almost shyly.

"Do you wanna me to hold your hand?" Eggsy said playfully, and Harry rolled his eyes while smiling with amusement. 

"I was merely wondering why you won’t delight me with your company during this tedious experience," Harry intoned.

Eggsy sighed, and then he blushed. "You won't be the only lab rat here today, bruv," he admitted. "They’ll run some tests to check my ribs and I need to talk with someone," he explained. “Maybe when I finish.”

"Oh?" Harry exclaimed. He was imagining Eggsy wearing a hospital gown as well, it was a very appealing image and Harry was a little embarrassed that his mind went there. "My condolences," he said humorously dry and Eggsy giggled a little.

"Gotta go," Eggsy said. "I'll find you later," he added, and for a moment Harry feared that Eggsy wouldn't come back for him. Eggsy must have noticed it because he put a firm and comforting hand on Harry's shoulder. "I have a surprise for you, so hang on."

"Okay," Harry replied trying to get a grip over his feelings. "I'll see you later."

Eggsy nodded and got out of the room. Harry was left to the doctors' mercy. 

*

"The last time we saw each other in person, you asked me why I still blame me if I wouldn't blame Jack if our roles were reversed," Eggsy said looking at Sugar, a stern expression on his face. They were both in Sugar's office, sitting on comfortable brown armchairs, and the Japanese woman was glaring him with interest. A clock was ticking on the wall, and Eggsy was trying very hard not to look at it. "But the thing is, Jack would blame himself too."

"Of course he would," Sugar replied. "And I would be here to say to him the same things I said to you. Valentine is the one to blame, you both were mere instruments of his plans."

"It doesn't erase the fact that I was the one that did it," Eggsy argued a little angry. "Logically, I know it wasn't my fault. I know that if I was in control I wouldn't have done it. But I still did it, when I close my eyes at night it is me that I see killing Jack, not Valentine," he confessed, loudly and fastly like he just needed to put it all out of him at once. "I'm sorry. I'm really trying."

"I know Eggsy," Sugar smiled gently. "Don't ever apologize for open up about your feelings, it's definitely an improvement considering that you barely spoke in our firsts sessions," she commented. "The last time we talked through video call, you said you weren't comfortable living in a house that belonged to Jack. How is it now?"

"Easier," Eggsy breathed. "Harry helps a lot, somehow, and I don't get so sad when I think about Jack now. I still feel a little guilty, but most of the days, it's manageable. Besides that Panic Attack that I reported to you, I didn't have another."

"That's excellent," Sugar exclaimed. "When Ginger consulted me about it I was a little torn about allowing you to live there, it could be positive or not. I'm glad that, overall, you didn't have much trouble."

"Yeah," Eggsy gave her a weak smile. He knew he wasn't being completely honest about it, but not all of what he was saying was a lie. It was getting easier, but he couldn't force himself to explain to her that sometimes he thought about Jack as a ghost that would haunt him forever. "The part I like about it," he started again. "It's that sometimes I remember some random good stuff about Jack, it's nice to forget about what happened in that hotel room and think about happy memories."

"You mentioned Harry," Sugar said. "I want to know how things are between you two."

"Things are good," Eggsy said, gladly changing subjects. Talk it was still hard and it wouldn’t ever stop being hard. How do you overcome the fact that you killed someone you love because some lunatic built up some crazy machine that made you become so angry that you lost control of yourself? You simply don’t, and Eggsy knows it. You just have to try to move on the best you can. "It's like being a babysitter instead of a bodyguard," he explained. 

"So, you are getting along well?"

"Yes," Eggsy replied. "I know this may sound crazy, but sometimes I can't help but feel like were are friends," he confessed. "You don't need to worry tho, I still know this is a mission," Eggsy added, feeling the need to justify himself. He didn't want Sugar or Ginger to think that he wouldn't be able to complete the mission because he and Harry were getting closer.

"It isn't something out of normal," Sugar said understandably. "Ginger told me about the specifications of this mission and it was pretty obvious that, in order to work, you both would have to create some kind of friendly bond. After all, we wanted to create a normal environment for Harry," she explained. "I'm just surprised that you allowed yourself to get closer to him so quickly. After Jack, I was afraid that you would close yourself and it could affect not only your personal life but also more delicate works like infiltration missions, where create bonds are fundamental."

Honestly, it was something that surprised Eggsy as well, but talk with Harry was something so simple, and it just happened. In the beginning, Eggsy was really just trying to be nice with him, but then he started to care. And that grew. Eggsy sighed, he was starting feeling guilty again, not because of Jack, but because he was developing feelings towards Harry and it was a problem. The thing is when Eggsy is in infiltration missions or even in honey spots, he knows the true nature of his targets and he’s aware of it the whole time. So, even though Eggsy is able to create a convincing bond with his targets to the point that, sometimes, he saw himself liking them, it is easy to get out of it and fulfill his duties. 

With Harry, things were more complicated than that because Eggsy didn’t know Harry, the person that killed efficiently twenty people on the church while he was under Valentine’s control. He knew Harry, the guy that likes butterflies. When Eggsy was with a target whose background he was aware of, he just had to think something like "Hey, this guy is charismatic, hot and I kind of became his friend, but he's also a human traffic dealer” and then it was easier for him to betray them to complete the mission. He couldn't do it with Harry because he didn't know him at all, not the real Harry at least. 

"Well, I think your personality played a big part in it," Sugar commented with a smile.

"Mrs. Sato," Eggsy started hesitantly. "There is something else. While I was away, Red watched Harry and she commented with me that she thinks he has a little crush on me," he decided to confess. He couldn’t fuck it up again, the last time he fucked up a task was during his last mission with Jack, and even if it wasn’t related to what happened later that day, the taste of it in Eggsy’s mouth was bitter. He was a Statesman, he should behave like one.

"Again, it isn't something unexpected," Sugar said. “I don’t think this can be considered Stockholm Syndrome because Harry isn’t under abuse or intimidation, but I’ll talk about this with the therapist responsible for his case because he’s under our guard after all. Maybe it can be it, or maybe it’s the fact that you are the only person that it’s really creating a relationship with him after he lost his memories. We are dealing with a situation way out of normal, it’s hard to predict.”

"Right," Eggsy sighed and Sugar looked at him with a raised brow.

"And how do you feel knowing that Harry is developing feelings for you?" She asked. Oh, Boy. How could Eggsy reply to that? That he wanted it to be real? Not some kind of Syndrome originated because of this whole situation? That he was scared because he wanted it?

"I'm flattered," he giggled. "He's a good looking bloke," Eggsy said playfully trying to give himself some time to think.

"Eggsy--" Sugar started to say in a stern and worried tone, she knew Eggsy too well.

"It's strange, okay?" He blurted. "I'm a little concerned about what will happen when he starts remembering." 

Sugar glared at him. "Do you think you are compromised?"

He stopped to think. Would he be able to turn Harry in if it was needed? In the worst-case scenario possible, would he be able to face Harry? The answer was yes, he would. It won’t be fucking easy and he knows it. It will probably hurt like hell, but Eggsy wouldn’t risk the future of the world because he was having a fucking crush. Also, there is the fact that Harry wants to cooperate, and if that’s the case, things won’t end up badly. Statesman can give Harry a new beginning and if Harry allows Eggsy to be part of his life from that moment forward, Eggsy will gladly be his friend. Maybe even more, and Eggsy’s dream of two-man living in a little house won’t be a illusion anymore.

He could deal with it, at least he thought he could deal with it.

"No," Eggsy said determinedly. "I'm not." Sugar gave him a little smile and looked at him with a ponderative expression. Then, she sighed. 

“Then, I won’t ask Ginger to remove you from this mission,” she said. “If you are sure that you are able to carry on with this mission, I trust you. And I don’t want to do anything to stop Harry’s progress and his therapist commented, briefly, to me that he improved in some aspects even though they only talk through video call once per week.”

“Yeah, I mean,” Eggsy said trying to control his excitement. “He didn’t remember anything yet, but he doesn’t look so absent-minded like before, and he is even making some friends” he commented. 

“That’s great,” Sugar replied. “Now, I want to know about the mission you took over. I heard it went well.”

“It was a breeze,” Eggsy grinned. “It was so good to be back on the field. I didn’t even think about Jack or got anxious. I just focused on the mission and on what I needed to do.”

“Do you feel ready to return to the field?” She asked.

“Fuck yeah,” Eggsy said excitedly, finally that conversation was getting into a good topic. “I can’t wait to be back.”

Normal people would think that, after what happened with Jack, Eggsy wouldn't want to go back, but it was pretty much the contrary. Eggsy knows that his job is important for the world and it makes him feels necessary, important even. Eggsy grew up with a mother that was too hurt to take care of him, and a stepfather that was eager to point out how Eggsy wasn't anything. So, the feeling that he was needed, wasn't something that Eggsy could afford to lose. Especially after he killed Jack. More than ever he needed to prove to himself that he survived for a reason.

"It's a pretty tough job, kiddo," Jack had said to him right after he explained to Eggsy what Statesman was. "Not gonna lie to ya, but I do think your mother can handle the job. And she won't be an agent so it won't be so dangerous," he had smiled and Eggsy wanted to punch him. 

He was still a little angry that Jack gave his mom a job that seemed fucking insane and unbelievable. At that time, Eggsy didn't even understand why a secret agency would allow one of their agents to tell the truth about them to a teenager. Probably Jack had something to do with that as well, but Jack never told him about it.

"I'm just worried," Eggsy, that had seventeen by that time, had said. "Aren't you? I know you and my mum have something going on," he had provoked. "I'm not blind." Jack had chuckled.

"It's part of the job," Jack had replied. 

"It's worth?" Eggsy had asked.

"Every goddamn minute, kiddo," Jack said. "It's like being a superhero, one of those that wear capes," he explained. "Some people, kiddo, are born to go through their lives without realizing how much this world is fucked up, and some people are born to protect them of that truth and to try to turn the lie in reality. And the feeling when ya are successful at it, the feeling that you have when you know you saved billions, it's indescribable."

"And that would be you," Eggsy had pointed with a smirk.

"Ya goddamn right, that's me," Jack had replied with a big grin on his face. "Maybe it will be ya someday," he had added. "Or an Olympic Gymnast, no pressure."

Eggsy smiled with the memory. His mum and Jack broke up a little after that; Michelle couldn't be with someone she feared losing constantly, and Jack wasn't ready for a long relationship. They remained friends though. After that talk, Jack basically started to mentoring Eggsy's to become a Statesman. Michelle didn't like the idea of her only son becoming an agent, but she couldn't fight against it. Eggsy knew it was his destiny, it was what he was born to do and he wouldn't change it even though it could be terribly painful sometimes. 

“It won’t take much longer,” Sugar said. “I do think you can start going back slowly, simple missions first.”

“Wait,” Eggsy exclaimed. “For real?”

“Yes, Mr. Unwin,” Sugar replied. “For real. I’ll talk with Ginger, of course. I’ll call her later today. She’s in our Kentucky headquarters.”

“Thank you, Sugar,” Eggsy said. “I won’t fuck it up.”

“I know you won’t, Mr. Unwin,” Sugar said. 

*

A feeling of relief took over Harry's heart when he was allowed to put his clothes on again. He felt much more comfortable wearing a button-up shirt and trousers than he felt in a thin hospital gown, he also felt less vulnerable. It was almost like wearing a part of an armor, that would be perfectly complete if he had a tie and a jacket as well. That thought made Harry stop buttoning his shirt, then he looked at himself in the mirror with a curious expression. 

  
  


Another intrusive thought.

Harry didn't enjoy wearing suits or tuxedos, he never did. Very often, his parents would rant non-stop about how he should dress properly instead of using jeans, a T-shirt, and leather jackets because he was a presentable member of society and not some punk. Of course, Harry didn't listen to them. For the past months, the only time he would dress something that wasn't jeans or sweatpants was when he and Eggsy were in the city or in the university, and even then Harry didn't put an effort so big like wearing a suit. 

So, it was strange, but Harry just shrugged and continued to button his shirt. Maybe that thought was caused by the fact that he wanted to dress nicely for Eggsy, he wanted Eggsy to look at him and be attracted to him. Harry felt old, he was old, and it made him feel insecure about pursuing the other man's affection. They weren't in an easier situation, and Harry's age only complicated it more. He was fifty years old, Eggsy was half of his age, and if Harry wanted to have a chance he has to apply himself a little more.

After he finished button his shirt, he groomed his hair, and then put his eye patch on. He was looking like a James Bond villain, and it was part amusing and part.......empowering in a very weird manner. Harry wasn't very passionate about the way some people would look at him, but he was very fond of the way they would blush or look away when Harry caught them staring at him. Okay, Eggsy was right about the eye-patch, it made him look.....cool. 

Someone knocked on the door, Harry sighed. "I'll be out in a minute," he said out loud. Eggsy was waiting for him outside the infirmary’s loo. After Eggsy went through his own physical exams and met the person he needed to talk to, he found Harry again. Then, Eggsy made him company while Harry was being tested and questioned by the doctors. Harry was utterly jealous by the fact that Eggsy's exams were done so quickly. He was the one with sore ribs while Harry was perfectly fine.

Harry unlocked the door, turned the handle, and opened it in one quick, and fluid movement. Eggsy was waiting for him with crossed arms and a frowned face. However, when he saw Harry again, it melted into a soft impatient expression.

"What took you so long in there? Admiring yourself in the mirror?" Eggsy asked provocatively.

"As a matter of fact," Harry started, a little smile on his face. "I was. Why?"

Eggsy nodded, trying not to smile, and then he looked at Harry. "I have plans, bruv, and we only have today to finish them up. Our flight is tomorrow after lunch," Eggsy argued. 

"What is the point of having a private jet if you can't choose the time of the flight?" Harry asked.

"Dunno, mate," Eggsy said. "I don't make the rules, and we aren't in a holiday or something," Eggsy pointed. Then he sighed and handled the blindfold for Harry.

"Again?" Harry exclaimed picking it up.

"As I said--"

"You don't make the rules, I know," Harry pointed, not making a good job in hiding his frustration, and then he put it on. “What’s the surprise anyway? Are we going to really watch a musical or not?”

“Maybe,” Eggsy replied cheekily. Now, it was Harry that had to fight in order to not smile. 

Insane, it all was definitely insane, and the worst part it’s that Harry couldn’t make himself hate this situation. After all, he met Eggsy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE A LOT OF WARNINGS 
> 
> 1- You MUST listen to the song "Losing My Mind" from the musical Follies to get the vibe os the next chapter. Imelda Staunton's and Michael Ball's versions are my favorites.
> 
> 2- It would be a fucking big chapter but I decided to divide it in three and I'll explain why in the next topic.
> 
> 3- My post-grad classes are back :(. So from now on, I won't have a lot of time to write fics. I WILL STILL FINISH THIS ONE, THIS FIC IS THE ONLY THING GIVING SOME PLEASURE IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW SO DON'T WORRY. But I won't update it twice per week (I'll try to update one per week, but I can't guarantee). Usually, I talk about its progress on my Tumblr, so follow me if you want to see the progress of my writing.
> 
> 4- The song of this chapter is Plastic my New Order.
> 
> \-----
> 
> Now just a useless rant, I fucking HATED to write this chapter. It's boring, I know, but I had to write it anyway because I couldn't simply jump for their date. Also, it was a really hard part to write and I struggled a lot to make it work. My writing here isn't my best work, but c'est la vie.
> 
> Please, give me your opinion and if you are liking this fic, let me now. YOUR COMMENT IS IMPORTANT FOR ME AND IT MOTIVATES ME.
> 
> Even something like "extra kudos" makes me jump of happiness, really.


	7. A Matter of Feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DO NOT FORGET TO LISTEN TO LOSING MY MIND FROM THE MUSICAL FOLLIES BEFORE READING THIS CHAPTER.
> 
> The song losing my mind and the musical Follies doesn't belong to me, credit for their creators.

The car was still in movement when Eggsy said "You can take the blindfold off." Harry let a sigh of relief get out of his chest while doing as Eggsy told, and his eyes were immediately drawn to the view outside the window. New York was definitely different from Orono, Maine, and London as well. He wouldn't describe it as breathtaking, but it was exciting and alive. Harry wasn't sure if he likes it, he grew accustomed to peace and tranquility of Eggsy’s house.

"Aces, innit?" Eggsy asked, a big grin on his face, probably caused by Harry's reaction. 

"Quite overwhelming," Harry replied looking at Eggsy. 

"Bruv, but you didn't see anything yet," Eggsy argued.

"I prefer quiet places," Harry said. “I’m confident enough of my opinion to affirm something like it now,” he gave Eggsy a little smile and the other man huffed.

"I've been knowing it for a while, mate. You were always locking yourself in your room," Eggsy said cheekily. 

"That's," Harry pointed. "It's unfair considering that we didn't meet in the most mundane of the circumstances, so of course, I would try to isolate myself from you," he said. When Harry looked through Eggsy's window, he saw a lot of trees. "Is that Central Park?" He asked curiously.

Eggsy turned his head to look through the window. "Yeah," he said. "Not like the ones back home though," he blurted and then turned to look at Harry, his eyes were wide like he was caught doing something wrong. "I mean, Maine," he added hurriedly. "Anyway, look through your window, we arrived," he informed Harry, trying to distract the other man.

The car stopped and Harry turned to see an impressive Victorian Gothic building, it was large and tall. Harry gasped, he knew that building. "It's that--"

"The American Museum of Natural History," Eggsy said excitedly. "From that movie that you love, Night At The Museum."

Night At The Museum was one of the many movies that Harry watched with Eggsy, and it was, by far, one of his favorites. He was very aware that it could be seen as kind of childish, but what Harry could say? The plot was totally interesting and he would die for the chance of working at a museum which attractions gain live at night. Not to mention all the extinct insects that he could watch. Really, no one could blame Harry for being a history and biology geek.

"I thought we were going to watch a musical," Harry commented impressed.

"We are going to," Eggsy said. "But I told you that I had a surprise for you. Also, I don't know if the musical I got tickets for is really good since it was a last-minute kind of thing," he explained.

"Thank you, Eggsy," Harry said sincerely.

"Then, off you go," Eggsy said with a big smile, he was very pleased with Harry's reaction. "We have three hours and the museum is kind of big, I dunno if we'll be able to see everything."

Harry and Eggsy stepped out of the car and made their way towards the museum's entrance. Once they crossed the door, Harry's jaw dropped when he faced the tyrannosaurus' skeleton. It was just like in the movie and he was so excited that it was kind of embarrassing, especially because Eggsy was staring at him with his smug and satisfied grin.

"I suppose he won't bark," Harry blurted, making Eggsy laugh. A dinosaur that behaves like a dog was one of the best things in that movie, in Harry's opinion. He was, in fact, very fond of dogs and dinosaurs, so it was the best of both worlds. In that aspect, the reality was really disappointing to a degree. Still, the opportunity of seeing a dinosaur's remains so close was amazing.

"If you could have a dino-dog as a pet," Eggsy started. "Which name would you give them?" He asked.

"Mr. Pickle," Harry automatically said, for a minute he had that sensation that he was about to remember something again, but then he just put that aside when Eggsy scoffed.

"Really, Harry?" Eggsy said. "Mr. Pickle?" 

Harry looked at Eggsy with a challenging expression. "Do you have a better name then?" 

"Yes, Rex," Eggsy said with a cheeky smile and Harry rolled his eyes.

"Rex," Harry repeated. "How original," he said wryly.

"Sod off," Eggsy replied playfully. "At least I named them with a common dog name, instead of naming them after a fucking pickle."

"My point, exactly," Harry said. "Mr. Pickle is a very unique name and a dino-dog, as you named it, it’s a very unique creature. Hence, Mr. Pickle is more suitable as a dino-dog name than Rex."

"Sure," Eggsy drawled Ironically. 

"Your name is Eggsy," Harry pointed. "I don't think you can judge my choice of a name," Harry smiled smugly at Eggsy. Eggsy pressed his lips together and Harry's smile only grew.

"You won this time, bruv," Eggsy admitted defeatedly.

"Of course I won," Harry said. "Now, you mentioned something about limited time."

"Yeah," Eggsy said fondly. "Let's grab our tickets."

They went in line and kept talking until they purchased the tickets. It was easy for them to forget everything else while they were with each other doing ordinary stuff, like going into a museum and talking about movies. All their problems were miles away. Harry couldn't even remember that an hour ago he was being treated like a lab rat, and Eggsy's dark feelings vanished. The now was everything that mattered for them at that moment. It was, in a lot of ways, like breathe after holding your breath for a while.

After they got the tickets, they started their tour. The museum was beautiful, but not everything was exactly like the movie, which was understandable and not a problem at all. In fact, there were a lot more exhibitions that they thought it had initially. However, Harry grinned more openly every time they did found something that was similar to the movie. When they entered the Margaret Mead Hall of Pacific Peoples and they found out the Easter Island Statute, Eggsy honestly though that Harry was going to cry.

"If you were a character in the movie, which one would you be?" Eggsy asked attracting Harry's attention. Harry held his own chin while thinking.

"Probably Rebecca," Harry replied, and Eggsy frowned.

"The nerd woman?" He questioned. "Actually, yeah. I can see it. But it’s kind of boring, Harry. You could have chosen the dino-dog." Harry huffed with Eggsy’s provocation, but he gave smiled at the other man anyway.

"And you?" Harry asked intrigued. "Who would you be?"

"Pretty much Jed," Eggsy said. "I think."

"You do look good dressed as a cowboy," Harry commented before walking away with an unfazed face. Eggsy rushed himself to follow him, trying not to blush. "But I also think you would be a good Larry," he added. 

"Is this bruv trying to kill me?" Eggsy thought while looking at Harry with narrowed eyes. 

Larry and Rebecca were the “romantic” pair of the movie, and Harry was someone smart enough to know exactly the implications of a statement like that. For a minute, Eggsy was unsure if Harry was really flirting with him, the man was so good in not showing his emotions when he wanted that it was kind of hard to understand it. 

Anyway, Eggsy knew that she shouldn't flirt back. He knew that he should back off a little, that he and Harry were getting dangerously closer. He talked about it with Sugar hours before. But it was like he couldn't stop being himself around Harry, so he decided to tease the other man.

"Are you calling me incompetent and dumb, bruv?" Eggsy asked, feigning being angry. Harry turned his head so fast that he almost hurt himself.

"Of course not," he exclaimed, flushing. "I'm sorry. I had no intention of offending you, and I can't believe you would think something like that. Larry is very inventive, smart, and kind. He cares about everyone in the museum even though they aren't really real," Harry rambled. "You both are similar in a lot of ways, but none of you are dumb or incompetent," he added fervently. “If something, Jed is less intelligent than Larry.”

What Harry said was the truth, Eggsy was as gentle and kind as Larry. The difference is that while Larry was kind to a bunch of dead historic items that gained life at night, Eggsy was gentle with an old amnesic man that didn’t know who he was. Harry's heart ached. He wasn't very different from those historic items, was he? 

"Hey," Eggsy said putting his hand on Harry's back. He noticed that Harry's smile faded and that he was looking crestfallen. "I was just joking. I know you weren't calling me dumb, mate." 

"Oh," Harry exclaimed shyly, then he cleaned his throat. "Well, I like Larry a lot, I couldn't let you put a bad word about him like this," he said making Eggsy smile. "Or you," he confessed staring at Eggsy. 

Their eyes met, Eggsy gave him another smile and Harry’s heart started to race on his chest. God, did Eggsy had any idea of the power he has over Harry? Harry didn’t know that Eggsy was aware of his affections, but no. Eggsy didn’t have any idea about how smitten for him Harry truly was. Just as Harry didn't have any idea that Eggsy was also falling for him. For Harry, everything that Eggsy was doing was kindness and not a sign of deeper affections. He couldn't allow let himself to have hope, even though he was decided to show Eggsy his true feelings slowly.

“Well,” Eggsy said, trying to cut the tension growing between them. He couldn’t let himself think about how Harry’s eye were so warm and full of  fondness for him . “I’m definitely smarter than them both, no monkey it's stealing my keys,” he joked. “Now, let’s go. I wanna see some more dinos.”

Their tour around the museum proceeded like that. Harry would get really excited with something, Eggsy would provoke him, Harry would reply wittily making Eggsy smile, and then Harry would smile because Eggsy was smiling. Eggsy's favorite part was The Fossils' Halls, all six of them, and even though Harry loved them as well, he was particularly fond of the Rose Center of Earth and Space. Harry was a very curious person, he liked to investigate and to have knowledge just for knowledge itself. In Eggsy's opinion, it was something extremely admirable and adorable.

When the time to leave the museum arrived, both of them were sad that they weren't able to see everything they wanted, but they were starving and they had a musical to watch.

"Where do you wanna eat?" Eggsy asked. "We're in N.Y so I think we'll find pretty much everything here," he added. Eggsy and Harry were outside the museum waiting for a cab. The sky was getting darker and darker. Harry knew he wouldn't be able to see any star, still, he looked to the sky in order to avoid Eggsy’s green eyes. It was getting harder and harder not to commit the stupidity that kiss Eggsy out of the blue probably would be.

"I'm not sure," Harry replied. "Honestly, I'm fine with everything, but spaghetti." 

A Taxi arrived, Harry was happy that this time Eggsy didn't make him wear a blindfold. He opened the door to Eggsy, that got inside without a second thought, and then he joined the other man in the back seat. Eggsy was biting his lips, and Harry wished he could bite Eggsy’s lips at well. He couldn’t avoid staring Eggsy this time, but, for his luck, Eggsy thought that Harry was waiting for an answer.

"What about sushi?" Eggsy asked. "Do you remember ever trying sushi before?"

"Humn, I don't believe I do," Harry replied.

"Then, sushi it is," Eggsy said with a smile.

*

The Al Hirschfeld Theatre, located at 302 West 45th Street in midtown Manhattan, was one of the many Broadway theaters spread all around New York. The building is large, made of bricks, and with capacity for fourteen hundred people. Its facade isn't so pretty, but its inside was breathtaking with its red velvet seats and its designed ceiling. In other words, the Al Hirschfeld Theatre was a historic and magnific jewel in the middle of a city that changed a lot through time.

Harry's and Eggsy's seats were located in the middle of the row of chairs, and it was located in a way that they could see the whole stage from a satisfactory distance. Watch the spectacle from there wouldn't be a problem and, while the room was being filled with people, Harry started to become sprightly. It felt like being part of something big, even though he was only there to watch it.

"Which show we're about to watch?" Harry whispered in Eggsy's ear, losing the way Eggsy shivered because of his voice.

"Follies," Eggsy replied in a low voice. "Dunno much about it though. I was trying to get The Phantom of the Opera tickets but they were sold out. Sorry," he said.

"Don't worry, dear," Harry replied. "It will only make things more interesting," he drawled. Eggsy didn't reply, he gave Harry a weak smile. It would be so easy to reach for Harry's hand, still, Eggsy just sat there motionless. He couldn't dare.

By the time the show started, there was a rising tension between them. The type of tension that only the closeness with someone you are attracted to can bring. So they were sat there, trying not to touch each other, trying not to look at each other, but unable to stop thinking and longing. Eggsy started to think that this all was a bad idea, but then he remembered how happy Harry was and he couldn’t feel guilty.

Follies is a musical written by James Goldman with music and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim. The musical is focused on the history of two couples, Buddy and Sally Durant Plummer, and Benjamin and Phyllis Rogers Stone. All four of them used to be friends when Sally and Phyllis were part of the cast of the Weismann's Follies, a musical. After years, the entire cast decided to make a big reunion in the old theater where the musical Weismann's Follies were presented. Because of that, Buddy and Sally met Ben and Phyllis, reviving a lot of old feelings.

As Eggsy and Harry fastly found out, Follies is a musical about nostalgia and melancholy. Behind all the Razzle Dazzle of old people meeting to relive the best moments of their lives, there was a sad feeling related to regret in the air. Regret for things that were said and done, and regret for words that weren't spoken and actions that weren't taken. And in the center of it all, there was love. Lost love, love that never fades, love that isn't reciprocal, and love that hurts. Follies was a musical about life itself.

Sally was still in love with Ben, her best friend's husband, and Buddy was still in love with Sally despite the fact that she never loved him. Instead of dealing with their problems, Buddy just decided to cheat Sally, even though he didn't love his lovers as much as he was still in love with his wife. Phyllis loved Ben, and she gave everything in order to support him, even her own dreams. However, Ben was never satisfied and he never showed her any appreciation. Ben, well. Ben was a jerk, that's the best way to describe him and all the pain he caused to Sally, Phyllis, and Buddy because he was too self-centered to see the damage he was causing.

Eggsy wasn't quite sure if he was enjoying it, maybe he was still too young to feel a deep connection with the characters. Harry, on the other hand, was totally smitten by it. Even though he couldn't remember his past as a whole, he could still felt the weight of the years over him. It reminded him that he was getting too old, achieving that point in people's life where it is too late to change, too late to conquer your dreams. The point of no return.

_ Sally stood in the middle of the stage. Her blond and short hair was like a crown of curls. She was wearing a silver nightgown, looking completely devastated. It was like she was bearing an unbearable pain and, in fact, she was. After all, she was deeply in love with the same man over years, and for a brief moment she thought he loved her back, but he didn’t.  _

_ "The sun comes up, I think about you," Sally started to sing softly with her deep voice. "The coffee cup, I think about you. I want you so, It's like I'm losing my mind," she had a small broken smile on her lips and her eyes were tearful. _

Eggsy gasped, it felt like a hundred knives were stabbing his heart. Sally's pain was almost palpable, it was like Eggsy could just extend his arm and touch her heart. She barely started to sing, and Eggsy already knew it was going to be his favorite song. Harry's mouth was pressed together, and the only thing he could think was "Oh, that’s it." A resigned confirmation that he was going insane as well. It was like Sally was confessing Harry's feelings for a bunch of strangers.

_ "The morning ends, I think about you. I talk to friends, I think about you. And do they know? It's like I'm losing my mind," Sally sang, despair slowly growing in her voice. "All afternoon, doing every little chore, the thought of you stays bright. Sometimes I stand in the middle of the floor. Not going left, not going right," the little smile she had was totally gone. Pain was written all over the face, as well as loneliness and longing. _

Harry thought about Eggsy, and he thought about how his life was centered around the younger man. Eggsy's thoughts were in Harry as well, and he was so conscious about the other man's presence on his side that he couldn't breathe properly. Both of them were being forced to face what they were feeling, how couldn't they? At that moment, both of them understood Sally. They understood what was like fall in love with someone that was unreachable. Someone that logically you shouldn’t love, but that you couldn’t stop love anyway.

_ "I dim the lights, and think about you. Spend sleepless nights, to think about you. You said you loved me, or were you just being kind?" She proceeded, her voice becoming quiet, almost resigned.  _

Harry remembered those nights when Eggsy was away in a mission, he was so worried all the time. And Harry didn't have any idea that Eggsy was thinking about those same days because he was also worried about Harry. It was almost ridiculous how that song spoke with them...

" _Or am I losing my mind?" The instrumental music grew. Violins, pianos, and trumpets melodically dancing through sound. Sally was becoming more erratic, almost like she didn't know what to do with herself. "I want you so, It's like I'm losing my mind," she sang, this time tears were falling._

They were both afraid of their feelings, for different reasons. While Eggsy's determination to not let those feelings control him were growing, Harry's determination to be eaten by them was at its apex. He didn't care about the fear, he didn't care about what could go wrong. If he wanted to be happy he couldn't care about those kinds of things. What was his alternative? Become someone like Sally or Buddy? Someone that was old and was never loved back because he didn't fight enough for it at the beginning? No, he refused to be one of those old people that regret all the things they didn't do.

_ "Does no one know? It's like I'm losing my mind. All afternoon, doing every little chore, the thought of you stays bright. Sometimes I stand In the middle of the floor, not going left, not going right," there was anger in her voice now. It was the type of anger that you have when you think life itself it's against you, plotting to make you miserable. “I dim the lights and think about you. Spend sleepless nights to think about you. You said you loved me, or were you just being kind!” Her voice echoed, achieving a high note, and then it became soft again, almost broken. “Or am I losing my mind?” _

The crowd around them was applauding her with enthusiasm, she deserved it. However, Eggsy and Harry were still hypnotized by it. The song penetrated their souls, becoming more than a song. God, it seemed like the song was made for them. They didn't dare to move, the show wasn't over yet. Still, their minds were far from it. Or near if you consider that they were thinking about each other. Eggsy closed his eyes for a minute, trying to catch his breath again. Harry clenched his fists, trying to control himself otherwise he would pick up Eggsy’s hand.

The next scene started.

*

"Well," Eggsy started when he and Harry entered into a Statesman's car that picked them up at The Theater. "This was depressing." 

He was unsure about what to say, the play was too fresh on his mind and he didn't want to reveal how it affected him. At the same time, the tension between them was becoming too dense and uncomfortable. Eggsy needed to do something about it. 

"Not entirely," Harry replied with a little smile. "There were some happy moments on it."

"Right," Eggsy said dryly. "Like one percent of it."

Harry chuckled. "Don't be so mean," he said. "Didn't you enjoyed anything at all?" 

"I don't think enjoy it's the right word for it, but there are moments that I didn't hate," he said while smirking. Eggsy didn’t have to appreciate the play at all, he loved Sally’s songs for reasons that belonged on to him, but the rest of it? Nah, Mamma Mia, or Hairspray was more like his taste. Even My Fair Lady, he loved My Fair Lady.

  
  


"Eggsy," Harry said cutting the subject. "Shouldn't you give me a blindfold? I don't want you to get into problems." 

"Oh," Eggsy exclaimed. "I totally forgot to tell you about it. We aren't going back there, we're going to stay in a hotel throughout the night. The less you have contact with us and what we do the better," he explained. 

"Thanks, God," Harry said relieved. "I hate those bloody things," he said making reference to the blindfold. Eggsy laughed and Harry smiled automatically, he loved the sound of Eggsy laughing. "It's quite a shame have such a beautiful view denied," Harry spoke softly, and Eggsy looked at him with a raised brow.

"Bruv, you need to have your sight checked because New York ain't that pretty. It’s awesome but pretty?? That’s too much" Eggsy pointed. Harry breathed, partly amused that Eggsy didn't understand that he wasn't talking about N.Y and partly relieved because of the same reason. "And you, did you like it?" Eggsy asked going back to their first subject.

"Yes," Harry replied confidently. "The songs were good, the actors did a great job, and the story gave me much to think about," he said. "I think I can go even further and admit that I loved it. Thank you."

"You're welcome, mate," Eggsy said, blushing a little. "I'm happy you liked it."

"This whole day was lovely," Harry smiled at him. "Apart from being treated like a lab rat, of course," he scoffed.

"Sorry for that," Eggsy said. "I hope you'll recover your memory soon, then you won't have to keep going through this and you'll have your life back," he said softly. Harry didn't reply, he didn't want to think about his lost memories or about his life before Eggsy. He just wanted to enjoin that moment. 

Eggsy and Harry kept talking with each other quietly all the way towards the hotel. Sometimes the driver would look at them, but he was discreet enough to not comment or stare them for so long. When they finally arrived at the hotel, Eggsy picked up their keys on the reception and they both headed to the elevator. Statesman arranged 

for their bags to be delivered at the hotel, but Eggsy needed to check it anyway.

"Will catch that drink that I processed you after confirming our bags," Eggsy said pressing the penultimate floor's button. They were alone inside of it.

"What do you think about Sally?" Harry asked curiously, his hands on his pockets.

"She's nuts," Eggsy sighed, looking at Harry. "But I kind of like her," he confessed. "I just don't get why she was insisting in trying to get the love of someone that clearly didn't love her. That guy was a dickhead anyway, she deserved better and Buddy was right fucking there."

"Sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants, I supposed," Harry replied glaring Eggsy’s back. The way that Harry was staring him made Eggsy’s stomach tumble, like butterflies were flying in it. "And there isn't anything people can to about it."

"Like Manifest Destiny," Eggsy blurted out of nowhere, he was nervous. Desperate to turns Harry's focus on something else. Eggsy didn’t know if he could resist Harry, not when the other man was looking at him like that, like Eggsy was one of his butterflies. "Just like Jed said in Night At The Museum," he added. "It's Manifest Destiny, you can't fight and neither can't I," Eggsy said giggling, trying to imitate Jed from the movie. But Harry didn't laugh, as Eggsy hopped for. He was just there, glaring Eggsy intensely with a silly smile on his lips. "Harry?" Eggsy said, his heart started to race.

Then, Harry started to get closer, and closer. He couldn’t hold it anymore, the need to be as near from Eggsy as possible was too strong to resist and, by the way Eggsy was looking at him, Harry knew that the younger man was also longing for him. Harry was still afraid of rejection. God, his hands were shaking and the only thing Harry could do was hope that Eggsy wouldn't see how torn apart for him Harry was. Harry stopped, he could feel Eggsy's breath on his skin.

Eggsy inhaled deeply, he was very aware of what was going to happen, and suddenly all his determination to keep his head on his mission wasn't enough to stop his cravings. Eggsy closed the distance between them with a soft kiss, and Harry pressed their bodies together against the elevator's wall. Not Eggsy nor Harry could describe what they were feeling, it was like being in their house on Maine.

That kiss was like returning home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLOW DARLINGS. I fucking LOVED writing this chapter and I hope you liked it too. I have just a little warning, I put 20 chapters, but that it's just an estimating, so it can be more or less than it. I still didn't write everything, but I don't want this fic to be TOO long.
> 
> This chapter's song is A Matter Of Feeling by Duran Duran and, of course, Losing My Mind from Follies.
> 
> Please, do not let to comment and give me your feedback (or extra kudos) and for updates follow me on Tumblr!


	8. Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want

The elevator made a noise when it hit the destined floor and they stopped kissing each other. They were both looking disheveled and breathless, Eggsy's lips were red and Harry's hair was pointing to different directions. Harry gave Eggsy a little smile, but Eggsy didn't smile back. He was looking a little pale, almost scared, and if Harry wasn't so euphoric about the kiss, he would have noticed that.

"Let's go to the room," Eggsy managed to say, still out of air, and Harry nodded.

Harry backed off and let Eggsy lead the way. Eggsy was happy that Harry couldn't see his face and all the panic that he couldn't hide. He fucked up, he did the only thing that he shouldn't do, and the worst part is that he wanted to do it again. God, he would do more if they were in another situation. But they weren't and Eggsy was feeling like a man about to walk to his death. 

Eggsy passed the card and opened the door, he was barely inside when Harry put his hands around him, trying to press him against the wall near the door, that now was closed. Eggsy allowed himself to go, he gave Harry the control that he wanted because he didn't want to hurt the other man by reacting. But when Harry was about to kiss him again, Eggsy turned his face. Harry ended up kissing his cheek and then Eggsy spoke.

"No," he said sternly, his tone was so firm and dry that Harry stopped. The room was dark, but Eggsy could see Harry's confused face perfectly. "It can't happen, Harry. You are my mission," Eggsy's voice trembled like he didn't believe in what he was saying and, of course, he didn’t. Harry was much more than a simple mission, a target. He became his friend and, along the way, Eggsy started falling in love with him.

"Is all that I am to you? A mission," Harry replied quietly and Eggsy's expression melted in something softer, something painful. He didn’t want to hurt Harry or deny him.

"No, you ain't just a mission," Eggsy confessed. "And it still doesn't make this right."

"If you're not willing to do it," Harry drawled. "By all the means you are right, but if you are as willing as I am, I don't believe that is one single thing wrong about what we both want," Harry put a hand on Eggsy's cheek and Eggsy felt so warm, so safe. It has been a while since he let himself be this vulnerable and he was craving for more. He chuckled nervously.

"It's like you forgot what I just said," Eggsy blurted, a little smile on his face. Eggsy knew that Harry was smart, he knew Harry was aware of the oddness of their situation. Still, it looked like Harry didn’t care and Eggsy could easily bet that, in fact, he didn’t. If there is something that Eggsy learned about the other man, is that Harry isn’t shy about the things that he wants or likes. Eggsy also knew he was one of those things.

"Eggsy, darling," Harry inhaled. "I understand, I do. But why can't we give ourselves this night? No matter what happens in the future, which I'm sure won't be bad because I can't think in one single reason why I wouldn't do everything in order to be with you. We'll always have this day and this night," Harry's voice was soft and sincere, calm. Damn be the future consequences, all that mattered for Harry was the  present.

Eggsy didn't reply, he didn't want to. The truth is that he wanted it, and he wanted Harry to convince him because, then, he could blame the other man instead of admitting to himself that he was too weak to resist. And Harry was pretty much aware of it, he was becoming more and more aware of Eggsy and how to read him. It was almost like a sleeping instinct that was waking. 

"My dear," Harry purred in Eggsy's ear. "What is the worst regret that someone can have?" He asked. "Take action and regret it later, or do nothing and wonder for the rest of their lives what would have happened if they just had stepped forward. Which one, do you think, is the most painful kind?"

That answer, Eggsy knew. Indeed, he knew it too well. His life was full of 'I should have'. In more than one occasion he thought "I should have hugged my father more" or "I should have said I loved him" or "I should have told my mum that Clark didn't seem a good person" or "I should have invited Jack for drinks more often" or "I should have said Jack that I loved him as much as I loved my father". Eggsy didn't want more "should have" in his life because, indeed, it was easier to deal with the mistakes he had done. He did regret a lot of things that he ended up doing, but he learned from it and he could deal with the shame and regret, it wasn’t easy, but it was possible. Now, the things that he didn’t do? Sometimes they ate Eggsy alive at night, not letting him sleep.

He also knew that he and Harry needed to talk. They have a lot of shit to sort out, but at that moment he didn't care about it. He was about to blur the lines, he'll deal with drawing them back again later. So...

Eggsy stepped forward and kissed Harry.

The kiss wasn't sloppy, it had intent. For Eggsy, it was the release of all the emotions that he was trying to held trapped in his heart. It was a "fuck you" for his brain that was trying to be reasonable and logical about this whole situation. A reminder that, in fact, feelings are not logical no matter what people may think. For Harry, it was a conquer. Like climbing a mountain and realizing that you are alive while your lungs are burning because of the lack of air. This was his, fuck his past-self and all the memories he didn't have. He was creating his own life and he wanted Eggsy on it. 

All of that was wrapped in a slow kiss that proceeded even when Eggsy was gently pushing Harry toward the bed. Harry sat on the bed, and Eggsy put his legs on each side of his hips, sitting on Harry's lap. Only then, he broke their kiss. They glared at each other.

"Only this night," Eggsy said with a hoarse voice, knowing full well that maybe he wouldn’t be able to keep up with that promise, not after tasting Harry. "For now," he added. Harry smiled.

"Let's make this night last, darling," Harry replied with a little smirk.

They didn't rush. There were plenty of kisses and gently touched while they were removing each other's clothes. There were also a lot of soft whispers about changing positions or comfort reassurance, and also suffocating laughers when something funny was said out of the blue. Of course, there were supplicating moans and devastated groans when the pleasure was too much for them to hold back their vocalizations. 

By the time Harry was inside Eggsy; going back and forward, occasionally stopping to chuckle because of Eggsy's witty comments like "You have some muscles there, luv," that he would blurt between moans, they forgot everything about their concerns. There was no more hesitation or holding back. They were experiencing one of those rare moments when you are really living in the present without missing the past or fearing the future. Living a moment that will be registered in their hearts even after its end. That's how you create a memory, living in the present, and focusing on it instead of spending your life with nostalgia for the past and wonder for the future.

It was light, yet intense. Harry was sure that he could find a lot of adjectives to describe it all and he also knew that they wouldn't ever be able to transmit what he was feeling. Eggsy had two perfect words to transmit it all: Fucking and Yeah.

When they finally came; Eggsy first and then Harry after a little persuasion from Eggsy's part, their bodies relaxed completely against the bed while they were trying to catch their breaths. It took them a long while between the preliminaries and whispering conversations to them get into that point of the night, and they were already sad that it was over. Seemed like slowly wasn't still enough for them. What they wanted, if physics would allow, was stop time. The relativity of time was flawed. It was unfair that almost three hours looked like minutes while they were together.

"That," Harry breathed with his eyes still closed. "It's like we did in the eighties," he intoned it so mindlessly, like someone pointing out that the sky was blue, that Eggsy's eyes grew wider and he started to laugh uncontrollably. Harry opened his eyes, realizing what he had said, and then he laughed too.

When their laughter died, in little squeezed sounds, Harry and Eggsy kissed each other again. Eggsy put his head on Harry's chest. He could feel Harry's chest going up and down as he breathed, he could also feel Harry's heart beating. Harry put one of his arms around Eggsy and kissed the top of his head. In the air, the anticipation about the talking they are going to have in the morning was growing, but they ignored it.

The night wasn't over yet.

  
  


*

Harry dreamt that he was drowning in a room full of beds, then, somehow, he was dragged down the drain and ended up on a beach. He slowly started getting out of the water, the sun was on his back, warming him up and Eggsy was ahead of him, smiling. He could hear a dog barking someone, he could hear a voice screaming “Galahad” and then “Harry” desperately. Harry looked around, but he and Eggsy were alone on the beach. For a moment, Harry stopped and everything around him started to fade, becoming quiet and dark. He realized that he was comfortable, very relaxed.

Someone was caressing his cheek.

Harry breathed consciously, still a little asleep.

"Wake up, luv," Eggsy said softly.

And Harry didn't dare to open his eyes, even though Morpheus' arms weren't around him anymore. The night was over, the day was among them. Harry wanted to think about the way they held each other last night, he wanted to enjoy the feeling of exhaustion after a good round of sex, and he wanted to watch his memories, every single one of them. He wasn't drowning, he was flying.

"Do I really need to?" He murmured with a groggy voice. Eggsy giggled and then he sighed.

"We slept more than we should, bruv," Eggsy replied and only then Harry opened his eyes.

What a vision, what a lovely morning to be alive.

Eggsy surprised Harry with another kiss, and Harry's brain stopped working. He didn't even care about Eggsy's morning breath. It wasn't what Harry was expecting, he anticipated regret, an awkward silence between them, and the feeling of loss. So, that was a good surprise.

"The night is over," Harry said when Eggsy backed off.

"If I can't see the sun then it ain't over yet," Eggsy argued making Harry grin and then chuckle. 

They laid there, in silence for a while. Eggsy was caressing Harry's cheek, then he moved to Harry's hair and slowly his hand went all over the way to Harry's neck to pull him into a little kiss. Their last kiss. Eggsy knew that it was time to put the line back in its place and that he couldn't cross it anymore. Harry watched while Eggsy's expression changed, he saw Eggsy's smile decrease, and the yearning in his eyes grow. It wasn't a good yearning though, it was full of nostalgia. For some reason, Harry thought about Sally and Buddy, and about how they wanted something that they couldn't have.

"It's time to talk, isn't it?" Harry asked.

"Yeah," Eggsy said. "Harry, I like you a bloody lot."

"I like you a whole lot too, dear," Harry said. "That's what makes our situation very complicated," he added wittily, trying to make Eggsy smile. He was successful and Eggsy was trying very hard not to.

"Don't make me laugh, bruv," Eggsy said in a warning tone, playfully. Then he became serious. "I like you, I'm falling for you really hard, but my mission comes first," he intoned. "We can't be together, not right now. We don't know what will happen to you when you get your memories back."

"Nothing is going to happen," Harry said. "Honestly, you sound like I'll turn into some kind of lunatic when I get my memories back. Well, I supposed I'll be quite shaken considering that your organization told me that they find me in the scene of a massacre, but I don't believe I will--"

Eggsy was looking sadly at him, and Harry stopped talking. There was more to it that they were telling him. How couldn't he see it before? Yes, of course, they wanted to know more about what happened there, but why they would go in so much trouble for him? If it was a big massacre, Harry was sure that there were other ways to investigate the responsible instead of waiting for an amnesic man to recover his memories. And if Harry was in danger, as they suspected, why they didn't put him into a witness protection program? It would be much more simple, wouldn't it? Something was wrong.

How did he miss it?

“Shit, I fucking missed it,” Harry remembered saying once. “How did I fucking missed it?” He thought.

"You aren't telling me everything," Harry pointed, he wasn't exactly angry, but his confidence in Eggsy was a little shaken. Eggsy sighed, his pupils were dilated. That was a confirmation.

"I can't tell you everything," Eggsy confessed. "I can only ask you to trust me when I said that we are the good guys and that we won't hurt you. We really just wanna know what happened on the church and what you were doing there."

"It's a church," Harry replied dryly. "There worse thing I could have done is pray for a God that doesn't exist."

Eggsy grew tense, and Harry was starting to become angry. He sat on the bed and Eggsy sat too. Harry inhaled, what the hell happened there? And why only now he was thinking about it? Really thinking about it. It was becoming hard to breathe, hard to think.

"You can't promise that they won't hurt me," Harry hissed. "You said it yourself, you're not the boss." Eggsy pressed his lips together. "And the mission comes first, not me," Harry finished.

"Harry--"

"It's okay, Eggsy," he said. "I understand--"

"No, you fucking don't," Eggsy replied. "Because I'm being torn between what I want to do and between what I am supposed to do," he confessed. He seemed broken, terribly sad, and even though Harry knew that Eggsy was keeping things from him, he was also aware that the younger man wasn't lying about his feelings. So Harry caught his hand, not only to comfort Eggsy but to recompose himself too. They needed to calm down before they started screaming things they would regret saying later.

"You know more than I do," Harry drawled. "Do you believe that if I recover my memories things will end well for us?" He asked.

"If you tell the truth? Yeah," Eggsy said. "I do."

"Will you still like me the way you do even if that truth isn't good?" Harry asked and Eggsy gave him a little smile.

"More than you can possibly understand now," Eggsy said. "Harry, the only way I'll stop liking you is if you find out that you are a really bad person. Like Margaret Thatcher or fucking Hitler," Eggsy said making Harry smile a little. "And if you ain't willing to completely change. But I don't think you are bad, and I don't think you'll be unwilling to change if you are." Eggsy squeezed his hand, the necessity to confront Harry was becoming bigger than Eggsy's necessity to discuss their relationship.

"Are you sure you will be able to do that?" Harry murmured. He still wasn’t sure if trust completely in Eggsy was the right thing to do, something deep in his guts was telling him to run. But run where? And more importantly, why would he want to run? He didn’t have anything to hide and even if he did, he didn’t want to hide it if it meant losing Eggsy.

"Bruv, I was a thief when I was a kid. Hell, I did worse things as an adult," Eggsy said thinking about Jack. "A lot of my mates did things that they ain't proud of and they try to compensate it daily, going as far as putting their lives on the line. So yeah, I do. I believe that people deserve second chances."

The way Eggsy was speaking made Harry's fear grow. He was terrified with the perspective of finding out who the hell he was, and what that meant. It seemed like the little life he was building for himself was in danger and he didn't like it. Eggsy wished he could say Harry everything he knew, that wasn’t much anyway. However, he wasn’t allowed to do so and, even if he was, it would only cause Harry more distress.

"Do you think you are compromised?" Eggsy remembered Sugar asking. 

“I’m sorry, Sugar,” Eggsy thought. He was, he was so fucking compromised that it was eating him alive. Still, he couldn’t fight it, not after meeting this Harry and falling for him. Eggsy didn’t have a clue about what was going to happen in the future, he didn't want to think about it. But at that moment his loyalties were divided, and the only thing he could do was hope that they wouldn’t crash.

"I'm afraid," Harry confessed. "I don't think I want to remember."

"I'll be here anyway," Eggsy said. "And not only because of the mission Harry. Yes, I have a duty, but you said it yourself yesterday. The heart wants what the heart wants."

"Manifest Destiny," Harry said glaring at Eggsy.

"Damn right," Eggsy said impersonating Jed. "Come here," Eggsy said putting Harry in his direction, Harry laid his head on Eggsy's shoulder. "We'll figure this shit out. I won’t let anything bad happened.”

Harry wished he could believe in Eggsy, he really did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! Here is another chapter for you, this one is a little small and I'm sorry about that, but I think it is what it needed to be. I loved writing this chapter as much as I loved writing the last one so I hope you'll enjoy it! Please, let me know what you think! Comments are always well appreciated (and they make me happy, I kind of was in need of those feelings).
> 
> The song of this chapter is Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want by The Smiths.
> 
> Also! I'm considering changing the name of this fic to Manifest Destiny, what do you all think?


	9. Love Will Tear Us Apart

In those first few days after they went back to Orono, things between Eggsy and Harry were.........strange. None of them knew how to behave, it was like they were trying not to step on broken glass. The sensation was similar to the one that teens frequently have when they want to hug someone that they have a crush on, but at the same time, they are too shy or embarrassed to do so. The will-hug or won't-hug moment when they end up shaking hands awkwardly. It was exactly like that. 

Very often Harry or Eggsy would make a funny comment that would provoke laughs from each other, or they would accidentally exchange longing looks, or they would touch each other gently just to realize that they weren't supposed to be that intimate. After all, they had made a deal: They won't repeat what happened during that night in New York until Harry gets his memories back or get the diagnosis that they won't, in fact, ever come back.

What they hadn't predicted is that it would be hard going back to be "just friends" after they had declared their feelings for each other. Harry couldn't forget the warmth of Eggsy's body and Eggsy couldn't forget the way Harry had whispered his name. That night was perfectly framed in their memory, and they were constantly reminded of it every time they looked at each other during the day. They were so close, and yet so far of being together that it felt like they were being dismembered by a torture machine. 

There was also the uncertainty of their situation, the fact that they couldn't predict what will happen with them. Harry was now more aware of it than before, especially after he connected the dots and realized that Eggsy was keeping something from him, something that he couldn't tell. On the other hand, Eggsy was not only feeling guilty of keeping the truth from Harry, but he was also feeling guilty of loving Harry. After all, his loyalty should belong to Statesman and his country, not Harry. Still, a lot of times Eggsy was really tempted with the idea of telling Harry the limited information he had: That Harry was some kind of secret agent and that he participated in the massacre of the church because he was under the control of Valentine's device. That they didn't know who Harry was and for whom he worked.

Sometimes, in Eggsy's worst nightmares, Harry recovers his memories just to find out that he worked for Valentine. Eggsy knew he had promised to Harry that he wouldn't stop loving him no matter what, but if this was the case...he didn't know if he could keep that promise. Because of Valentine, because of that infernal SIM cards, Eggsy had killed Jack. Could Eggsy forgive Harry if he was involved with Valentine? He didn't know. It was hard to think that Harry would take part in such an atrocity.

That was just one of the many concerns that Eggsy had, and Harry had a couple of preoccupations of his own as well. They didn't know the answers to all those doubts and questions that dwelt in their minds. They couldn't stop thinking about it either, which was causing a big tension between them. The only certainty they had were their feelings for each other. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to make things easier. 

"Maybe that night was a mistake," Harry thought while watching, through his room's window, Eggsy watering the flowers. After that, Harry sighed and made his way to the kitchen. That was going to be a long day, he wasn't even excited that the day of the Field Trip to The Charlotte Rhoades Park and Butterfly Garden has finally arrived.

"We fucked up bad," Eggsy thought when he got inside of the kitchen to find Harry fixing them breakfast. Eggsy washed his hand and sat. Harry sat on the other side of the table, right in front of him. They both gave each other a little smile, those kinds of smile that means "I know you are here, but let’s not talk with each other. A smile will do."

"But I don't regret a fucking thing," They'd both thought while drinking coffee, in Eggsy's case, and tea, in Harry's. Eggsy put his cup down, knowing that a little smile couldn't replace talking and that they needed to get their shit together before meeting their friends.

"So," he started hesitantly. "Did you pack everything you need for today?" Eggsy asked politely. God, Harry hated it. He hated that Eggsy was trying to act professionally like they weren’t even friends.

"Ah, yes," Harry intoned. "Last night, and you?" He asked back.

"Kind of," Eggsy said. He hated Harry’s voice tone and how plain it sounded. "I still have to pack lunch, don't worry tho it won't take long."

"Do you need some help?" Harry offered, thinking that their talking was very similar to a tennis match.

"Nah, I can handle it," Eggsy replied.

Silence.

They both sighed and they both opened their mouths like they wanted to say something, but then they closed it, giving up.

"A long day, indeed," Harry thought while biting his toast.

"What the fuck? What the real fuck? Just say something. What the fuck I can say?" Eggsy thought while slowly eating his cereal. "Just fucking say something. Anything." Anything would be better than share that awkward silence with Harry, just like it was during their first days in that house.

"A movie," Eggsy blurted out of the blue surprising Harry, that almost choked with this toast. Harry coughed a little and cleaned his mouth. "Sorry," Eggsy added. He was surprised with himself too, he didn’t know what the fuck he was doing.

"A movie," Harry repeated interested. "Yes...? Were you saying."

"Do you wanna watch a movie today? We don't watch one since before our travel to....to New York," Eggsy said.

"I would like that very much," Harry said grinning a little bit. 

"It's a deal then, a movie," Eggsy said proudly of himself. Watch a movie together wasn't something intimate, friends watch movies together all the time and Eggsy and Harry did it multiple times without nothing dirty happening. It was safe, right? RIGHT?

"A movie," Harry breathed amused. He could see that Eggsy was nervous, but he was happy that the younger man was trying to get things between them back to normal. "I hope you’ll pick up a good one this time, the last movie was....well. I think bad is a kind word to describe it," Harry provoked mindlessly. 

"Oi, Bewitched is fucking ACES," Eggsy replied angrily.

"You have a horrible taste in movies," Harry smirked.

"You taste in movies isn't much better, luv," Eggsy said wittily. “You like George Clooney's Batman, you can't judge my taste in movies.”

They froze. There were them again, forgetting and getting comfortable with each other. Provoking and smiling and loving so easily as they were breathing. They were like magnets, polar opposites that kept attracting each other. Fuck whoever and whatever was in their way, which were themselves in this case.

Will-Hug or Won't Hug, awkward handshake. 

"I'll check my backpack," Harry said hurriedly while getting up.

"I'll pack up our lunch," Eggsy said at the same time. "And clean things here," he added.

Harry nodded before getting out of the kitchen, he was starting to get a headache.

“It must be the stress,” he thought while going upstairs. 

*

Eggsy drove them to the University of Maine, there the other members of the extension program, which they were a part of, were waiting for them in front of a chartered bus that was rented to take them to The Charlotte Rhoades Park and Butterfly Garden. located in a town nearby. Harry breathed when he saw his friends. He hoped that the presence of other people would be enough to soften the tension that started growing between Eggsy and him during the drive.

Spoiler: It didn't. All the members of the Maine Butterfly Survey thought that Eggsy was Harry's nephew, because of the cover that Ginger created for them, and it only made things weirder than they already were and very unsettling.Harry was annoyed with Francis trying to convince Eggsy into going out with her granddaughter. Eggsy was annoyed with the fact that not only Professor Gayes was flirting with Harry, but he was also looking at Eggsy hoping that he would incentive his "uncle" to accept his advances. The worst part is that they couldn’t joke about it with each other, not only because they were on public, but also because Harry and Eggsy were both too afraid of letting themselves being comfortable around each other. Just like that, a peaceful field trip was starting to seem like a nightmare. 

And they weren't even inside the fucking bus yet.

"Okay," Professor Gayes said out loud trying to get everybody's attention. "As I call your name, please enter the bus."

The whole process took almost twenty minutes. When Eggsy finally sat on his seat, Harry was already absorbed in a book. In part, Eggsy was disappointed, but he was also relieved that he wouldn't have to try to keep a conversation with Harry just because the silence was bothering him. Eggsy relaxed while putting his headphones to listen to some music, he closed his eyes and rested his head on the backrest. 

“Slow down, you crazy child. You're so ambitious for a juvenile, but then if you're so smart, then tell me why are you still so afraid?” Billy Joel started to sing, scaring Eggsy’s thoughts away.

He ended up falling asleep, it happened so fast that Eggsy didn't even hear the end of Vienna. Nor did Eggsy notice how his head started to slide until it was comfortably resting on Harry's shoulder, but Harry noticed. He stopped reading, too afraid that his movements would wake Eggsy up. A little smile grew on his face and Harry looked at the window, not to see the landscape through it, but to watch Eggsy's reflection on it. He looked peaceful. This was the first time since they returned that Eggsy seemed calm around him. 

That realization made Harry sad, he just wanted things to go back to normal or then flourish between them. Harry sighed. He wanted to kiss Eggsy's forehead, he wanted to lay his head against Eggsy's and then fall asleep with the other man. For a moment, Harry allowed himself to daydream. There was no drama, Eggsy and Harry were a couple in a romantic comedy and everything will end well. Happy ever after.

"This ain't that kind of movie," Harry remembered someone saying it for him once. He narrowed his eyes, concentrating, and trying to remember. Who told him it? Eggsy? Not it wasn't Eggsy. Was it one of Harry's friends in college? No, it wasn't...

Who?

Harry's headache started to get worse, he gave up trying to figure it out. Whoever told it to him was right, this wasn’t a romantic comedy and in real life, things often do not end well. Harry was the living proof of that, after all, he was a British gay man that ended up shot in the head in a church on the other side of the bloody ocean and, as a result, he lost his memories. So, yeah. Life very often was a total bitch.

"Oh, isn't he adorable?" Francis said getting Harry's attention. She was standing near to their seats looking at Eggsy, probably on her way to the bathroom located in the back of the bus when she saw Eggsy sleeping on Harry's shoulder. "He is such a good boy, it's hard to find a gentle young man nowadays."

That poor woman, she didn't have any idea of how devilish Eggsy could be. She had no idea of the blasphemies that he could say while in bed or the way his body could bend. She had no idea of the power that Eggsy could have over people. She was partially right, Eggsy was a gentle and kind so and Harry fell for him just to be devoured by the demon underneath his skin. That's okay though, Harry was a profanity himself.

He smiled falsely. Harry liked Francis, Francis was his friend, but for God's sake how that woman was annoyingly obsessive with Eggsy. 

"Indeed," Harry replied quietly. "Let's try not to wake him up," he drawled trying to make Francis understand that her presence was an inconvenience.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, giving Harry a last smile before making her way to the bathroom.

Harry went back to watch Eggsy's reflex on the window.

*

Someone was touching him, it was the first thing that Eggsy realized. The second was that he didn't know where the fuck he was, so he grabbed the person's arm and opened his eyes, ready to fight if it was needed, just to see Harry looking at him with a surprised expression. 

"Oh, right," Eggsy though while letting Harry's arm go. "The field trip."

"Sorry," Eggsy said.

"It's fine," Harry replied. "Do you mind lending me your sunglasses before we go out of the bus? I have a headache,” he explained. 

"Sure. Is it bad?" He asked worriedly. Sometimes Harry would have terrible headaches, it has been a while since he got one of those though.

"No, for now," Harry said promptly. Eggsy knew what that meant, it meant that it can get worse, but that Harry was determined to go through his day normally. He would probably regret it later, he always did. But, as Eggsy learned, Harry could be very stubborn sometimes.

Eggsy lifted his hand, indicating that he was about to caress Harry's cheek, but then he just put his hand down. Harry seemed disappointed, and it cut Eggsy’s heart like a knife. There wasn't anything that Eggsy wanted more than comfort him, but he couldn't. They not were only in public, but they couldn’t do anything that would lead them to a reprise of what happened in New York.

To be honest, Eggsy was getting tired of it. He was getting angry with himself and with this situation. 

"Give me a minute," Eggsy sighed before he started searching on his own bag. He found the sunglasses easily and then handed it to Harry that put them on. He looked good using sunglasses, and Eggsy couldn't help but smile a little. “I’m sorry that I didn’t bring some Advil,” he added softly.

"Thank you," Harry said. “And don’t worry, I took some before we got out, but it seems that they aren’t working very effectively,” he explained. Almost everyone were already out of the bus.

"No problem, bruv," Eggsy said getting up. "Do you want me to carry your backpack?"

"It won't be necessary," Harry intoned while standing. 

"Okay," Eggsy replied. “Time to go then.”

They made their way out of the bus in silence, they were the only ones that weren't excitedly chatting. Outside of the bus, their group was carefully listening to the guide while another guide was handing maps for them. After explaining the rules, the guides allowed them to form their little own groups and choose their own paths. That place wasn’t dangerous, so the visitors could walk more freely.

The Charlotte Rhodes Park and Butterfly Garden was a big beautiful place, full of flowers and trees. In the middle, there was a big lake, where some ducks were floating, and around it, there was a picnic space, where people could take a pause and eat. The fact that it was a shiny and bright day should make the experience even more pleasurable, but it wasn't. How could it possibly be pleasurable when every time that Eggsy and Harry interacted with each other they would immediately go tense?

Harry and Eggsy were walking side by side, but Harry was totally ignoring Eggsy's presence. He would talk with Francis, with Professor Gayes and even with Jules, a graduate student that was pretty fucking annoying and was just in the group because of the easy credits, but not once he turned to Eggsy to share what he had found. Eggsy knew why he was doing it, he knew that Harry was trying to respect Eggsy boundaries and his as well. However, Eggsy couldn't put up with it anymore. He thought that it would become easier with time, but it has been three days since they came back and things were getting worse, somehow.

So, Eggsy watched Harry take pictures and chat with his friends and collect some dead butterflies in silence, but when everyone decided to take a break for lunch, Eggsy took the opportunity to talk with Harry.

"That's it," Eggsy proclaimed angrily. "We need to talk." Harry looked at him with raised brows and an unfazed expression, but he didn't say anything. Eggsy grabbed Harry's arm and guided him towards a hidden spot behind a couple of trees. "We can't go on like this, this fucking sucks," he blurted.

"I agree," Harry sighed. "Although I don't see what we can do to fix this situation," he said. "This is my fault, I supposed. I shouldn’t have--.

"It's not your fault, okay?" Eggsy interrupted him. "It takes two to do what we did," Eggsy picked up Harry's hand, then he took a deep breath. "Can't believe that I'm about to say this."

"Eggsy?"

"Fuck the deal," Eggsy said. "I know that we agreed to wait, but fuck this," he repeated.

"Eggsy, are you sure? This can cause you some trouble," Harry said worriedly. He didn’t want Eggsy to suffer some penalty or worse because of him.

"Yeah," Eggsy chuckled, he was almost sure that he was going crazy. "This can fuck me really bad, luv. But trying to act like I ain't in love with you is driving me nuts," he confessed making Harry smile. Eggsy giggled again. "Fuck, this is...I don't have words. It feels…”

"Like we are going against our best judgment and, still, it seems the only way," Harry said stroking the back of Eggsy's hand with his thumb. They both grinned at each other like kids about to do something really fun, but that would get them in a lot of trouble later. They didn't care, they tried to do the right thing, but the right thing was beyond unpleasant.

"Yeah, that," Eggsy said.

They both relaxed immediately, knowing that it wouldn't fix everything. Knowing that they would still have all their doubts and questions and concerns and that they would pop up in their minds randomly throughout the days. But now, they would have a shelter in each other. It, for now, was enough.

"Well, I have a lot of things to share with you," Harry exhaled looking relief. "I found a dead Crowberry Blue here; they are very rare and extremely beautiful."

"Really?" Eggsy said impressed. "I saw you collecting some butterflies, but I didn't think they were rare."

"It looks like I'm a very lucky person," Harry smiled at Eggsy. "I keep finding amazing and beautiful things, or they found me," he said softly, getting closer in order to kiss Eggsy. 

"Harry," Eggsy said amused, stopping him. "Not here, luv. These people believe I'm your nephew, let's not give them a heart attack."

"Okay, darling," Harry said. "I'll try to restrain myself around them," he added wittily.

"Good," Eggsy said letting Harry's hand go. "If you keep being a good boy maybe I'll compensate you later," he said before walking away.

"Cheeky little thing," Harry murmured to himself before following Eggsy.

Harry wished he could say that the rest of the day was loverly after that, but his head started a revolution against his skull.

*

Unfortunately, Eggsy's promise for recompensation didn't happen later that day. Harry's headache got worse and by the time they arrived home, Harry could barely keep his eye open. Eggsy helped Harry go to his room.

"Are you sure you are okay enough to take a shower by yourself?" Eggsy asked.

"Yes," Harry replied, his voice hoarse because of the pain. "Can you make me some tea?"

"Of course, hon," Eggsy said and then he kissed Harry's forehead gently. "I'll pick up some Advil too, drugs are the best," he added making Harry chuckle a little and then moan.

"Don't make me laugh, dear," Harry said sat on the bed, he started removing his shirt. "My brain doesn't approve."

"I should call Ginger," Eggsy said.

"Please, don't," Harry murmured.

"Okay," Eggsy sighed. "I'll be right back," he said before living the room.

Harry moved slowly. He removed most of his clothes while he was sat, then he made his way to the bathroom. He wished he could keep the light off, but he didn't want to slip and hurt himself. So, he lighted it up, closing his eye because of the sudden brightness in the room. It took him two, maybe three minutes, to adjust to the light. He looked at himself in the mirror, he had so many scars. How did he get so many scars? He has been asking himself about it since he woke up. He wasn't supposed to have this many marks on his body. But they were there.

Reminders of a past that Harry didn’t really cared about anymore.

He got inside of the shower and just let the warm water relax his muscles. It was good, and Harry closed his eyes again. Suddenly, Harry became very tired and he just wanted to stop thinking.

"Luv, are everything okay there?" Eggsy screamed after knocking the door.

Harry didn't reply, he was drained of all his strength and capacity of talk. So, he turned the shower off, got himself in a towel, and opened the door. Eggsy was clearly concerned, and Harry wanted to say that he was fine, but he couldn't. Instead, he let Eggsy guide him back to his room while. Everything that happened next were a blur. Eggsy dressed him and helped Harry get on his bed. Harry drank some tea and took a pill, obeying Eggsy’s quietly request.

"Thank you," Harry managed to say.

Eggsy kissed Harry's cheek.

"Good night, luv," Eggsy whispered. "Good dreams," he added.

"Night," Harry said. 

“I’ll check you later, okay?” Eggsy said quietly and Harry moaned in confirmation. 

After he covered Harry, Eggsy got out of the room, closing the door gently on his way out and letting Harry in total darkness. Harry turned and hugged a pillow. He begged Morpheus to knock him out for good, and after a while, he finally slept. Eggsy checked him later, and when he saw that Harry was peacefully sleeping, he went to his own bed.

It was almost morning when Harry started to have dreams. First, he was pointing a gun towards a little dog, then someone was pointing a gun towards him. The man’s face wasn’t blurred, and Harry knew who he was.

“This ain’t that kind of movie,” Valentine said with a smile and then he fired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO FOLKS. I'm sorry that this chapter took so long, but post-grad is kicking me in the fucking BUTT. So I don't have a lot of os time to write anymore and I'm losing the brain cells that I didn't have to start with.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, from now on things will get REALLY SERIOUS. I can't WAIT. Also, sorry about this chapter, I don't think it was exactly what I had in mind, but it was what I needed to write in order to make things MOVE. Please, let me know your opinion.
> 
> The music of this chapter is Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division.


	10. Should I Stay or Should I Go?

When Harry sat, pale and breathless, he sat knowing who he was. He was Harry Hart, codename Galahad, a Kingsman Agent, and he should be dead. He remembered looking at the end of Valentine's gun while thinking "This is it, I'm going to die" and then nothing. At that moment, Harry knew that he was totally alone and that no one was going to miss him. He had no family, friends, or lovers. He had Merlin, but Merlin didn't need him. Nor the world. One thing that Harry learned through his years as a spy is that agents are replaceable.

At that moment, Harry only felt a deep and painful regret for all the things that he never did. Time was up, it was too late.

Valentine shot.

Harry woke up.

Imagine having a lot of puzzle pieces, but just some of them are connected and the rest are just pieces you are having trouble putting on together. Harry's mind after waking up was a lot like that. Somethings were pretty clear, but a lot were just rubbish. In conclusion, Harry was still very confused and he needed to organize what the hell he was thinking and feeling. It was like there were two Harrys trying to become one.

He took a deep breath, he couldn't panic.

What did he know about his situation? Valentine shot him and he didn't die. He was found by an organization, they wanted to know who he was and what he was doing there. Probably, they wanted to know what he was doing there because of the type of gadgets that he was carrying when they found him. Harry could guess that they think he was involved with Valentine. Did they know what he did inside of the church?

"God, the church," Harry thought while closing his eye, he was filled with a strong feeling of guilt that soon was followed by deep and voracious anger. Oh, he wanted to put his hands around Valentine’s neck and break it like a fucking branch. “But he is already dead,” Harry reminded himself, he had read that in the papers. “Unfortunately.”

His heart was racing, Harry took another deep breath with his eyes still closed. Harry put that thought aside and shoved his feelings down, it didn't matter if they knew what he had done inside the church or not. Okay, the mystery of where he was and why he was there was already solved. Now he needed to think about his next steps. Was that organization a governmental one or it was a non-governmental one? Were they good or were they bad?

"Eggsy said they were good," Harry thought.

Could he really trust in Eggsy?

Part of him wanted to say yes, part of him was deeply in love with Eggsy, part of him wanted to run to Eggsy and tell him everything. That part of Harry was very naive and Harry couldn't let himself be controlled by it. Harry opened his eye, his hands were shaking a little and he closed them into fists.

Logically, Eggsy's organization couldn't be evil. An evil organization wouldn't treat Harry the way Eggsy was taking care of him. Not even the fucking CIA wasn't civilized enough, Harry knew that first handed when he worked there undercover. Eggsy highly doubted that Eggsy would work for an evil organization as well. The young man had a lot of opinions that indicated high moral and ethical values, he wouldn’t work for someone determined to cause damage to the world or to other people.

"Not evil then," Harry thought. "So what's now?"

Now, he needed to decide what to do with the information that he has. It should be simple, shouldn’t it? Harry wasn't allowed to talk about Kingsman's existence. Especially not with another secret organization. Harry was a lot of things, but he wasn't a traitor. He was very aware of what he needed to do, what the next step should be. Still, he was holding himself and trying to argue.

That same part of him that wanted to tell everything for Eggsy was screaming at Harry, saying that none of that was real, that Harry went insane, that he couldn’t possibly be a secret agent and that he was just as normal person. For a brief moment, Harry wished that part of him was right, but he knew better.

Someone knocked on the door, interrupting his line of thought. 

"Eggsy," Harry thought and his heart started aching.

The door opened, Eggsy smiled to him. Harry froze, it was hard for him to present a calm facade when there was a storm happening in his mind and heart. And Eggsy? Eggsy just complicated it all. God, Harry never wanted so bad to hear Merlin’s voice on his ears as he wanted at that moment.

"Morning, luv," Eggsy said softly, there were butterflies flying around him.. "How are you feeling?"

"Get a grip over yerself, Galahad," Harry imagined Merlin saying.

"Better," Harry managed to say, and Eggsy narrowed his eyes.

"Are you sure?" Eggsy asked worriedly.

"Yes," Harry replied. "Just a little tired, nothing that a cup of tea can't solve," he smiled. Okay, it was good, it was good. “Are those butterflies flying around his head?” Harry thought surprised, he was trying to keep his face as relaxed as possible. “Am I hallucinating? They can’t possibly be real, Eggsy isn’t reacting.”

"I'll prepare breakfast then," Eggsy said uncertain like he didn’t believe in Harry, but he didn’t want to press the matter either. He got inside the room and kissed Harry's forehead. "I'll call you when it is finished."

"Okay," Harry said, there were so many butterflies around Eggsy that Harry almost lost the way Eggsy winked at him before closing the door when he left. After that, the butterflies vanished in the air.

He couldn’t think straight, he couldn’t find focus. Harry's mind was flooded with images of his life with Eggsy in the past months. A long time ago, when he joined Kingsman, Harry gave up that type of life. The companionship, the lull, the fondness, and the enjoyment were things that Harry thought he could live without and now he had a taste of it all. The problem is that Harry couldn’t handle himself to those feeling because they weren’t real. All those feelings emerged when Harry wasn’t himself when he wasn’t aware of who he was and why he was truly being kept. Now he knew and he couldn’t fall into temptation.

After taking another deep breath, Harry got up. First things first, he needed to take a shower. He was sweaty and he needed more time to get his thought in order before facing Eggsy again, one error of his part, and the other man could start suspecting that something was wrong. God, Harry wanted to laugh, just to think that some days ago he was saying to Eggsy that he didn't have anything to hide from him and the other man probably knew he had. 

The possibility that Eggsy was pretending to be in love with him as a guarantee that Harry would cooperate after recovering his memories came to his mind. It would be something that Harry himself would do, and now that he has his memories back he is second-guessing every interaction that he had with Eggsy. The fact that he didn't want to believe in it was quite alarming. He barely knew Eggsy and he didn't have the habit of trusting so easily in someone. Yet, there was him, trying to argue with himself and thinking that "Maybe he wasn't lying, maybe he truly cares about me."

What Eggsy truly felt or not was irrelevant, Harry couldn't tell him about Kingsman and Harry know how secret agencies work. Even if he decided to cooperate partially, they wouldn't allow him to go without revealing for whom he worked for.

"What I got myself into?" He thought.

Harry got inside the bathroom, he looked at himself in the mirror and then deflected the look right away. He knew he was a mess, he didn't need to keep tormenting himself, especially now that the lack of an eye was a reminder of his failure. Instead, Harry looked down to his pulse and grabbed it, stroking his skin with his thumb. He could feel the subdermal tracker that Red put on him all those days ago, that would be a problem if he decides to escape.

“Do I truly want to scape?” He thought. “Of course, don’t be ridiculous.” And there was the aching on his heart again, proofing to Harry that he couldn’t trust in his own words. “I’m going insane.”

Even if it was hard, Harry couldn’t allow himself to be consumed by all the thoughts and memories that his mind was producing and throwing at him. More importantly, he couldn’t let his feelings dictate his actions. He needed to trace a plan in order to escape and go back to Kingsman and to do so he needed more information, that’s all that mattered. 

"Good to see ye are back in the game, Galahad," Merlin would have said smugly if he was watching Harry.

"Good to be back in the game, Merlin," Harry would have replied wittily.

But something in Harry had changed, he wasn’t sure if he was happy in being back in the game. A part of him regret have joined Kingsman, a part of him wished he could be just a lepidopterist living happily in a little house with Eggsy. To say that even though Harry had his memories back, he wasn't feeling much like himself was to underestimate the state of his confusion. The only reason why he didn't have gone completely insane, as he was feeling, was the years of training and experience that he had in his shoulders. Because of that, Harry knew how to keep himself in line like a good soldier.

After removing his clothes, he stepped under the cold water.

“Bloody hell,” he exclaimed.

*

Harry was barely out of the shower when Eggsy called him. Eggsy had the habit of calling people by screaming their names instead of going to find them, which was very annoying in Harry’s opinion. When Harry arrived at the entrance of the kitchen, the sudden realization that he was living a normal life with another man hit him like a wrecking ball. Of course, he was living this life for months now, but this time he was conscious of it. He was conscious that this was the type of life he never imagined he would have one day, and now he was living it. He stood there, astonished.

Eggsy was humming the song that was being played by the radio, he always does that when he is happy, and that little knowledge about someone else amazed Harry. He was grinning and the morning sun, bathing Eggsy through the Kitchen's window, made his blond hair shine like gold. It was a marvelous view. For the first time in his life, Harry knows someone and is known by someone in an intimate manner. On the table, Harry knew that he would find his favorite tea with the perfect amount of milk and sugar, he also knew that Eggsy prepared two toast and scrambled eggs for him. He also knew that Eggsy would or drink coffee or orange juice, he would eat scrambled eggs as well and then a little bit of cereal with milk.

For some reason, that view was painful and Harry couldn’t explain why it was hurting him the way it was.

Everything was familiar to him and, yet, strange. It was like Harry was living in a dream that belonged to another person. He wasn't the same Harry from yesterday, the one that would arrive in the kitchen and smile and think "This is my life" and he wasn't the Harry that would look at Eggsy and think "I will do everything in my power to keep him by my side". Now, looking at Eggsy, everything that Harry can think is "This man is a trained agent that was put in charge of watching me in order to collect information". 

"Luv?" Eggsy said walking toward him with a raised brow, then he smirked. "Admiring the view?" He said playfully. It was hard to think about Eggsy as a possible enemy when he was smiling at him like that. If Harry’s feelings weren't real, then why his heart was pounding so fast? Why did he want to take Eggsy in his arms and kiss him? How could he doubt of Eggsy's feelings when Eggsy was looking so fondly to him?

"He is a trained agent, Galahad," Merlin would have said if he was there. "Of fucking course he can act as he cares about ye. Don't be stupid. Ye mind is playing tricks with ye."

Merlin, of course, would be right if he was really there and if Harry wasn't just imagining him in order to cope with this situation. Then, Harry gave Eggsy his best fake smile and he caught the other man in his arms. He wasn’t doing it because he wanted to feel Eggsy’s body against his, he was going that because it was what was expected from him. At least it was what he was telling himself.

"As a matter of fact," Harry purred and then kissed Eggsy’s cheek. "I was."

Why he was feeling so guilty?

"You don't need to stare at me, luv," Eggsy replied. "You took a lot of pictures of me yesterday, you can look at them," he said wittily getting out of Harry's arms to sit.

"Well, I'm of the opinion that observes a work of art in person is always better than looking it through pictures," Harry replied easily sitting at Eggsy's side. It wasn't even a lie and he didn't even have to try hard to act like he was in love with Eggsy, talk like that with Eggsy came naturally. "Besides, they aren't printed yet."

"We can go to the city after lunch to print them," Eggsy replied. "I have some gardening to do and you said you wanted to put the butterflies you found in a display," he added.

"Lovely," Harry replied and then took a sip of his tea, it was as perfect as he knew it would be. “Eggsy’s idea isn’t bad. “I can try to steal a cellphone while we’re downtown,” Harry thought. “How much time do you think you'll spend in the garden today?” Harry asked trying to figure out how much time he would have to look around the house.

"I have to cut the grass and trim the plants, so probably two hours or so. Why?" Eggsy said after drinking his juice.

"No particular reason," Harry replied. "I'll take care of lunch today since you prepared breakfast," he smiled and grabbed Eggsy's hand. Eggsy smiled back. "Francis gave me a recipe that I want to try," he lied. After years of living alone, Harry learned how to cook, and since he just recovered part of those memories, he was sure he could make something that wasn't pasta.

God, it was so easy to pretend that things didn't have change during the night. Harry could probably just ignore the fact that he got his memories back and live this life forever. Kingsman's identity would be safe and Harry could live the pacific life that he deserved after so many years of risking his life. Harry knew that, because of his training and experience, he wouldn't be caught by lie detectors, and he was almost sure he could mislead Eggsy's organization. No one would never know that he was lying. However, it wouldn't change the fact that he would be lying to himself and for Eggsy.

“Or you can tell him everything, betray kingsman and stop being an agent,” Harry thought. “No, I can’t do that,” he thought right after.

"Harry," Eggsy said gently, attracting his attention. He seemed worried and Harry kissed the back of his hand and smiled.

"I'm fine, dear," he said.

"You're distracted today," Eggsy pointed.

"I'm just glad we sorted our situation yesterday," Harry lied. How ironic was the fact that he recovered his memories right after he thought things were going to be finally alright between them? Life was a fucking bitch, wasn't it?

"Same, luv," Eggsy said and then started eating his cereal.

They ate their meal in relative silence, but different from the past few days it felt comfortable. At least for Eggsy that was unaware of Harry's internal conflicts and how they were increasing fastly. When Eggsy finished, he kissed Harry's cheek and put his plates in the sink with a promise that he was going to wash it later. Harry dismissed him and told him that he could take care of it, Eggsy smiled again and then went towards the backyard.

"Now," Harry thought before getting up. He washed the dishes while observing, through the window, Eggsy becoming distracted by his tasks, and when he was sure it was safe enough, Harry went upstairs. 

First, he looked in his own room. He needed to check if he wasn't under some kind of surveillance like hidden cameras or microphones. Fortunately, he didn't found anything and it was a fucking relief. 

"Amateurs," Harry thought smugly. "What kind of organization doesn't put surveillance in their target's room?"

After that, Harry got inside Eggsy's room. He opened the door slowly, almost with reverence. Eggsy's room was the same size as his, and its decoration was even more simple than Harry's, considering that Harry started to display butterflies in his walls. Then, Harry had an epiphany and realized that they probably weren't in Eggsy's house after all. They were probably in a safe house that belongs to Eggsy's organization. That explained the lack of personality in Eggsy's room and in the rest of the house, and also explained why the house looked so unkempt when they arrived there.

Harry carefully looked around the room, trying not to change things and avoiding touch on them as much as he could. If Eggsy was a well-trained agent, he would notice even the minimum of the changes and it could put Harry in a bad position. Besides Eggsy's computer, which Harry didn't dare to touch because it was very risky, he didn't find anything particularly interesting, which was frustrating. 

"Bullocks," Harry murmured for himself while closing Eggsy's door.

There was only one room left to be checked on the second floor, the one located in front of Eggsy's. Harry never went there. Once or twice, he caught Eggsy standing in front of that room while looking melancholically to the door, but Harry never saw Eggsy entering that room either.

Harry sighed and opened the door. Right away, the first thing he noticed was the smell of mothball and dust, which let evident that the room was closed for a long time and that no one had cleaned it. The curtains were shielding the room from the sunlight, so Harry was forced to turn the light on. The room was bigger than the other two. In the center of it, there was an unmade king-size bed, like someone just woke up and forgot putting it together before going out in a hurry. On the wall above it, there was a painting of a woman with brown hair, she was smiling kindly. There was a closet as well, full of clothes and Harry found a lot of interesting things, including clothes similar to the one Eggsy wore when he got out in a mission. They were all marked with a little and stylish "S".

The other interesting thing that Harry found was a box full of photos and he found it right on time because his curiosity about who owned that room was growing. He opened the box and after a quick glance he concluded that most of the photos were from the same couple, a man with brown skin and a mustache and the woman from the painting, they seemed happy. In some of them, the man was using the clothes that Harry found in the closet.

"This isn't a safe house," Harry concluded. "But it did belong to an agent, maybe Eggsy's father," he thought, looking to a photo where the man had one of his arms around Eggsy’s shoulder, both of them looked drunk as they were pointing to Eggsy’s cowboy hat. “Maybe not,” Harry reconsidered after noticing that it was their only photo together in that box.

Then, Harry reminded what Eggsy said to him the first time they entered that house.

"Are you alright?" Harry had asked him.

"Yeah," Eggsy had given him a fake smile. "I'm just a little afraid of ghosts, that's all," he said sarcastically. 

"I imagine you are the ghost," he said looking at the man smiling in the picture. Then, he started to wonder what happened with that man and how he was related to Eggsy. Harry picked up the photo and put in his pocket. “If I get back, Merlin can analyze the photo and find out more about their organization,” he thought, completely ignoring the fact that he was more curious than ever about Eggsy’s life and even a little jealous of his proximity with that man.

Harry got out of the room and closed the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, how are you all? I hope you enjoyed this chapter and PLEASE LET A COMMENT. Comments always make me happy no matter what you have to say. 
> 
> The music of this chapter is Should I stay or Should I go by The Clash.


	11. I know It's Over

Harry hadn't been able to steal a cellphone while he and Eggsy went down to the city. It wasn't that he wasn't capable, because he was. The problem is that Harry hadn't had the right tools to hack a cellphone's password and he hadn't time to find out it by using other means. However, Harry had another alternative. You see, statistically old people are more likely not to use passwords in their cellphones because they have trouble remembering it and, for Harry's luck, Francis is one of those people. All that he had to do was wait for the next Maine Butterfly Survey meeting to steal it. Which meant he needed to bare two more days with Eggsy, two more days and he will be able to call Kingsman. 

It was more easily said than done though. Harry knew how to play a role. He was sure enough of himself to know that if he was an actor, he would probably have a lot of academy awards in his pocket. Harry was that good in doing his job and he never once felt a sparkle of guilty in his heart about lying and manipulating people before. However, doing it with Eggsy was a slow torture that Harry didn't predict. Logically, he knew that his feelings had been developed in a situation out of his control and that if he was on his right mind, they would never grow, but they had emerged when Harry wasn't exactly Harry and there wasn't anything that he could do about it.

He cared about Eggsy, he could see that Eggsy liked him and that he was a good person. Hence, Eggsy was able to melt Harry's heart in a way that Harry didn't expect, not now that he was with his full capacities. The worst part is that he couldn't even force himself to suppress his feelings and it made him hate himself a little because he considered it a failure and after Valentine, he couldn’t afford more failures. He was never an emotional man and, somehow, there was he, completely smitten by someone that he barely knew and trying to be as moral as he could against his best judgments. 

For example, last night Eggsy started to get...handsy with him while they were watching a movie. It started with a hand on Harry's thigh, which Harry didn't exactly mind, he just smiled and picked up Eggsy's hand to give it a simple kiss. Then, it evolved to Eggsy sitting on his lap and kissing him. Harry didn't have a clue about how it happened. One minute they were watching the movie and in the other, they were kissing. Harry was enjoying it, which wasn’t exactly a shock, but shouldn’t happen anyway. Eggsy expected him to go on because theoretically they were in love and they talked about their feelings. Everything between them was solved, there wasn’t a reasonable motive why Harry wouldn’t want to have sex with his lover. Well, except for the fact that Harry had recovered his memories and was lying.

"Darling," Harry said breathlessly while putting a hand on Eggsy's chest in order to stop another kiss that the younger man was planning to take. "As much I would love to repeat that night in New York, I don't really think we should have sex right now. Let's slow down a little," he argued. 

"Ah," Eggsy exclaimed, Harry could see that he was disappointed and worried. "Is there something wrong?"

Yeah, there was. Harry saw himself unable to have sex with Eggsy knowing that he would probably scape on the next days and leave Eggsy with a lot of problems. It was an absurd, Harry manipulated and slept with countless people in order to complete a mission or get out of complicated situations. Still, he couldn't force himself to use Eggsy like that. If Merlin was there, he would be pissed.

Harry smiled warmly, he was faking it of course. Or at least he told it to himself, he didn’t want to accept how much he cared about the other man.

"Of course not, my dear," Harry said while caressing Eggsy's cheek with his thumb. "But given our situation, I really think slow things down a little bit will be the best for us."

"You’re right," Eggsy sighed. "Can we still sleep together tonight, tho?" Eggsy asked. "I really don't want to sleep alone today," he confessed almost shamefully.

Harry wondered if it had something to do with the fact that it was the V-Day anniversary, but he didn't want to think about it at all. However, looking back, it made sense. Eggsy, as Harry, tried to keep himself busy during the whole day and it was probably the reason why. He was trying to take his mind off what that day meant. Harry tossed his curiosity aside, even though he really wanted to find out what happened with Eggsy and why sometimes he seemed so broken.

"Do you really want another reason to feel guilty?" Harry thought. "It doesn't matter what happened with him, whatever happened with him was a result of my failure in the end and know about it won't do me any good."

So Harry smiled again, even though smile wasn’t exactly what he felt like doing. There wasn’t a heavy feeling in Harry’s chest, something that he couldn’t quite describe or understand. This meant, he was in a type of unknown agony and the only thing keeping him together was partially the man on his army and partially his need to successfully escape from this situation. That contradiction made Harry feel like he was out of his league, a feeling that he absolutely hated.

"Sure, darling," he replied. Eggsy gave him a little smile, luring Harry’s heart and mind. Briefly, at least while Eggsy was in his arms and they were getting distracted by the movie, Harry let himself forget about his concerns and guilty and all the bad feelings that were consuming him since he recovered his memories. He knows that peace wouldn’t last for so long, and he was right.

That's how Harry spent almost the entire night awake looking at the ceiling while Eggsy was sleeping at his side. There, in the darkness, he could admit to himself that he is going to miss it when he gets back to London. It was a painful realization, but he couldn’t risk Kingsman’s secrets, he couldn’t risk the safety of the world in the name of a stranger.

“But he isn’t a total stranger, is he?” Harry asked himself.

No, he wasn’t.

*

Steal Francis's cellphone was as easy as annoy Merlin. She was a hugger, so Harry was able to sneak her phone in his pocket right at the beginning of the reunion. As a precaution, he turned it off as well and removed the battery. 

"Rip of that smug smile of yer face," Merlin would say. "It isn't like ye disarmed a nuclear bomb or stole some painting from the Louvre," Harry's smile grew, even imaginary-Merlin just loved to ruin his fun.

"You're in a good mood today," Eggsy whispered in his ears while smirking while Professor Gayes was congratulating everyone for their discoveries during the field trip.

"I'm just happy with the results of our trip," Harry pointed.

"I hope you aren't just talking about the butterflies, bruv," Eggsy replied smugly.

"Of course I was talking about the butterflies," Harry said provocatively. "Is there something else I should be happy about, my nephew?" Eggsy groaned irritated.

"God, did you have to go there?" Harry just smiled instead of replying.

He and Eggsy were very different, but at the same time, they fit together. Harry could almost imagine a world where Eggsy was a Kingsman, a world where they would go to missions together and drive Merlin crazy with their little word game. After the missions, they would go back to Harry's house and take a long and warm shower. Then they would eat something and watch a trash movie, which they wouldn't pay attention to because they would be making out. Life wouldn't be exactly less complicated, but it wouldn't be lonely and monotonous either.

It was possible to miss a moment in life you never lived? Because Harry was missing it more intensity that he missed Mr. Pickle during one of his nostalgic days. "Stop daydreaming," Harry thought. The cellphone in his pocket was heavy, reminding him that wonder about unreal scenarios was a waste of time and would only make things harder.

"Excuse me," Harry said to Eggsy. "I have to go to the bathroom, can you take notes of what Marvin is saying while I'm away?" He asked handling his pen and notebook to Eggsy.

"Sure thing," Eggsy replied mindlessly.

He got up and made his way to the bathroom. Harry only picked up the cellphone when he was locked inside it. He couldn't risk being caught using a cellphone by the hallway’s security cameras. Once he assembled the cellphone together, Harry dialed the number, glad it was one of the things that he remembered clearly. 

"Customer complaint, how can I help you?" 

"Good morning," Harry said. "My name is Henry DeVere and, in my last order, I explicitly asked for Oxfords, not brogues. I would like to return a suit as well, a Galahad model that I damaged while I was on a business trip on Kentucky."

"Of course, sir," the voice intoned. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"As a matter of fact," Harry said. "I want to send a gift for a friend in the name of another friend of mine. Please, send glasses and a watch model Excalibur for a Mr. Harry Unwin in name of Professor Marvin Gayes, the address is 3425 Stone Street, Orono, Maine. I also have to inform you that Mr. Harry Unwin doesn’t have his left eye, so their glasses have to be adapted for his needs."

"Your order will be sent after we check your register, thank you for being a loyal customer."

They hang up, as Harry knew they would. He sighed and put the cellphone back into his pocket after deleting the call. It was done, now the only thing he could do was wait. Knowing Merlin, he would probably track the call and find out that it came from the University of Maine. Then he would proceed to hack into the University's systems and seek for footages that could confirm that it was really Harry calling them from there. He would probably look for the names that Harry mentioned and it would lead him to find out what Harry was doing there in the first place.

It meant that he will find out about Eggsy and, after making the connections that Harry knows he will, Merlin will probably understand that Harry is being watched closely. The only thing that Harry hoped is that Merlin will trust him and understand that he can get out of this situation alone, he didn't need backup. Indeed, Harry didn't want backup because he feared that it would put Eggsy's life at risk and he won't be able to live with himself if something happens with Eggsy. Yes, technically Eggsy was his "enemy" in this situation, but Harry couldn't forget the fact that Eggsy had taken care of him when he needed, and that he loved him in a way that Harry was never loved before. The least Harry could do was try to keep Eggsy's out off the gunpoint of a kingsman's agent sent to rescue Harry.

When Harry got out of the bathroom, he glared into the nearest camera. "Hello, Merlin," he thought. He smiled and then started to make his away back to the meeting room. He sat at Eggsy's side, and when the younger man got distracted he quietly returned Francis' cellphone to her purse. The meeting didn't take much to end. Eggsy drove them to the city where they ate lunch at a local restaurant and then they picked up the photos that they asked to be printed a couple of days ago. On their way back home, Harry checked the photos while Eggsy singing along with the radio. It was strange to look at it and see how he and Eggsy seemed normal, how they looked happy.

"They are all good?" Eggsy asked without taking his eyes out of the road.

"They are perfect," Harry replied with a sad smile that Eggsy didn’t catch. 

Later that day, while writing two letters for Eggsy, Harry decided to keep one of those photos. In it, Eggsy was smiling to the camera with a butterfly landed on his nose, it was adorable. He hid it with the other photo he found in the vague room and this time he didn’t create justifications to keep it as he did with the last one. He just wanted it, maybe as a reminder of the happiness, he felt during those months or maybe as a punishment, a reminder that he won’t ever be that happy again.

*

Two days later, when Eggsy and Harry arrived from a town trip to supplies, there was a brown packed at their door. Eggsy immediately asked Harry to stay behind, afraid that it was a bomb or something of sorts considering that just a few people knew that they were living there. Harry watched Eggsy slowly getting closer to the package, he picked it up carefully and, after reading the information on it, he turned to face Harry with a raised brow. Harry, of course, knew it was sent for him.

"Marvin is sent you presents now?" Eggsy asked provocatively. Harry breathed, it worked then. Eggsy didn't suspect. “You shouldn’t give our address to random people, you know?”

"Professor Gayes, Eggsy, and he isn’t a stranger. About the gift, the last meeting while Francis was talking with you, Professor Gayes said he found the book I was looking for online and that he took the liberty to purchase it for me and sent it. He picked up our address in the University register" Harry replied walking towards Eggsy. "Can I?" He said pointing to the box.

"Right," Eggsy said dryly handling the box to him. “That guy wants you so bad, don’t pretend you don’t see it,” he said. Harry smiled amused with Eggsy’s  jealousy. God, how awful he was for betraying Eggsy like that?

"Thank you, darling," Harry said, then he kissed Eggsy's cheek. "Do you mind taking care of the groceries while I do a quick check on the book?"

"No," Eggsy breathed and then smile fondly. "Go on," he added. "I'll call you when dinner is ready."

Harry got upstairs quickly and locked himself in his room. Inside the box, he found exactly what he requested. After removing the eyepatch, Harry put the glasses with a sigh of relief. He couldn't help himself but smile when Merlin popped up on his view.

"A bloody year Galahad," Merlin said unfazed as always, but Harry could see through him. The way Merlin's shoulders were relaxed and the way his eyes were shining were indicators that he was happy in seeing that Harry was alive. "What took ye so long?"

"Well, I didn't know I was an agent until five days ago because I lost my memory," Harry replied. "So I think I have a good excuse for being late," he added making Merlin chuckle.

"There is an agent in the city, the new Lancelot. I sent her as a precaution and she is waiting to take ye back home. Do ye need any assistance to get out of where ye are?"

"No," Harry said."I can take care of it."

"I'll be waiting for a full report when ye come back," Merlin said. "Over a bottle of scotch, of course."

"I appreciate that," he said.

"It's for me, Galahad," Merlin smirked and Harry rolled his eyes. 

"I'll see you soon, Merlin," Harry said turning the feed off.

After taking a deep breath, Harry removed the glasses, putting it in his back pocket, and then he placed the watch on his wrist. He hadn't had any choice but to remove his glasses, otherwise, Eggsy would notice them, but Harry needed the watch in other to knock Eggsy out of consciousness without hurting him in the process. So, he dressed a large hoodie in order to cover his wrist and made his way downstairs. During every step, pictures of his life with Eggsy kept popping up on Harry's mind, and he kept shoving them down.

"It's too late," he thought. "There is no turning back and you don't have any other choice," he repeated, trying to convince himself that what he was doing was for best.

Harry could feel his heart racing in his chest and he was almost dizzy because of it. That was shameful for a senior agent as Harry, he should have a perfect control over his emotions, but he was feeling like a trainwreck. When he arrived at the kitchen, he was so pale that Eggsy immediately ran toward him with a worried face.

"Harry, babe, what is wrong?" Eggsy asked with those honest green eyes. God, Eggsy was truly a beauty and so kind.

"I'm sorry, darling. I really am," he said and, before Eggsy could react, he used the watch to shot at him with a tranquilizer dart. Eggsy's eyes immediately rolled over and, if Harry wasn't there to catch him, Eggsy would have fallen on the floor. Harry picked him up and carried him to the sofa. Carefully, he put Eggsy down.

Harry removed his eyepatch and put his glasses on, trying not to overthink. Now it was time to act. He got upstairs one last time and went for his room, taking a moment to look at the butterflies he collected, cataloged, and placed on the walls. Then, he looked at all the books Eggsy bought for him, and he glanced at his sketchbook. If he opened it, Harry knew he would find drawings that he had done from butterflies, moths, and from Eggsy working in the garden. Harry grabbed three things: the letters he wrote for Eggsy, the photos, that he put in his pocket, and a blanket. After that, he made his way downstairs.

He covered Eggsy with the blanket for courtesy, Maine’s nights are always cold and Eggsy won’t wake up until the next day. After that, he placed the letters on the table located in front of the sofa and turned to see Eggsy. He took a moment to memorize Eggsy's sleepy face, knowing that it was it. That would be the last time Harry would set his eyes on Eggsy. What was waiting for him in the future was an empty bed and an empty house. 

"Goodbye, darling," Harry said and then bend over to press a kiss on Eggsy's forehead. "I wish we had met in another life," he confessed and then took a deep breath. That was it, it was over. Time to go.

There was one more thing that Harry needed to do before leaving, remove the tracker that Red put on him. Fortunately, it was easy, Harry picked up the aid kit that Eggsy kept in the bathroom downstairs, removed the tracker with a knife, threw it in the trash, and then bandaged the wound. Now, about transportation. Harry knew he couldn’t use Eggsy’s car because it was probably tracked and they just arrived from the city, so any kind of movement would be suspicious. But, Eggsy mentioned that there was an old car in the barn behind the house when Harry asked what he kept there and, once or twice, Harry saw Eggsy trying to fix the car.

So, he went to the barn and hot-wired the old Ford Taurus without a second thought, it did work and in a matter of minutes, Harry was driving away. As the minutes passed, he saw the house becoming a little brown dot in the horizon through the mirror, and not for one second he stopped thinking about Eggsy peacefully sleeping on the couch. In a lot of ways, Harry thought that he was leaving that house with a ghost that would never go away. He will always be haunted by those green warm eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS. I'm sorry it took so long, post-grad is kicking me in the butt and I have a lot of shit to do so I usually don't have time and when I do have I am or tired of demotivated, but I managed to write this chapter so YAY. It wasn't exactly what I wanted, but overall I think it was okay. I had a lot of trouble figure things out so let me know what do you think (AND BE NICE, IT WILL END HAPPILY, DON'T WORRY).
> 
> The music of this chapter is I Know It's Over by The Smiths


	12. Save a Prayer

The first thing that Eggsy noticed, with a touch of irritation, was the sunlight through his eyelids. His first instinct was to turn his body to the other side of the bed to avoid it and go back to sleep, but when he tried to do so Eggsy found out that he couldn't move at all. He fought to open his eyes and failed. They felt too heavy and Eggsy was so tired that his mind couldn’t ratiocinate. Soon after it, he fell asleep again.

Eggsy kept waking up and falling asleep for a long time. When he finally woke up, gasping for air, it was like he was breathing for the first time after he drowned in cold water. There was a numbness over his entire body and he was feeling weak. Carefully, he sat and caressed his face with both hands, hoping that it would help him scare the exhaustion away. Eggsy took a deep breath, and then his mind, showing the first signs of recovery, started to throw random and disconnected information for him.

He didn't remember falling asleep on the couch.

He was having a migraine, the type he usually has after getting really drunk, and it was hard to keep his eyes open because of that.

His mouth was bitter like something had crawled inside it to die.

But he didn’t remember drinking, no. It has been a long time since Eggsy consumed alcohol in a large amount. 

He was starving, but nauseated. Did he eat dinner last night? He remembers calling Harry...

"I'm sorry, darling. I really am," Harry said looking at him, he seemed guilty and sad. And then...Eggsy couldn't remember.

"Harry," Eggsy thought, and his heart started to race in his chest like a crazy. He tried to get up, but he was too dizzy and ended up falling on the sofa. It was when he saw the letters over the table and Harry's eyepatch on their side. For a moment, Eggsy froze and he could almost feel his heart shattering. "Oh, no," he thought, the adrenaline that was now running on his veins was pushing the numbness away. "No, no, no, no," he said to himself out loud.

Eggsy picked up the letters, it was hard to read what was written on it because his vision was still cloudy, but he forced his eyes and, after seeing that the first one was addressed to him, he started to read it. 

  
  


_ Dear Eggsy, _

_ While I'm sitting here in my room, writing you this letter, I'm struggling to find the right words. There is no easy way to do what I am about to do, so I decided it will be beneficial for both of us if I keep it as objective and as simple as possible. I recovered my memories, part of them to be more precise, right after the field trip. I know who I am and what I was doing in that church. Part of me wishes I didn’t have thought, because it means I’ll have to break the promise I made to you that day in New York. Now I can see how naive I was back then because it doesn’t matter what I feel, even against my best judgments, the truth is that I can’t tell you who I really am or for whom I work for.  _

_ You probably know why, don't you? You and your agent suspect that I am a secret agent, and you know as well as I do that in our jobs some secrets must remain protected in the name of the great cause. I knew that if I stayed, your agency wouldn't allow me to keep any secrets, it could start with me just saying who I am, for who I work for and what I was doing there. Nonetheless, eventually, they would press me for more, and I wouldn’t be able to tell them what they want. You know the drill, an agency doesn't take an agent from another agency without taking from them everything they want to know about their last employed as a proof of their loyalty. I’m a lot of things, but I’m very loyal above all, and I refuse to change loyalties even if it means that I will lose you. I know you would do the same, you let that clear in New York as well. _

_ The thing about people like us Eggsy, it’s that we like to believe that I’ll reach a point in our lives that we can put ourselves first, and it won’t ever happen because our first instinct will always jump in front of the bullet if it means the world is safe. That’s why I’ll cherish what we both had and that’s why I will offer you, and your organization, a limited amount of information about what I was doing in that church. And, again, I see myself going it against my best judgments because I can’t resist the feelings I have for you, even though I’ve been questioning them since I recovered my memories. It’s hard to believe in the true nature of these feelings when they grew in this situation.  _

_ I don’t even know if your feelings for me are real or not and, for the first time in my life, I am afraid that I’m making a fool of myself for someone. However, I don't want you to get in trouble because of me and, after further consideration, it became pretty clear for me that your organization won't use the information that I know for its own gains. In the next letter, that's addressed for your organization, I described what I was doing in that church, my true intentions and everything I know, maybe remember it's a better word, about Valentine. I didn't work for him, don't worry. In fact, he was the man that almost killed me that day. All information beyond that, including the one about my affiliation, is classified. _

_ There is so much more than I want to write, but I'm still considerably confused, to be honest, and I don't know if it will do us any good. Whatever was growing between us is dead and finished. I'm sorry, Eggsy. _

_ Thank you for everything, and I hope you'll have an amazing life. _

_ Yours, _

_ Harry. _

  
  


Eggsy closed his eyes, pressing his lips together. Then he took a deep breath and opened them. There were signs that something was wrong with Harry, and Eggsy saw them, but he decided to ignore it all. He convinced himself that if something was really wrong, Harry would eventually speak with him, and even when his instincts whispered "He is hiding something" Eggsy managed to dismiss his preoccupation.

All of that because he didn't want to face the truth and, now, he didn't have anyone to blame for it but himself. Harry was right, if Eggsy was in his place he would have done exactly the same, wait for the proper moment to escape. Of course, Harry wouldn't be able to stay and confess everything, what Eggsy was thinking? He should have known better. If Harry called himself naive when he was without his memories, it made Eggsy what? 

“A bad agent,” Eggsy thought. “One that couldn’t resist a pretty face and a good pair of legs.”

Part of him was happy that Harry managed to escape, Eggsy didn't want to imagine what would have happened otherwise. Because, if he had followed his instincts, if he had called Ginger to inform that something was wrong, if Harry had ended up being interrogated by Statesman, it would have been much worse. Off all deadends possibles, this one wasn't quite bad. At least not for Harry.

"Don't be so optimistic," he thought. "You can still lose your job and have your own memories wiped up as a way to guarantee that you won't say shit."

That line of thought made a pang of terrible guilt grow around Eggsy's heart like weeds. After all, Harry had been able to maintain his loyalties and priorities straight while Eggsy had failed. He was disappointed with himself. But it was too late to dwell on those feelings, he had to inform Ginger about what happened. Eggsy picked up the second letter, he was too weak to try to get up and look for his glasses yet, but he could at least read the second letter.

“I should burn the first letter,” Eggsy thought. “In the worst-case scenario, I need deniability.”

He still had his mum to protect after all.

*

His trip back to London was as pleasant as it possibly could be and, still, Harry wasn't able to relax. He couldn't stop thinking about Eggsy and it was hard to ignore the photos he knew were resting peacefully on his pocket. There was, also, a minor preoccupation poking Harry's mind regarding Chester King's reaction to the fact that he had leaked some classified information after being MIA for a whole year. Kingsman doesn't look over mistakes kindly, and Harry didn't have committed a mistake. He deliberately wrote a lot of things that he shouldn't have.

Well, Chester didn't need to know everything that happened and it wasn't like Harry had delivered Kingsman's secret over a silver tray. Also, considering the amount of time that passed since the church all the information that Harry had about Valentine was outdated. Which meant, they weren't as valuable as they seemed. Indeed, Harry was very curious to find out what happened after his "death". The news had presented limited information about the case. They showed who Valentine was, what he did, how he did it, and the results. None information about how he was stopped or what happened with all his propriety and dangerous technology was shown to the public.

What Valentine created was a monstrosity of catastrophic proportions, and Harry had witnessed it first handed. He never felt a wave of rage so pure and out of control like the one that took over him. Someone like Harry was already pretty desensitized when it comes to killing people, it was a big part of his job after all. However, Harry never wanted to do it or felt such pleasure while doing so. Now, everything he could feel about it was a deep repulse to himself even though he did know it wasn't his fault.

"Eggsy knew about it," Harry thought while looking at the clouds. "That day in New York, he let it implicit." 

"Will you still like me the way you do even if that truth isn't good?" He had asked that day, and Eggsy had given him a little smile. He had looked at Harry so fondly.

"More than you can possibly understand now," Eggsy had replied.

Harry closed his eyes and sighed. Eggsy really loved him, didn't he? And now there was no turning back. Once more, Harry had chosen Kingsman and the world over himself. It was hard not to feel resentful.

"God," he mounted painfully to himself, unfortunately not quiet enough.

"Sir, are you alright?" The new Lancelot asked, she was a lovely woman. Extremely polite and professional. 

"No, thank you, Lancelot," he replied and she nodded, going back to the documents she was reading.

After that, they stayed in silence until they arrived at Kingsman's headquarters. When Harry stepped down the plane, he wasn't surprised that Merlin was there waiting for him with his clipboard in his hands and an unfazed expression. He never felt such a powerful relief before and, if he was a weaker person, he would have broken down in tears.

"It's good to see ye, Harry," Merlin intoned.

"It's good to see you as well, my friend," Harry said, offering him a smile.

"I'll let ye take a shower and then we need to talk," Merlin said. "I hope ye got some sleep during the trip."

"I'm afraid not," Harry said. "But I don't think I would be able. I'd rather get over with it once for all and update myself about what happened. I supposed Chester will be in the meeting."

"Alair will be in the meeting," Merlin replied. "Chester is dead."

"V-Day?" Harry asked with a raised brow.

"No, I killed him myself," Merlin explained and Harry's eye opened with surprise. "It was a set-up, he sent ye to death. When I went to inform him of what happened in the church, I saw the incision in his neck."

"Fuck," Harry blurted angrily.

"Exactly my feelings," Merlin said with a smirk. "Go shower, Alair, and I will be waiting for ye with a bottle of scotch when ye are done."

"I thought you were kidding about the scotch," Harry said wittily.

"Nae," Merlin replied. "Ye are back from the dead, Harry. I think we can indulge ourselves and Alair is not quite a traditional Arthur as Chester was."

"You mean he doesn't have a stick up into his arse," Harry said dryly.

"I do believe if he had a stick up into his arse with some regularity, he wouldn't have gone mad and ally himself with a megalomaniac," Merlin replied wittily, making Harry smile. 

"I missed you, Merlin," Harry said.

"Aye, aye, I missed ye too," Merlin replied. 

After Harry took his shower, he met Arthur and Merlin at the wizard's office. They sat in armchairs and drank scotch while Harry explained what happened with him during the past year, including the information that he slid. The only thing he kept for himself, at least from Arthur because he wasn't sure if he would be able to keep it from Merlin entirely, was his true feelings toward Eggsy.

In return, Merlin and Arthur reported what happened with Valentine. When Arthur told him that he killed Valentine and his assistant, Harry felt an enormous amount of pleasure, even though part of himself was disappointed because he wouldn't be able to do it himself. 

"You'll have to be submitted to a psychological and physical assessment, of course," Alair said. "However, I can guarantee you that no matter the outcome of it, your place at Kingsman is assured. As an agent or as a handler."

"I really appreciate it, Arthur," Harry started. "Although I have to ask what would be your opinion about my retirement if I decided to stop," he said, surprising Merlin and Arthur that looked at each other like they couldn't believe in what Harry was saying. He already expected that reaction. For a long time, Harry was married to his work and, if he wasn’t well aware of all the doubts and regrets that were running in his mind ever since he recovered his memories, Harry would be surprised as well.

"Harry, if this is about your eye, I can promise ye that the tech department can offer ye a solution. Our prosthesis is so real ye won't be able to tell the difference and they are functional," Merlin said.

"It's not about this," Harry replied, offering a comforting smile to his friend. "Almost dying made some things clear for me, and I thought a lot about my life and my priorities."

"So, is the decision made?" Alair asked with a grave expression.

"No, not yet," Harry replied. "I just want to know if I would be able to, considering everything I know."

"Don't be dramatic," Merlin replied. "Of course ye will. There are unfortunately certain protocols and rules that ye will have to follow for the rest of ye life."

"But besides it, your life will be as normal as of any retired civilian," Alair added. "I'll be waiting for your decision."

"Thank you," Harry said, making Arthur nod.

"Harry, I am afraid that you'll have to remain on Kingsman's grounds for a while. We have to guarantee that the agency that kept you won't hunt you, and that’s the matter of the assessments."

"Understood," Harry said. "Honestly, I wouldn't even know where to go considering that my home isn't mine anymore for what you told me."

"It's there," Merlin said. "Just empty," he added.

"Then it's just a house, not a home," Harry replied, a sad smile on his lips. But, even if it was full of his things, it wouldn't be his home anymore because, in a certain way, it would be still empty and without a thing that Harry wasn't sure he could replace. No, he was sure he couldn’t replace Eggsy or if he wanted.

"Gentleman," Arthur said, attracting their attention. "I have to go. I still have a couple of reports to read before another meeting," he got up and buttoned his suit. "Good evening," he intoned, Merlin and Harry nodded and then Alair got out of the room.

Harry sighed, he sipped his drink and immediately relaxed. When he looked at Merlin, his friend was staring at him with a raised brow.

"Retirement?" Merlin scoffed. "I don't know what ye kept from Arthur, but it must be really bad for ye consider it."

"I fell in love with someone when I had amnesia," Harry said, directly to the point. Merlin's eyes widened.

"Oh," he exclaimed.

"For the agent that was watching me, nothing less," he added, finishing the rest of his drink in a single sip and putting another one for himself.

"Fuck," Merlin said, wordless. He was just there, staring at Harry with such a shocked face that on any other occasion it would have made Harry piss in his pants from laughter.

"Seems like for the first time in my life I made you lose your voice," Harry said, raising his glass. "Cheers."

"Sod off, ye old minge," Merlin replied. "Didn't ye think that it was something relevant to tell Arthur?"

"It's a personal matter that was already solved," Harry argued. "I don't see why it would be relevant. And I am telling you, his second in command."

Merlin sighed and then sipped his own drink. Harry knew that his evaluation about it was right, it really didn’t matter and it wasn’t the first personal secret with some implication for his work that Harry kept. You don’t survive being a secret agent letting your organization know about every little aspect of your life. Merlin understood it as well, that’s why Harry was telling it to him. He was probably the only person in the entirely world that Harry completely trusted and it was a mutual trust. They have known each other since high school after all.

"Do ye wanna talk more about it?" Merlin asked.

"With you, no," Harry said. "But I would love to have a lovely chat with your wife considering that I can't exactly tell the details of my little love affair to Kingsman's therapist without Arthur knowing, and Amanda is a trained professional that is aware of what we do."

"She deals with teens, Harry, not with secret agent.....well, actually. I think it's a perfect match. I'll talk with her," Merlin said wittily, making Harry laugh. "Is there anything else?"

Harry thought about the pictures in his pocket, especially in the one that he first intended to give to Merlin in order to find out more about Eggsy and his organization, but he just couldn't do it. A part of himself wanted to keep Eggsy as safe as possible, even if it was against his own principles as an agent. 

"No, that will be all," Harry replied unfazed.

*

"This outcome wasn't ideal," Ginger said when Eggsy finally called her. "But at least we got some of the information we wanted about this case. Any idea why he wrote you a letter instead of just escaping?" She asked.

"Yes," Eggsy said, he didn't mention the first letter to Ginger, but he didn’t have a choice about the second one, and the fact that Harry wrote it, without any added information, was very suspicious. Probably not even trustful, at least for Ginger and Statesman, that didn’t know, as Eggsy knew, why Harry did it. “We got pretty close, and we talked a lot about what would happen when he recovered his memories. He seemed willing to cooperate with us. Obviously something changed, but he still wrote those pieces of information. Maybe hoping that we would leave him alone,” he explained.

Ginger sighed, she was disappointed and Eggsy could tell. There was also the matter that all was very suspicious. As an agent, Eggsy should have been able to notice that something was wrong and report him, and he didn’t do any of it. Well, at least the report part. 

"Ginger, I'm really sorry," Eggsy said guiltily. “I let my guard down, it won’t happen again.”

"I need you to come back to the main HQ," she intoned. "Interrogation and oral report, you know the drill when missions aren’t concluded as expected,” Ginger explained and Egssy knew. They needed to know if he didn’t sabotage it on purpose, what he didn’t and he was sure he could prove it. It wouldn’t be easy, considering that Kingsman knew, at least in part, how Eggsy and Harry became close, but it was the nature of the mission after all, and Eggsy could roll with that. “I also want you to bring me the letter."

"And after that?" Eggsy asked.

"I will send another agent to localize Harry since I don’t think we should totally believe in everything he wrote about Valentine, even though it matches the information we already have. We need some confirmation," Ginger said, making Eggsy nod. He was happy that she removed him from this case, otherwise, Eggsy would be able to carry it on.

"What about me?" Eggsy asked.

“After the report and the interrogation, I'll send you on a probation mission," Ginger said, surprising Eggsy. "Do not look so shocked, Eggsy. As I said, it wasn't ideal, but you gathered part of the information we wanted, even if it was in an uncommon manner that raised suspicions. We need to verify if you didn't facilitate his escape. But I don't believe you did it, of course," she said firmly and Eggsy could see that she was saying the truth. "You are one of your best agents after all."

"Okay," Eggsy said, trying to shove his guilty down.

"Now, are you in condition to drive to the airport by yourself?" She demanded.

"Yes," Eggsy said. "I think the worst part of the sedative already ran out."

"Good," Ginger said. "I'll see you back in Kentucky, agent Gin," she added before she hung up.

Eggsy took a deep breath, looked to the letter in his hand, the one addressed to him. Then he made his way to the bathroom, ripped it in little parts, soaked it until it became unrecognizable, and flushed it away. After that, he went to his room and started to pack up his things. When he was getting out of his room, however, he looked at Harry's room. The door was closed and, for a minute, Eggsy let himself imagine that Harry was there, reading his books or displaying his butterflies. His heart clenched. 

It felt like someone had died and Eggsy supposed someone did. His Harry, the Harry that watched Eggsy taking care of the Garden when he thought that Eggsy wasn’t paying attention, the Harry that laughed from his stupid jokes, that talked excitedly about his butterflies and liked corny movies. That Harry died and, in his place, there was someone that Eggsy didn’t know and won’t ever know. He wished he would be able to meet him though, and he wanted to learn about how different, and yet similar, his new Harry is.

"Stop," he said to himself. "Just stop with this."

He closed his eyes and turned. Focused, Eggsy was determined to leave his ghosts behind again and, now, Harry would make Jack company in that empty house. For a second, Eggsy considered selling it, but he found out that he couldn’t. He needed it to be there as a distant reminder for himself, he didn’t even know exactly what it was supposed to remind him of. About Jack? About Harry? About a kind of life that Eggsy wanted? He didn’t know, all that he knew was that his heart was buried there and, because of that, he just couldn’t give it away.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO, AGAIN GUYS! You know the drill, I hope you enjoy it, please follow me on Tumblr (@knightthart) if you wanna know how the new chapter is going and when I'll post it (and a lot of other stuff) or if you wanna just chat. I don't know when I'll post the next chapter because I have, like, 3 papers to write and other stuff (post-grad is still killing me).
> 
> ANYWAY, COMMENT, SCREAMING WHAT YOU ARE FEELING AND DON'T FORGET TO LET KUDOS IF YOU LIKE HIS STORY.
> 
> The music of this chapter is Save a Prayer by Duran Duran.


	13. Between The Days

"I have to be honest with you, Harry," Amanda said. Right after Harry was released to leave Kingsman's HQ, he started seeing Amanda at least two times per week, and, after two months, she was sure enough to give him a verdict. "I don't think your romantic feelings towards Eggsy are a consequence of the Stockholm Syndrome. I don't think you have Stockholm Syndrome at all."

Harry sighed, he was hoping that she would say otherwise because it would be easier. Not that being affected by such a mental state is something simple, but then Harry wouldn't be so torture by the honesty of his feelings towards Eggsy and the knowledge that there wasn't anything he could do to kill them but wait.

"You don't seem happy," Amanda commented.

"I'm not sure of what I am feeling, but you are right. Happiness wouldn't be able to quite describe it," he pointed, offering her a little smile. "But thank you."

"You're welcome," Amanda said. "Are you going to stay for dinner tonight?"

"No," Harry replied. "I think I have a lot of things to process and I need to do it by myself," he explained. "I better go," he said while getting up.

Both Amanda and Harry got out of her office, at her house, and Amanda was guiding Harry to the door when Merlin arrived and looked at both of them.

"Ye are not staying today?" Merlin asked Harry with a raised brow.

"No."

"Good, I'll open a bottle of champagne," Merlin said wryly, making Harry huff.

"Honey, please," Amanda said exasperated.

"I'm just joking," Merlin replied, raising his hands." Of course, Harry is invited to stay and demolish my scotch collection," he added unfazed, but his expression soon melted when Amanda sighed and he gave her one of his rare smiles, Harry was getting used to seeing them now that he was at the man's home with some frequency. "Are ye sure you don't want to stay?" Merlin asked looking at Harry. "I'll cook lamb."

"Yes, I'm sure. Enjoy your evening with your wife, I'll see you tomorrow," Harry affirmed. "Goodnight for both of you," he added. Merlin widened the door so he could pass.

"See ye tomorrow," Merlin said.

"Goodbye, Harry," Amanda said while waving for him, Harry waved back and then turned when Merlin started to close the door.

Harry looked up to the sky, it was already dark and, because of the breeze, he could tell that it was going to be a chilly night. Without rush, he started his pace back home. For his luck, Merlin lived nearby his new place and he didn't need to call a cab, which was good since he really needed to be alone right now. He wouldn't be able to handle a vain chat with a driver that he never saw in his life or, worse, a Kingsman driver that knew Harry too well. All that Harry has been doing for the past two months is talking. He talked with Kingsman's therapist, with Amanda, with Merlin, with Arthur, and with himself, which was very alarming because he wasn't the type of person that has heated arguments with themselves. 

Still, all that talking didn't help Harry at all. His nightmares were filled with the things he had done in that church, sometimes Eggsy would pop up in the middle of the dream just to be murdered by Harry as well. Rarely, he had more pleasurable dreams. On one occasion, he dreamt that Eggsy was with him in London, in his old house. The younger man was in his arms, teasing him about the fact that he kept Mr. Pickle in his loo, and they were watching a movie. He also dreamt that they were walking in a butterfly garden like they did so many times before. However, those dreams weren't better than the ones about the church because they have the same outcome, Harry waking up alone in his bed by memories that he wanted to forget.

He was tired of those dreams, he was tired of thinking about the past and he was tired of his current life. Harry knew that he had changed and, by doing so, his life needed to change as well, but the question is how. He thought about retiring, but it didn't seem the proper thing to do right now, but at the same time, Harry felt that his days as an agent were behind him partly because of his wounds and in part because he didn't want to feel what he felt when Valentine was about to kill him never again.

That type of loneliness, the certainty that no one would miss you or need you, and that someday you would be forgotten like you were never really alive was a feeling that could drive a man mad. Harry gained a second chance and, even though it seemed later to do something about it, it wasn't. Eggsy taught him that, Eggsy gave it to him and Harry wanted it more than anything else. It was only a matter of how, because Eggsy was forever lost and Harry wasn’t ready to move on. 

The breeze caressed Harry's face as he stopped in front of his door. He looked at his new house, the wooden windows, the dark red door, and the beige painting. It was all strange to him, a foreigner. Like he was on another kind of planet. That house didn't feel like a home at all, it didn't have any of his older things, which were all donated, and none of the few things that he accumulated while he was living with Eggsy. Starting over was a troublesome thing and Harry never has gone through this before.

Harry took a deep breath, he couldn't get in, he didn't want to get in. It was like there was a force stopping him, warning him that inside he would only find white walls and generic paintings. There wasn't anything there for him but the sound of the wind coming from the backyard and the shadows of the trees outside. Then, Harry thought about Mr. Pickle.

"I think," he decided. "I'll get a dog."

Turning around, Harry started to make his way down the street. It was time to look forward, it was time to start living again. 

*

When Harry woke up the next morning with a little puppy tongue licking his ear, he smiled. Fastly, he opened his eyes to see the little Corgi staring at him with black and curious eyes, he whined and Harry chuckled.

"Good morning, Mr. Jedediah," Harry said, his voice still hoarse from sleeping. "Do you fancy a walk?" The little dog barked and Harry petted him. "Maybe taking breakfast first would be more appropriate," he added.

They took their time. Harry fed Jed, cooked a full English, and, for the first time, while he was eating it with Jed jumping beside him in a poor attempt of stealing his sausages, he felt like the emptiness in his chest was starting to vanish. He was feeling more like himself, his new self. The man that enjoyed sleepy and slow mornings, the man that didn’t find the civic life boring and with a lack of stimulus. It was a drastic change, considering that yesterday he was lost. After they were done with their morning routine, Harry dressed in a suit and he even put one of his bow ties on Jed's neck. 

"Now, you are looking like a true gentleman," he said to Jed.

Accompanied by Jed, Harry started to make his way towards the shop. Of course that a bespoke gentleman walking with a cute puppy wearing a bow tie was catching the attention of pretty much everyone in the street. Considering that Harry hated being at the center of attention because of the lack of an eye, being looked at with amusement by pedestrians instead of discomfort and curiosity was a nice change. When Harry finally arrived at Kingsman's and went into the conference room, Merlin and Arthur glared at him with surprise.

"You got yourself a dog," Arthur enunciated, thrown off by the peculiarity of the situation. "Is he one of ours?"

"No," Harry replied. "I adopted him last night. You don't mind him, do you?"

"If he pee in the carpet you will clean it," Merlin said grumpily. 

"Jed won't do such a thing, he is a good boy," Harry argued. "Besides, he already completed his morning routine," he added while sitting, Jed immediately laid on his feet. Harry knew that the walk would tire the puppy.

"Well," Arthur started with an amused smile. "Shall we begin?"

"Aye," Merlin said. "Harry, did you come to a conclusion?"

"As a matter of fact, I did. I will retire, but not now. If I am allowed, I would like to conduct the next selection process and train the agent that will substitute me," he intoned. "I want to leave a legacy behind and, meanwhile, I am not averse to helping in missions and being a handler beside Merlin. However, in a year, I intend to be retired."

"I am glad that we will still have you for another year and that you'll train our next recruits, they'll be in good hands and I am sure Merlin is relieved that he won't have to deal with them by himself," Arthur said.

"I am jumping with joy inside," Merlin said unfazed, he sighed. "Harry, are you sure of this?"

"Yes, I am," Harry said, smiling. "I would give my life for Kingsman and for our causes without a second thought, but I'd rather not," he confessed. "I think I served my time, Merlin. It's time for the next generation."

"It's the end of an era," Merlin said, nostalgic. "It was a good one,” he smiled.

"Don't be so sentimental," Harry said wittily. "I'll be here to bother you every day."

"Unfortunately," Merlin said with a smirk. "Should I call the rest of the agents and let them know that they have until the end of the week to indicate a candidate?"

"Yes," Arthur replied. "Harry, do you already have someone in mind?"

"No, actually. I would rather not to indicate a name, I don't want to play favorites," he replied.

"Then, it's decided. We'll choose a new Galahad and in a year Harry will retire," Arthur said. "This meeting is over."

*

Eggsy entire body felt like just one big stretched muscle, a feeling similar to the one someone has after running for a long time without proper preparation. He was aware that he was pushing himself more than he should, pushing his limits until rupture, but he had no other choice. Being too tired to think was better than staying awake at night unable to sleep because he was being eaten alive by all the things that happened. And, well, Harry and how much he was missing him.

In the few months that they lived together, Harry taught Eggsy to want him, but he didn't teach Eggsy how to forget him and how to move on. Now, Eggsy felt like he was trying to suppress Harry's absence by walking into other people's arms or by risking his life in dangerous missions. That's why the pain was good, that’s why being tired was good, the adrenaline and the serotonin released by the missions were keeping Eggsy alive and his mind out of the past. His score mission was also impressive, he promised himself that he wouldn’t fail again and he was becoming the type of agent that he always wanted to be. The type of agent that would make Jack proud.

So, when Ginger ordered Eggsy to take a break, he was frustrated. He ran every day, he went to the gym, he had his ass kicked by Red while they were sparring, and he fucked a bunch of strange girls, guys and non-binary people. Still, it wasn't enough for him. His mom, of course, knew that something was wrong with him, but she didn't press him to talk while they were in one of their weekly dinners. She would just stare at him with her big blue understanding eyes, Eggsy hated the pity on them, but he couldn't do anything but smile at her and say "I'm already mum."

He wished it was true, but it wasn't.

One week became two, two weeks became three and when Ginger called him at the end of the month Eggsy had to control himself to not say "Fuck, finally” while using the glasses. He didn't lose a minute and went right to the HQ. There, Ginger was waiting for him. Eggsy bet that she could fell how excited he was, his entire body was almost vibrating with energy and Eggsy couldn't fuck wait. It was the closest to happiness that he could reach in that moment. He wanted the worst that Ginger could give to him. 

At that time, he didn't have any idea of how much he would regret that wish.

"Do you remember your last mission with Jack?" Ginger started, gently and unsure of how Eggsy would handle the question.

"How could I forget?" Eggsy replied, unfazed, even though his heart was racing.

On the day he killed Jack, they both were sent into a mission to steal documents from a Senator that was working for a big drug cartel. He was not only protecting their activities in the United States by turning a blind eye and dismissing investigations but giving them secret information and covering up their activities. Jack and Eggsy should find out the name of the cartel and retrieve proof of the Senator involvement with the cartel, after that, they would blackmail the Senator in order to get more information about the cartel. They weren't able to do any of that.

The Senator was supposed to be in a hotel in Washington For a conference, Eggsy would sneak into his room while Jack would be keeping the Senator distracted. But he never showed up. Eggsy and Jack were frustrated in their own hotel room, trying to discuss the mission and their next step when things went to hell. They started arguing out of the blue for things that didn't matter and Eggsy felt so angry, so angry that he just wanted to kill Jack and Jack was pretty much feeling the same. God, the things that they said to each other were so hurtful. They would never say such things to each other, still, they were there, screaming it all like it wasn’t anything and unable to understand that it wasn’t normal. That they were out of control.

What followed was a deadly fight between two highly trained and skilled agents. Most of the fight was a blur, but when it ended Eggsy and Jack were laid on the floor of the room. They were both bleeding and staring at each other without a clue about what the hell just had happened.

"Eggsy," Jack had said weakly, coughing blood. "I-"

Then he was dead, and the last image Eggsy saw before he passed out was Jack's empty eyes staring at him. A month later he woke up in Statesman's medical bay just to find out that he was still alive, but that Jack didn't survive his wounds. They explained what happened, they told Eggsy about V-Day and Valentine, but it all didn't matter. All that Eggsy could understand was that he had killed Jack. He went catatonic for a while after that.

"George Hall, that Senator, was found dead this morning in his house," she explained. "It was definitely a homicide. His body-guards related that Mr. Hall released them for their duties last night because he would have a private dinner with someone. However, Mr. Hall’s son, who wasn’t aware of his father's meetings, arrived at the house when the killer was trying to dispose of the body. Then he proceeded to shoot at the killer that escaped. "

"Do you think it was the cartel?" Eggsy asked curiously. “It was too slop to be them, we have been trying to track them for years, but they are good at hiding their steps.”

"It was them,” Ginger said. “Mr. Hall’s son, Martin, is involved with them as well and, after his father was murdered, he agreed to cooperate with us in exchange for protection. They are called the Golden Circle and,” Ginger intoned. "Through years we have been collecting reports of discarded bodies with a Golden Circle on their chest. However, we couldn't identify any of them, no digitals, their teeth were scraped and most of them had a face transplant or were so disfigured that it was impossible to do face recognition," she explained, then she put a picture of the dead Senator on the screen." Mr. Hall had the same Golden Circle in his chest as does his son.”

"What do you want me to do?" Eggsy asked with a raised brow.

"Martin isn’t the only person that regretted joining the Golden Circle and he gave us the contact of one member of the Cartel that belongs to the inner circle of the organization, he can put you in it. He also offered us a bunch of names and localities, but it seems that Martin’s knowledge is pretty limited and if we want to take them down for good, we’ll need more than what he can offer," Ginger explained, she sighed. “Eggsy, it will be a long infiltration mission, it will be very hard, but it is perfect for your profile and I know what complete this mission will mean for you.”

“Enclosure,” Eggsy thought. “For me and for Jack.”

“Do you accept it?” Ginger asked.

Eggsy didn’t have to think twice.

“Yes, I do,” he replied with determination. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it has been a long time since the last update. Things are kind of crazy in my life right now and they will get even more complicated so I can't make promises about this fic. Anyway, I hope you liked this little chapter, it wasn't as good as I planned, but it just has the purpose to be a "transition" chapter for the next part anyway, after this things will be exciting again.
> 
> The song of this chapter is Between the Days by The Cure.


	14. Author's Note

Hey guys, sorry about this (really). When I started this fic I had the full intention of ending it, but life happens and I am not in a good place right now to work on it. I have a lot of things to do and I am constantly anxious and let it here unfinished let me anxious and at the same time I just KNOW I won't be able to finish it/lost all my interest in doing so.

I will probably delate it later and I really wanna apologize if this story means something to you. I know how it is pretty fucking awful when we don't know how a story ends so I will let under the things I was planning to write and if you wanna talk about this story or whatever you can talk to me in my tumblr. Again, I am really sorry.

What was going to happen:

-Poppy destroy Kingsman and Merlin asks to Harry (who is already retired) to help him and Roxy. They find the bottle and Harry recognize the Statesman' logo from Eggsy's belt.

-They flight to America, they talk with Champ, Ginger, Tequila and Red. Harry finds out that Eggsy went MIA over the past six months while working for Poppy undercover. He was able to earn Statesman's about Poppy's plan and delayed it. Everybody thinks he is dead.

\- Eggsy isn't in fact dead and we see that he was capture and tortured by Poppy, that was trying to get information about him and his organization. He don't tell her shit bc he was trained to resist torture and Poppy decides to transform Eggsy in her "soldier" by Brainwashing him using CIA methods that combine sensory deprivation, eletrical shocking and other stuff. As a result, Eggsy start to forget his on memory (it was really a CIA methods to do it, if you wanna learn more you can read Naomi Klein's Shock Doctrine).

\- They are able to locate Charlie's ex (just like the movie). And Harry, Red and Roxy go to recover it. While Roxy is taking care of security and Red stealing the formula, Harry tried to find more about Eggsy and if he still alives. He end up finding Eggsy alive, he is in a room.

-Eggsy is pretty hurt and when Harry tried to help him, -Eggsy starts to fight back, thinking Harry is one of Poppy's man. The brainwashed procedure wasn't completed yet, so Eggsy forgot a lot of fucking things and his memory is full of blanks (so he doesn't remember Harry), but he remembers he is a Statesman and he was captured.

-Harry tries to reason with him, but -Eggsy isn't having it. He is suffocating Harry when a photo falls from Harry's pocket (is the one of Eggsy with Whiskey). It makes Eggsy stop (he recognizes Whiskey bc he has part of his memories with him and bc he hallucinated a lot with him) and let Harry explain who the fuck he is. Harry does explain that he is with Statesman, but he doesn't tell Eggsy their story.

-They come back, they are able to reproduce their antidote and they send another team to arrest Poppy in Poppyland. Eggsy is in the hospital, his mim visits. She and Harry talks while Eggsy is sleeping. Ginger enters the room and say that Eggsy's memory lost is permanent and can't be reversed bc it wasn't only a question of physical damage, but also psychological. So Eggsy won't ever recover 100% the memory he lost.

-Harry of course, is fucking sad, but Eggsy is alive so he isn't completely devastated. Even though he knows he shouldn't, he spends a lot of his free time with Eggsy, mostly talking about movies and other stuff. Eggsy doesn't mind that he doesn't know who the fuck Harry is bc he is bored as hell. He asks though and Harry explain everything for him. Eggsy is all "I am sorry" but Harry is like "It's not your fault, my boy. I am just happy you are alive.

-Harry, Merlin and Roxy go back home. Harry becomes Arthur temporally.

-Eggsy takes a time of after he is allowed to get out of the hospital. He stars to think a lot about his life and what he want (he is unsure if he wanted to be an agent anymore bc it was causing him a lot of suffering and he was still too young). He makes a trip around the U.S and ends up decided to visit Whiskey's cabin where he stayed in Maine with Harry. There he finds Harry's journal from the time where he had lost his memories.

-They journal is full of things about butterflies, Harry's tellings about their life there and drawling that Harry did. Harry drew -Eggsy a lot and read/look at the journal amazed and dazed. He seemed Happy there and he wanted to be that Happy again. He have a flash of memory about him and Harry, just a little thing, but that gives him hope and makes him take a decision.

-Cut to Harry, he is a meeting with Merlin and Roxy and other retired Kingsman agents that survived bc they were out of Kingsman's database. They decided to come back to help with missions while Merlin and Harry train new agents. After that they (Harry included) are planning to retire for good. 

-After the reunion, Harry comes home and he knows something is wrong bc Jed (his dog) didn't come to greeting him. He draws his find and carefully enters his house just to finds out that Eggsy is in his living room patting Jed. Eggsy smirks and let's out and "Hey, Harry."

-Harry gets anxious, thinking that something bad happened and Eggsy calms him down. He then explain about the journal and about how he looked happy in Harry's drawings and he decided he wanted to see if he could get that Happy again. (Here I would make Harry chuckle and talk about the Manifest Destiny thing and -Eggsy would be like "I really said that to you?? I shouldn't, I mean. It was a really shit thing that America did." And Harry is like "I know my darling, it was because of a movie. I will show you." And Eggsy is like "great, it can be our second first date".

-After that I would make a little epilogue of them retired in some other country. Harry would work with butterflies and Eggsy would be teaching self-defense classes. They both are happy ever after. Eggsy never received his memories, but he doesn't care bc he built a bunch of new ones.

The end

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there, I have no idea how many chapters this will have, but I hope you all enjoyed the first one. If you found any grammatical mistakes feel free to inform me because English isn't my first language. 
> 
> Look my [ Tumblr ](https://knightthart.tumblr.com/) or my [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/knightthart)


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